Leaving work late after a 14 hour day and one of my first and strongest impulses is to feel sorry for myself and be slightly resentful. But, it doesn’t take long before gratitude and appreciation suggest themselves as smarter alternatives and, even if they don’t wash away the fatigue, they at least lead to more skilfull states than aversion. Besides, it’s pretty obvious the minute you step out onto any New York street that so many people don’t have jobs let alone the barest of comforts. So, may we be grateful to be able to support ourselves and those we love while we have the good fortune to do so and may we have compassion for ourselves and those who are struggling to keep their heads above water.
Posted by: Michael | 03/05/2013
Fourteen-hour Day
Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: appreciation, compassion, gratitude, working
Posted by: Michael | 03/04/2013
Brothers and Sisters in the Dhamma
I had a lot of bodily discomfort tonight during the Sunday night meditation with my meditation group. It got so bad that there were points where I fantasized about running out of the room to go straight home but once I started to help break down the room and engaged with other members of the group my attention shifted from the pain to a genuine interest in the people I was with. It’s hard to describe but I feel such a gratitude and appreciation for the members of the group who are trying their level best to follow this path and for the teacher we have. I have often felt the same about everyone who has commented here and want to express my deep appreciation for all of my brothers and sisters in the Dhamma. Sukhi hotu!
Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: appreciation, community, Dhamma, gratitude, parisa, Sangha
Posted by: Michael | 03/03/2013
Aditthana Parami
I believe this the latest I have ever posted and for good reason as I’m close to falling asleep. Still, over the years of practice I have found that sticking with resolves and practicing aditthana parami has become ever more important. As a result/ even though most of my day was spent in absence of the breath and often lost in aversion I was not willing to let slide my determination to post once a day. Strange to say but it is a good feeling to believe in the words that come out of one’s mouth and to know that one is working to become a person to be relied on by self and others. Many thanks to all of you who read and comment here. May we all know true freedom from bondage!
Posted in Aditthana, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: aditthana, determination, integrity, reliability, resolve, truth
Posted by: Michael | 03/01/2013
An Imaginary Goodness
It’s easy to unconsciously paint yourself a mental caricature of the person you like to believe you are but it’s never very easy to reconcile that image with unexpected intrusions from reality. The last two days have been filled with in explicable outburts of anger (although yesterday was certainly worse) and I find myself without much of clue as to whence or why. I believe the fatigue and the resultant retreat to sensuality are mysteriously connected by subterranean tendrils but as I have not the insight to see the matrices below the surface I really cannot tell.
Be all that as it may, I am faced with the shameful situation of having acted on the basis of anger and enmity on more than one occasion of late. So what do you do? To me, the only sensible option is to beg pardon of those upon whom you’ve inflicted your impetuous wrath but isn’t that too facile? It may be for some less proud than I and it surely seems so in theory but humbling onself under an apology seems the only way to redress such faults.
May we all find freedom from bondage and know the happiness of release.
Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Restlessness and Remorse, Theravada | Tags: anger, failings, faults, forgiveness, impetuosity
Posted by: Michael | 03/01/2013
Wrong View, Wrong Effort
I feel as if my effort may be in need of a slight modification because it seems that I may be pushing a little too hard. Still, it’s always hard to tell if one’s fatigue and feelins of desperation are a result of wrong effort alone or the sum total of demands one is placing upon a finite energy supply. Reflecting on this as I write it does seem to me that it may be more of a problem of view than of effort. Thinking about it I see that I have been practicing so that I can once again feel the piti and sukha of the week my family was away. The desperation with which I have been approaching the sits is surely working against me so I will try to spend more time playing with my intention beforehand. Thank you to everyone who reads these posts and all who make this possible.
Posted in Dhamma | Tags: desperation, formal medit, wrong effort, wrong view
Posted by: Michael | 02/27/2013
Work and Worry
For the last two days my mind has been returningb over and over again to worries and anxieties about my job. The crazy part is that there are no apparent difficultiies on the horizon that are causing me to be so preoccupied. The strange thing about this most current preoccupation is that I think it may very well be covetousness, something with which I have not had a lot of experience with.
In essence, my partner and I were discussing how to move forward with the business in order to reduce our tax liability as much as possible and the disparity between our household incomes was repeatedly brought up. It is not as if this is something new which I had not known before but it just struck me differently yesterday. I guess that even more than coveting his wealth I covet the position of financial strength and security from which he is able tto operate and feel like less of a partner in the business for it. This is, quite obviously, the moment when one departs completely from ratiionality and moves completely into the realm of unbridled and uninformed tanha but my mind has been enthralled to such thoughts for the last day.
So, how does one negotiate such issues and navigate such slippery terrain? Issues of work and supporting my family have not only consumed most of my adult life but are what, for better and for worse, give me a sense of my value in the world. Yes, contemplation on death, on the truth of rebirth and kamma and recollection of the Dhamma are excellent ways to reassert Right View and snap myself out of these delusions but I sometimes feel as if more should be possible. In a way, it feels almost too facile to simply recall anicca and death as a way to extricate myself from work or financial worries. And, having said that, perhaps it is if that is the only way I use such perceptions. What would be a skillful way of working with such delusions? That is the question that I intend to put to my teacher during our next interview. May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness.
Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Practice at Work, Restlessness and Remorse, Theravada | Tags: anicca, Business, covetousness, death, Dhamma, finances, kamma, rebirth, work, worry
Posted by: Michael | 02/26/2013
Confession of Faults
Yesterday was the uposatha and although I was able to keep my precepts unbroken for most of the day when I finally got home around 9pm I was in such a state that I broke down and ate the dinner my wife had mistakenly prepared. Hardly a tragedy but being in the especially weakened state I found myself in last night I definitely took it harder than I would have expected.
Needless to say that I hate to break resolves once they have been made but when it happens I suppose the best one can do is to be honest with oneself about what has been done and resolve not to let it happen again (which in itself may entail a whole series of related undertaking and resolves). One practice that I have found to be very helpful in keeping me honest and allowing me to work through any feelings of guilt or remorse is the act of confessing my fault with others on the Path. Just admitting publically that we are subject to failure has provedn to be immensely helpful in curbing egotism. Simultaneously, my own admissions of weakness have almost always been met by my Dhamma brothers and sisters with compassion, care or commiseration which has only helped to strengthen my practice. May we all be grateful for the goodness of others! Sukhitaa hontu!
Posted in Aditthana, Buddhism, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Theravada, Uposatha | Tags: athha-sila, confession, Dhamma, failings, honesty, integrity, precepts, uposatha
Posted by: Michael | 02/25/2013
Happy Uposatha – Magha Puja
Today is Magha Puja day and, frankly, I don’t feel up the challenge which is not to say that I won’t be observing but I assume that much of today will be about trying to skillfully navigate the resistance. It’s funny (and completely sensible) but observance days always seem to be times when the hindrances come on stronger than usual. I find myself lingering on a pretty face, always about to break out in a silly tune with my kids or inclined to react aggressively when someone shoulder-checks me on the platform. for better or for worse, fatigue always exagerates these tendencies so today should be a special treat. Being the day that the Lord Buddha gave the Fire Sermon to 1250 arahants though I don’t feel quite right slackening. What laughter, what joy when all is consumed by the flames of birth, aging and death?
Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Theravada, Uposatha | Tags: aging, arahant, birth, death, fatigue, fire sermon, hindrances, kilesas, magha puja, uposatha
Posted by: Michael | 02/24/2013
Faith in Kamma
This morning I was only able to sneak twenty minutes of formal meditation this morning because I didn’t wake up early enough to get in my sitting before the kids woke up. I guess I could have been upset but I wasn ‘t. I could also have easily been disturbed by the fact that my meditation hasn’t been the same since my family returned from their visit but it really doesn’t surprise or alarm me. Would I like for the ease and bliss of last weeks sits to return? Of course, but I’ve become even more convinced in the reality of kamma and that by focusing on developing the causes the results will come without fail. It’s really just a matter putting the work in and having patience.
Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Theravada | Tags: cultivation, faith, kamma, meditation, saddha
Posted by: Michael | 02/23/2013
To My Son
It is ridiculously early for me to be out on a Saturday morning but we have a convention to attend in. Atlantic City so that’s why I’m waiting for the Q at this strange pre-dusk hour. I knew I wouldn’t get the chance to post if I didn/t do it now as the day will be spent with my partner and employees so I will consider myself fortunate if I can remember the breath more than a handful of times. Moving on…
As I meditated this morning I was glad to find the mind slightly more workable than it had been for the last few days. Nonetheless, I still felt the need to freshen it so I began to reflect on my own generosity which lead on to the thought that I often gave dana to people on the street with my son, even giving him money to do so at times. What struck me was that I am grateeful to him for the opportunity to share generosity and virtue in a way that I never would have shared these things with anyone else. His total receptivity to the Dhamma is inspiring and invigorating to say the least. May we all grow in the Dhamma and the Discipline and may we find true and lasting happiness.
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