Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 07/01/2019

Brahmacariya Day 12

It’s day twelve of my attempt to practice brahmacariya and the mind’s constant fascination with and hankering after female forms is both tiring and utterly absurd. There is almost no woman that it will not twist into an object of desire. And, whether skillful or not, I feel sullied by the intrusive thoughts.

Surely these thoughts must subside, right? The feeling is very similar to that which I experienced when I quit smoking but this hook is embedded much more deeply. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all for naught for as long as I am living the lay life. How can I practice strict brahmacariya while folding my wife’s lacy underwear?

And, yet, what better option is there? Resign myself to drowning or at least commit to keeping my head above water despite the fatigue and discomfort?

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Posted in brahmacariya, Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Family Life, Sensual Desire, Taṇhā, Theravada | Tags: celibacy, marriage, suffering

Posted by: Michael | 06/30/2019

Poisoned Cakes

Yesterday I decided that what I really needed was to treat myself: I turned on the AC. I got a massage. I spent most of the day in bed reading. And, unsurprisingly, I ended up feeling the worse for it. How many times will I need to repeat these mistakes to see that this is not what I need? How often will I retreat into the illusion of comfort before I see it as just that: an illusion? All of the mind’s delights are but like poisoned cakes. Sweet, yes, but offering no sustenance and deadly pain to follow.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Sensual Desire, Taṇhā, Theravada | Tags: illusion, poisoned cake

Posted by: Michael | 06/28/2019

Determination

What is the voice that tells me that it’s okay to quit when I have made a determination? What do I gain by surrender when I know that my aim is good? Comfort? Pleasure? And how lasting are these?

Right now, I’m fighting with my urge to break a fast that I took up last night after deciding yesterday was my free day. I intend to fast for 36 hours which means I won’t break it until around 10 am tomorrow. But I already am hearkening to the siren’s call of food. It is a feeling that is not at all dissimilar to the intoxicating allure of sexual pleasure.

I would like to be able to keep my eyes open to see the snares of desire and not be tricked by them but, if I’m not able to do so, may I at least keep my aditthana and not eat until tomorrow morning.

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Posted in Aditthana, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Fasting, Taṇhā, Theravada | Tags: determination

Posted by: Michael | 06/27/2019

Nel Mezzo del Cammin

The last few days have been difficult to be sure and I haven’t been able to find the time or preserve of mind to post. Today, however, I have been able to slow down and take my time. This is due, in no small part, to the fact that my family is in NH.

I am yet struggling with brahmacariya, alternately complaining about my wife’s lack of desire for physical intimacy and my own intransigence but I do feel that progress is being made. The greatest thing I could hope to accomplish in this life is overcoming the bondage of lust so it’s no small fight indeed.

It is frightening to behold how quickly my mind can be flooded and intoxicated by the mere thought of sense pleasures and how it changes so completely from one moment to the next. Luckily I have the Dhamma and support from Stoic and brahmacariya groups online as well. In some ways, I’m floating further out to sea as the impossibility of reconciliation with my wife becomes more concrete but that really is just fine. What is there to hold onto anyway? Wish me luck as I try to force the path of the married, Buddhist brahmacari in NYC.

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Posted in brahmacariya, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Family Life, Sensual Desire, Stoicism, Taṇhā, Theravada | Tags: brahmacari, celibacy, intimacy, marriage

Posted by: Michael | 06/24/2019

It’s a Difficult Road

It’s certainly not easy trying to disentangle oneself from the bonds of attraction to the person work whom you’ve spent half your life and who is the mother of your children. But, luckily for me, she has no interest in that kind of intimacy and is generally full of contempt for yours truly. I say “luckily” and I mean it – were it not for that, I could very well never even have tried to practice brahmacariya. And, having already done so much that’s wrong with this body out of bondage to sexual craving, I can ill afford to waste any more time.

Knowing all of this, however, it’s still not easy. Confronted, day in and day out with her form and presence, it has been difficult to find peace and cultivate detachment. Regardless, what other choice is there?

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Posted in brahmacariya, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Dukkha, Family Life, Sensual Desire, Taṇhā, Theravada | Tags: celibacy, intimacy, marriage

Posted by: Michael | 06/21/2019

Advice for a Friend

“Remember that the door is open. Don’t be more cowardly than children, but just as they say, when the game is no longer fun for them, ‘I won’t play any more,’ you too, when things seem that way to you, say, ‘I won’t play any more,’ and leave, but if you remain, don’t complain.” (Epictetus Discourses I.24.20)

For the millionth time my wife brought up the fact that we should divorce. I sent her this quote this morning after reminding her that no one is forcing her to remain.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Family Life, Stoicism, Theravada | Tags: divorce, marriage

Posted by: Michael | 06/20/2019

No Matter How Low

May I never abandon loving-kindness, no matter how low I’ve fallen. Regardless of my failures may I always cleave to compassion and use them as fuel to the fires of forgiveness. May my weaknesses remind me of the necessity of the training and serve to keep me humble and never allow me to be haughty.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Confession of Fault, Dhamma, Karuna, Metta, Theravada | Tags: compassion, haughty, humility, love

Posted by: Michael | 06/18/2019

Premeditatio Malorum and Tonglen

The idea of meditating on the worst possible scenarios to acquaint the mind with then and thereby remove the shock and sting is probably my favorite Stoic meditation technique. It has analogs in the Dhamma such as the death contemplation and the Five Subjects for Frequent Recollection but, perhaps due to a dearth of surviving texts, the Stoic approach seems more free form and open ended.

This morning I spent some time considering the death of my children due to climate change driven famine. It was heart-wrenching to say the least to imagine them crying out in pain, their faces hollowed out and sunken; the light in their eyes extinguished. Even now it’s painful to write. At this point I breathed in their suffering and breathed out succor and health. Finally, I finished with metta to myself and to them individually.

The truth is that we will all die. The truth is that we don’t know how or when. Why not make the best of these days by preparing ourselves to meet death with open eyes and a heart full of compassion and love?

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Posted in Bodhisattvayana, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Family Life, Maranassati, Stoicism, Theravada, Tibetan Buddhism | Tags: . death meditation, Five Subjects for Frequent Recollection, Premeditatio Malorum

Posted by: Michael | 06/17/2019

Happy Uposatha – Discomfort

This week I’m working on training through discomfort. I quoted the passage of Musonius Rufus yesterday that is relevant but here it is again:

“Now there are two kinds of [Stoic] training, one which is appropriate for the soul alone, and the other which is common to both soul and body. We use the training common to both when we discipline ourselves to cold, heat, thirst, hunger, meager rations, hard beds, avoidance of pleasures, and patience under suffering. For by these things and others like them the body is strengthened and becomes capable of enduring hardship, sturdy and ready for any task; the soul too is strengthened since it is trained for courage by patience under hardship and for self-control by abstinence from pleasures.”

-Musonius Rufus, Lectures, 6

In that vein, I have decided to take up bearing with heat and cold and standing while in the train when at least one other person is doing so — I don’t want to cultivate a sense of pride so I decided not to do it when there’s an empty car with plenty seats. Or maybe I’m just lazy.

Other practices recommended are fasting and eating meager meals ( which I try to do regularly and am doing today for the uposatha), hard beds (such is the floor), avoidance of pleasures and patience. The uposatha satisfies all of these as does the practice of brahmacariya every day (I think I’m on a personal record at 17 days). Anyway, I’m always fascinated by how close the Stoics came to the Dhamma; it’s a shame they didn’t meet with it as it could have changed the course of history. Regardless, happy uposatha!

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Posted in brahmacariya, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Nekkhama, Stoicism, Theravada, Uposatha | Tags: Musonius Rufus, Stoic body training

Posted by: Michael | 06/16/2019

Enduring Hardship – Musonius Rufus

“Now there are two kinds of [Stoic] training, one which is appropriate for the soul alone, and the other which is common to both soul and body.

We use the training common to both when we discipline ourselves to cold, heat, thirst, hunger, meager rations, hard beds, avoidance of pleasures, and patience under suffering.

For by these things and others like them the body is strengthened and becomes capable of enduring hardship, sturdy and ready for any task; the soul too is strengthened since it is trained for courage by patience under hardship and for self-control by abstinence from pleasures.”