Posted by: Michael | 09/01/2017

Flying Solo

In a cab on my way to the airport to visit my uncle in Atlanta who is undergoing cancer treatment. My latent fear of flying its testing its head, perhaps aided by the anxiety I feel about my uncle’s condition and the attachment I have to my kids. But, fear is worse than useless and attachment serves no purpose but to bind us yup the round of suffering.

The subject of kamma and its inevitability has been on my mind a lot lately, whether it had to do with the inexorable fact of death or the kamma that has lead us into certain relationships. All and all, reflecting on these things has been a great help and has allowed me to get out from under resentment that would have otherwise swamped me. In short, there are no innocents. All that befalls us ous a result of what we have done.

May I dispel anger and resentment and dispense with fear. May I use what time I have left in the service of the Dhamma and other beings.

Posted by: Michael | 08/31/2017

Saṃyutta Nikāya 11 — 11. Vows

At Savatthī. “Bhikkhus, in the past, when Sakka, lord of the devas, was a human being, he adopted and undertook seven vows by the undertaking of which he achieved the status of Sakka. What were the seven vows?

(1) “‘As long as I live may I support my parents.’

(2) “‘As long as I live may I respect the family elders.’

(3) “‘As long as I live may I speak gently.’

(4) “‘As long as I live may I not speak divisively.’

(5) “‘As long as I live may I dwell at home with a mind devoid of the stain of stinginess, freely generous, open-handed, delighting in relinquishment, devoted to charity, delighting in giving and sharing.’

(6) “‘As long as I live may I speak the truth.’

(7) “‘As long as I live may I be free from anger, and if anger should arise in me may I dispel it quickly.’

“In the past, bhikkhus, when Sakka, lord of the devas, was a human being, he adopted and undertook these seven vows by the undertaking of which he achieved the status of Sakka.

“When a person supports his parents,
And respects the family elders;
When his speech is gentle and courteous,
And he refrains from divisive words;

When he strives to remove meanness,
Is truthful, and vanquishes anger,
The Tavatiṃsa devas call him
Truly a superior person.”

Posted by: Michael | 08/31/2017

It’s All Mine

Yesterday was rough and, truth be told, I let ill-will and resentment win the day. This morning I sat and dedicated almost the entire period to wishing that I be free from aversion and reflecting on the fact that, no matter what anyone else may do, all of my actions of body, speech and mind are my own. I will be the heir to my anger. I will suffer its results.

As I felt the poison drain from the wound there was an uplifting sense of freedom realizing that there’s no one to blame but myself (and, according to the view of anatta not even that). At this point all I can do is reflect on what happened yesterday, learn what lessons I cam and resolve to do better. Perhaps the biggest thing I can take from yesterday is that deep seated preferences and comfort seeking less straight into suffering when the delicate balance of samsaric conditions change. May I learn to be less attached to comfort and cultivate equanimity.

Posted by: Michael | 08/29/2017

Returning to Compassion

It has been tough going lately with plenty of grist for the mill and many opportunities for practicing upekkha, khanti and karuna. I’m noticing the first signs of burn out in the mind: a kind of compassion fatigue setting in. It’s great that I’ve noticed because, truthfully, I have no other options but to pick up the work and do it whole it lasts and to fully put it down, letting it go when it’s gone.

Like any meditation I have to keep coming back to compassion and equanimity despite my unwillingness, exhaustion and aversion. May I stay open and aware of the difficulties and suffering and remain grateful for the opportunities to transmute the lead of the defilements into the pure gold of the paramis.

Posted by: Michael | 08/28/2017

In the Interim

It seems to me that I’ve literally got lifetimes to go before I make significant progress on the path but, in the interim, karuna and metta feel like great places to rest the mind.

Walking through Union Square station I realized that I was reaching out to each person I saw with compassion not in order to prepare the mind for anything but because it was the best way to get through the morning commute.

Last night, our one year old had a bout of what the doctor described as night terrors which lasted for a few hours. The moments of helplessness reinforced the fact of how out of control life is and how little we can do beyond beating witness in those moments. Great teaching but a hard lesson. That’s why, this morning, as I trudge to work and stick to my commitment to fast until nightfall from food and drink, I’m grateful at least to have the honey of the brahmaviharas to sip upon.

May all beings enjoy happiness and the causes of happiness.

Posted by: Michael | 08/27/2017

Choosing the Difficult

May I seek out and wholeheartedly engage with situations and people that I find difficult and troublesome.

How ignoble is it to spend my days in pursuit of fleeting pleasures? How base to plan my day to coincide with my comfort? This short life is precious so why not use every moment to develop patience, strength and forbearance? Why not choose the difficult?

When my mind recoils from anything may I make the resolve to go directly towards the object of dislike. May I learn to work with dukkha and comprehend it rather than always running away from it. My I learn to sacrifice my own comfort in order to assuage the pain of and bring happiness to others.

Posted by: Michael | 08/25/2017

Watching My Gaze

Walking to the train through late summer Manhattan and I’m surprised by how often my gaze falls upon attractive, feminine forms and wants to linger there. I’ve made an aditthana to look once and, as soon as I recognize the craving, to steady my mind and restrain my gaze. But, the craving for pleasurable sense contact at the eye is strong and, once I become aware of it, it seems like I’m being magnetically pulled in a hundred different directions in rapid succession.

Thinking about rebirth, it is obvious to me that I must have spent innumerable lifetimes chasing after women and for what? What did I gain? I know in this life I left a trail of destruction in my wake and sowed seeds of my own downfall through kamesu miccachara so what else is this if not blindness when I continue to fall prey?

May I hold fast to this resolve until I find a teacher who can set me on a more effective path or am able to ordain.

Posted by: Michael | 08/24/2017

No Retreat

In this charmed life of mine (written without sarcasm) I still find plenty of opportunities to suffer. And, despite knowing better, I still feel compelled to respond in kind when barbed words of reproach are thrown my way. There is suffering but it is mine as my birthright and rightful inheritance. There is no option to turn back, no possibility of retreat.

In the heat of the moment I have at lea been able to recall that the fruition of this kamma couldn’t come at a better time. Better I harvest the bitter fruits of my party unskilled conduct while I yet enjoy the previous circumstances of a life lived during the time of a Buddha’s sasana than in a world devoid of wisdom or in the animal or hell realms. At least here there is the possibility of patiently enduring and using the arsenal of the Dhamma to fend off kilesas that would only have me compound my suffering.

So, yet again, I reaffirm my commitment to use this life to learn the lessons of khanti and metta parami. May I not seek to change my outward situation until I have transformed my heart for doing so would be to beat a retreat out of the battle and into an ambush.

Short indeed is this life—

within a hundred years one dies,

and, if any live longer

then they die of decay.

People grieve for what is “mine”:

though possessions are not permanent

and subject to destruction—

see this and homeless dwell.

In death it’s all abandoned,

yet still some think “it’s mine”;

knowing this, the wise to me devoted

should stoop not making it “owned”.

As one who’s waking then sees not

the things that happened in sleep;

so the beloved are not seen—

departed and done their time.

People now are seen and heard

and this are called by name,

but alone will the name remain

in speaking of those gone.

In “mine-making” greedy, they do not let go of sorrow, lamenting and avarice,

therefore sages leaving possessions

freely wander, seers of security.

For one practicing in solitude,

keeping company with secluded mind,

of such a one are all agreed:

“In being he’ll not be seen again”.

In all matters the sage is unsupported,

nothing that makes dear, nor undear,

sorrow and avarice do not stain that one,

As water does not stay upon a leaf.

As a water-drop on lotus plant,

as water does not stain a lotus flower,

even so the sage is never stained

by seen, heard, or whatever’s cognized.

Certainly the wise do not conceive

upon the seen, the heard, and cognized,

nor wish for purity through another,

for they are not attached nor yet displeased.

Posted by: Michael | 08/22/2017

Stained Heart

Why is it that my heart first looks outside of itself when overcome with suffering? Why does my heart seek to blame another for its pain when the truth is that the true cause of its troubles is of its own making?

I’m finding myself caught up again in a cycle of blame and complaint which, though still internal, is building in intensity. It is so tempting to find fault with others, to bemoan one’s treatment but the truth remains that unkind words and deeds could find no purchase if the heart weren’t already stained.

May I constantly remind myself that my own is suffering is the result of my kamma, my choices and that it is up to me alone to train the heart and make a way out of it. May I never blame another for my unhappiness and may I be ever grateful for those who teach me patience and restraint.

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