Walking to the train through late summer Manhattan and I’m surprised by how often my gaze falls upon attractive, feminine forms and wants to linger there. I’ve made an aditthana to look once and, as soon as I recognize the craving, to steady my mind and restrain my gaze. But, the craving for pleasurable sense contact at the eye is strong and, once I become aware of it, it seems like I’m being magnetically pulled in a hundred different directions in rapid succession.
Thinking about rebirth, it is obvious to me that I must have spent innumerable lifetimes chasing after women and for what? What did I gain? I know in this life I left a trail of destruction in my wake and sowed seeds of my own downfall through kamesu miccachara so what else is this if not blindness when I continue to fall prey?
May I hold fast to this resolve until I find a teacher who can set me on a more effective path or am able to ordain.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
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