Posted by: Upāsaka Subhavi | 07/09/2013

Putting to the Side

Lately I have been feeling so much stress that it has been invading my formal meditation and causing me to feel as though the world is closing in on me. In fact, last night as I sat for my evening metta I had the distinct impression that there was a literal weight crushing down on me from above and this was no purely mental phenomenon-it truly felt as if there was a physicalpressure bearing down on me. Still, before anyone goes out and calls for the men in white coats I want to state that this is not the whole of my experience.

What is amazing to me is that there can be so many causes of stress and worry while at the same time there can exist some space where other things take place. I can being relatively happy watching my breath as I walk down the street while in the background bubble away very real concerns about my fiknances, my kids’ school, the environment, starving and sick children, and so on ad infinitum. So, there is the seeming paradox that the mind holds all of these things and then there is also the slowly dawning realization that there is simply so much danger out there that it does no good to fret over it. If worry were a protection that would be one thing but it isn’t so all of the time spent on it is simply a waste. Still, the only way out is throughh so my job, as unpleasant as it is, is not to side-step or avoid but to see it, feel it and put it back down.

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