Posted by: Upāsaka Subhavi | 07/05/2013

A Sore Heart

I find that the evenings are the time of day when I am most likely to lose my cool with my family. I am generally tired, stressed out and in complete misery by the time the long, nightly ritual of cooking, cleaning, bathing, changing and reading begins. Yet, as I sat in my end of day meditation and reflected on my actions I felt a real soreness in my heart for the way I had acted towards my family and so devoted much of my time in asking their forgiveness. Whereas I was able to formerly rationalize my venomous behavior I saw tonight that it’s simply unacceptable for me to act in this way and, furthermore, it is incredibly hypocritical for me to bemoan the behavior of others when I basically repeat their actions later in the day. 

As always, however, it is a question of praxis. What to do when I feel like I’m at the end of my rope and feel too fatigued to do anything? Well, as I ponder the question it seems to me that if I have the energy to launch into invective, to scream or to otherwise act like a lout I have the energy to restrain myself and to treat those around me with the care and love I wish to create in my heart. Sounds like a plan to  me but we shall see what tomorrow brings.

May we live with purpose and not waste a single opportunity to exercise of hearts!

 


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Shillelagh Studies

A hub for the music, culture, knowledge, and practice of Irish stick-fighting, past and present.