I am on the eve of a ten-day vacation out of state to a remote location in the wilds of New England and am unsure of how often I’ll be able to find an internet connection. Despite that I will still be “posting” on a daily basis as this has truly become a practice that I enjoy and which has proven to be of real value. So, for all of you who have read and commented I want to thank you for continuing to inspire my practice. May all of you know the bliss of liberation in this very life!
Posted by: Michael | 07/12/2013
Vacation
Posted by: Michael | 07/11/2013
Second Day
The second day of fasting is always the hardest for me. It is as if I have used up all of my reserves on the first day. It doesn’t help that I have to work at he and both of my kids have been cooped up in the little apartment with me and my wife all day. So, suffice it to say that my mind is in a pretty bad place right now and I am incredibly irritable. What to do when even random sounds are enough to trigger an angry reaction? At present, the best I can muster is to stifle any such impulses as nothing but ill will come of them and I need to keep reminding myself to forgive me for not being nearly as perfect as I would like to be.
May no beings ever go hungry and may all look after themselves with!
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- Falling Down & Fucking Up (thejoyfulalchemist.wordpress.com)
- To err is human; to forgive, divine. (weighinonlife.wordpress.com)
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Cheerfulness, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Gratitude, Karuna, Theravada | Tags: Alternative, End-of-Life, forgiveness, health, People, Right to Die
Posted by: Michael | 07/10/2013
Out of Love and Compassion
Today is the first day of Ramadhan and as part of my formal meditation this morning I thought it would be a good idea to reflect on the fact that I am fasting out of love and compassion for myself and specifically by undertaking the practice of nekkhama parami. This line of thinking soon brought me to the realization that all of Dhamma practice can really be considered brahma vihara practice because it is all done out the intention to lessen one’s own suffering and to find true happiness. So, whereas I have made a distinction in the past between metta and anapanasati I see now that as long as I am practicing rightly with samma sankappo I am always practicing the brahma viharas.
May we undertake all that we do out of love and compassion for ourselves!
Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dana, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Karuna, Metta, Nekkhama, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: compassion, fasting, love, nekkhama, parami, perfection, Ramadhan, renunciation, self-love
Posted by: Michael | 07/09/2013
Putting to the Side
Lately I have been feeling so much stress that it has been invading my formal meditation and causing me to feel as though the world is closing in on me. In fact, last night as I sat for my evening metta I had the distinct impression that there was a literal weight crushing down on me from above and this was no purely mental phenomenon-it truly felt as if there was a physicalpressure bearing down on me. Still, before anyone goes out and calls for the men in white coats I want to state that this is not the whole of my experience.
What is amazing to me is that there can be so many causes of stress and worry while at the same time there can exist some space where other things take place. I can being relatively happy watching my breath as I walk down the street while in the background bubble away very real concerns about my fiknances, my kids’ school, the environment, starving and sick children, and so on ad infinitum. So, there is the seeming paradox that the mind holds all of these things and then there is also the slowly dawning realization that there is simply so much danger out there that it does no good to fret over it. If worry were a protection that would be one thing but it isn’t so all of the time spent on it is simply a waste. Still, the only way out is throughh so my job, as unpleasant as it is, is not to side-step or avoid but to see it, feel it and put it back down.
Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Parenting, Practice at Work, Restlessness and Remorse, Theravada | Tags: Anxiety, compassion, karuna, Stress, worry
Posted by: Michael | 07/08/2013
Happy Uposatha – Monkey Mind
After doing this for a few years I somewhat expected that my mind would quiet down and the whole thing would get easier. Since I’m writing this it should be obvious that this is not the case. I have mentioned ad nauseam that my formmer hindrance of choice was sluggishness but it has changed over to restlessness of late. In a way I understand that this is the nature of things and that I simply need to stay with it but catching 10 or 12 breaths during a 40 minute period just seems grossly inadequate. I suppose what I’m looking for is confirmation that nothing more can be done but, then again, who but myself could offer that?
My best resort seems to be nothing less than loving-kindness and compassionate acceptance of myself and where I’m at paired with unflagging determination to practice. Much like my five-year-old, my mind will only rebel against any attempt to deal brusquely or harshly with it so I may as well enjoy being kind and gentle to myself.
Posted in Aditthana, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Karuna, Metta, Parenting, Practice at Work, Restlessness and Remorse, Theravada, Uposatha | Tags: compassion, Dhamma, hindrance, loving-kindness, meditation, monkey mind
Posted by: Michael | 07/07/2013
Seeds of Anicca
Watching my kids play in the sprinkler at my in-laws’ I am at once filed with joy at their own happiness while simultaneously feeling the anxiety that comes as a result of my own faulry understanding of anicca. This awareness of the bitter side of every happy moment has been part and parcel of every experience of which I have memory. In fact, even my earliest memores seem to contain at least the seeds of an awareness of anicca (impermanence) but always in a tragic way. Clearly then as now my understanding is lacking in wisdom.
So, my question is this: how does one reflect on impermanence in daily life without succumbing to negative perceptions (as I am wont to do)?
Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: anicca, impermanence, reflection
Posted by: Michael | 07/06/2013
An Apology Notebook
Each day I do many things that I quickly regret and almost as quickly forget. And yet, although the details are forgotten it seems to me that a certain malaise, a miasma of dull anguish renders everything gray and undefined. Well, maybe it’s not always qute that bad but it seems to me that I am more often than not feeling contrite for having said, done or thought something that I know was unskillful and have come up with precious few ways to discharge the guilt.
Yesterday, however, was a different story. While listening to a Dhamma talk on http://www.abhayagiri.org, I heard one of the ajahns mention something about being the type of person who goes back and asks for forgiveness from people even for things which we often gloss over like a snide remark or a failure to give someone our full attention. At that moment I remembered an episode that had happened earlier in the morning with my wife where I had said something in an unskillful way so I quickly jotted it down in a notebook to bring up later. I did mention it to her later it wasn’t in the best of circumstances so it didn’t come off as the apology I had hoped so I’ll have to do better next time. Still, there was something about simply acknowledging that I had done something blameworthy that seemed worthwhile in and of itself. So, I intend to keep an apology notebook (offline for now) so that I can not only bring more attention to my actions but to ask forgiveness of those I harm day in and day out.
Related articles
- Forgiveness (luminouscompassion.wordpress.com)
- Arguments. (smosty.wordpress.com)
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Posted in Aditthana, Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Theravada | Tags: abhayagiri, anguish, Arts, Buddhism, Dharma talk, different story, forgiveness, full attention, miasma, Moleskine, notebook, Recreation, Relationships, snide remark
Posted by: Michael | 07/05/2013
Ramadhan 2013
Ramadhan begins for most Muslims in the US this Monday and marks a month of fasting and prayer. Although I don’t consider myself an observant Muslim, many years ago when my wife and I had wanted to marry, I was required (by family tradition) to convert. As such, every year since I have (tried my best to) undertaken the fast with my in-laws.
My first Ramadhan was one of the most physically difficult things I have ever endured but I found it rewarding in many ways. Perhaps most obvious is the way that shared suffering creates and strengthens communal bonds but, for me, the true draw has been perfecting the parami of nekkhama and simultaneously watching the mind flop about like a fish out of water when deprived of its usual playthings. And although bi don’t believe in a creator god like Allah I have certainly experienced what could be described as a deepened awareness of the sacred and a heightened concern about the quality of my actions, words and thoughts. It is more or less the same feeling I get late in the day during uposatha days and is something I have come to treasure about Ramadhan.
I wish to dedicate this year’s observance to all beings and wish that they may all find freedom from suffering. Furthermore, I will make a renewed determination to be of service to everyone in my life and will seek out every opportunity to give charity every day of the month of fasting.
Sabbe satta sabba dukkha pamuccantu!
Posted by: Michael | 07/05/2013
A Sore Heart
Posted by: Michael | 07/03/2013
Tenderness
Watching a mentally disabled (my apologies if I’m getting the term wrong) man navigate through the treacherous social world of the city this morning at once made me uncomfortable and filled my heart with a bitter sweet tenderness. My discomfort is the fact that before I knew he was disabled I had judged him by his appearance. So why did I need that piece of information before I could open my heart?
Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Karuna, Theravada | Tags: compassion, fault-finding, karuna
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