Cattāri Brahmavihārā

3. “He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me,”–in those who harbour such thoughts hatred will never cease.

4. “He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me,”–in those who do not harbour such thoughts hatred will cease.

5. For hatred does not cease by hatred at any time: hatred ceases by love, this is an old rule.

Here we are again. My wife and I have been have arguments again and a few nights ago she got a little physical. Funny how it works when the male isn’t the aggressor because even though I extracted an apology and a commitment to swear off the use of physical violence she has only done so reluctantly and is full of comebacks and caveats excusing her behavior. The current line of reasoning is that I’m verbally abusive although nothing I say fits the definition. I don’t curse, degrade or denigrate her. At most I am emotionally absent during these fights but she has taken to calling that abuse. So much for a detente.

I cannot tell you how much I wish I had never discovered sex in this lifetime and had met with the Dhamma earlier but that wasn’t my kamma. Now I have at least 18 more years of suffering to go so I plan at least to make good use of it. May I never be sidetracked by romantic relationships in any future lives. May I always practice the Dhamma and never be separated from it.

I’ll leave you with this words from Luang Por Mun:

Ācariya Mun then continued: “You see, this is the very nature of the world: one moment there’s affection, another moment there’s friction, anger, and hatred. Even though you know it to be wrong, it’s hard to correct. Have you ever seriously tried to correct this problem? If so, it shouldn’t happen very often. Even a minimum effort should be enough to keep it under control. Otherwise, it’s like eating three meals a day: in the morning you quarrel, in the afternoon you quarrel, and in the evening you quarrel –regularly around the clock. Some people even end up in divorce, allowing their children to become caught up in the conflagration as well. They are innocent, yet they too must bear the burden of that bad kamma. Everyone is affected by this blazing fire: friends and acquaintances keep their distance due to the shame of it all. Assuming both parties are interested in settling the issue, they should be aware that an argument is a bad thing, and stop as soon as it starts, and make an effort to correct it at that point. The matter can then sort itself out so that in the future such problems don’t recur. For instance, when anger or aversion arises, first, think of the past you have shared together; and then, think of the future you will share living together for the rest of your lives. Now compare this to the malice that’s just arisen. That should be enough to lay the matter to rest.  “Mostly, people who go astray do so because they insist on having their own way. Without considering whether they’re right or wrong, they want to personally dominate everybody else in the family –something which just isn’t possible to achieve. Such arrogance spreads and rages, singeing others until everyone is scarred. Even worse, they want to exert their influence over everyone else in the world, which is as impossible as trying to hold back the ocean with your hands. Such thoughts and actions should be strictly avoided. If you persist in them they will bring your own downfall. People living together must adhere to and be guided by equitable standards of behavior when dealing with their husbands, wives, children, servants, or co-workers. This means interacting with them in a reasonable, harmonious way. Should others not accept the truth, it is they who are at fault for being so unreasonable, and it is they who will pay the price –not those who adhere firmly to guiding principles.”