Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 07/24/2013

Aditthana and Doubt

This morning’s anapanasati and metta bhavana sessions were complete catastrophes. The mind was agitated and kept running to thoughts about the various unpleasant encounters and dealings I expect to have today and even when it wasn’t doing so I was all but overcome by drowsiness and pain. Worse of all was the doubt which plagued me and threaten to completely pull the rug from under me. Am I doing this right? Does this really count as meditation? Am I simply going through the motions? And yet, probably because I have been playing at this meditation thing for so long, I didn’t get up from the cushion and I tuck it out despite how frankly horrible the quality of the sessions were. It was just there too where I found some solace; in resting in the place of my intention I was able to assuage the doubting voices and persevere to the end.

May we persevere in our determination to practice the Dhamma without regard to external conditions.

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Posted in Aditthana, Anapanasati, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Metta, Restlessness and Remorse, Theravada | Tags: aditthana, doubt, formal meditation, hindrances, metta, sloth and torpor

Posted by: Michael | 07/23/2013

Deserving to Suffer

This morning, crossing 14th St to catch the West Side bus I realized I was questioning my decision to do so. In effect, the bus ride is something I enjoy more than the train because I am actually ablle to see the outside world and avoid being crushed in a sardine-like car. Yet, I often lose about ten minutes of commute time when I take the bus and I often end up feeling that I am simply wasting my time despite the fact that the bus ride seems to help in easing me into the day and side-stepping the frantic rush of the day.

So it was precisely this cost-benefit calculation that ran quickly through my head this AM and I realized that I generally side with the task master in my head that demands an excuse for every little deviation from efficiency and speed.and although I rarely give such issues consideration it is obviouslly unheallthy to continue to live this way. What is ten minutes really worth anyway? If it’s in the service of panic, aversion and anxiety surely it is capable of wreaking havoc on me and those around me. Conversely, if I take those ten minutes to do something that brightens the mind then its impact cannot be over estimated. In short, I never deserve to suffer and to sacrifice peace and gentleness on the altar of efficiency and I need to constantly remind myself of my priorities: kindness and care for all beings.

May all beings be well and happy!

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Karuna, Metta, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: efficiency, gentleness, kindness, love, self-care, work

Posted by: Michael | 07/22/2013

Re-entry

The drive from the wide, open spaces of New Hampsire through Connecticut and Massachussets and into New York seemed to me a visual representation of the changes that were taking place in my mind and heart. As the scenery became less green and ever more crowded with human habitation and man-made structures I felt an anologous cramping and tightening of my mind. Whereas I had allowed my thoughts to roam in fields and streams of Dhamma for the last week I now had to yoke it once more to the reins of my daily life and there was a definite aversion and resistance to doing so. It is only during the moments of transitions that I get a real view of the suffering peculiar to living this way and although I am not yet able or willing to change the situationn at present I am grateful to know it for what it is.

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Gratitude, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: anicca, Dukkha, new hampshire, nyc

Posted by: Michael | 07/20/2013

Staying with My Intention

This morning as I woke up I made the determination to be of service to everyone. My first act of giving was to do the dishes and make breakfast for everyone. Unfortunately, allmost as soon as I bnegan I watched my mind sour towards everyone around me. I watched my intention shift from dana based on loving-kindness to aversion and resentment. I continued watching, looking for an opening to reset my intention to a more skillful iteration of generosity but wasn’t able to find one. The best I could do was to watch the aversion arise and try to restrain myself from acting on it. What to do when one is overcome by aversion during an act of service? Is it enough to “fake it till you make it?” For me the answer has always been yes but I wonder if there is another way to proceed.

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dana, Dhamma, Metta, Theravada | Tags: dana, generosity, restraint, service

Posted by: Michael | 07/19/2013

Loving-kindness at Home

I have been reading a book by Lama Tenzin Palmo for some time (a chapter or two once a week or so) and I have been continually struck by her knowledge not just of her own tradition but also of the Pali canon. But, this is really besides the point. What is most striking to me is her descriptions of how to manifest love and compassion in one’s daily life especially through the practice of khanti parami.

I suspect my interest in khanti parami is largely due to the difficult people with whom I have been spending my vacation and Lama Palmo’s presentation of the teachings on metta and karuna is especially valuable now. In the past, however, I have been reluctant to send metta to my immediate family during formal meditation due to comments by certain bhikkhus and trachers that doing so did not constitute metta bhavana. Furthermore, when it comes to my wife, I have always been stymied by the traditional injunction not to cultivate metta towards people to whom you are sexually attracted. I am confident that all of these recommendations are of great value to monsatics but my misapprehension of the instructions has been to my own detriment. As a result, I decided to spend about 45 minutes sending metta to everyone in the cabin to good effect. It seems to me that my practice will remain superficial and hypocritical until I have solid base of loving-kindness at home.

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Karuna, Khanti, Metta, Parenting, Theravada | Tags: compassion, karuna, love, lovng-kindness, metta

Posted by: Michael | 07/18/2013

Mindful Parenting

One thing I am learning from spending time with my nieces and nephews is that I am able to parent without anger and in a more mindful and deliberate manner. For whatever reason, when I am having to discipline other people’s children I am able to bring a softness and equity that I find it hard to find with my own. I don’t have much time or space to consider the point further but it definitely seems to me that I need to give more weight to the practice of detachment with regard to my own child-hearing.

Mindful Parenting: It’s Not About the Words We Use (medfinder.wordpress.com)
Are We Ready For Our Kids To Be Less Than Perfect? (wailingsofawham.com)

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Parenting, Theravada | Tags: Attachment Parenting, Child, family, Home, Magazines and E-zines, Parent, Shopping, Single parent

Posted by: Michael | 07/17/2013

Camping

I hate to admit it but I have not made much of an effort to practice in the last two days. The sense of disappointment is palpable now at the end of the day as I sit outside my family’s tent being dined on by mosquitos and lisstening to the voices of the little ones whispering to their parents. Sadly I am not making near as much progress tonight with my seated meditation and am afraid of encouraging the unsleeping children to further awaken so I am foregoing walking meditation for the time being. Betwixt the mosquitos and the meditation I think my best hope is equanimity. I am the owner of my actions so there’s simply no use despairing. May all beings be free of pain and suffering.

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Posted in Dhamma

Posted by: Michael | 07/17/2013

Other People’s Children

Spending any significant time with my wife’s sister and family always drives home the point that the home life can turn so quickly into a tangled mass of suffering. The point of contention when we all get together has always been my nephews’ outrageously disrespectful behavior and is something that continues to stretch my limits of compassion and understanding and is something with which I grapple evey time I see them acting out towards myself ot their parents. This inevitably leads to an all out screaming match between my brother and sister and law and my wife and I consider us all lucky if we see each other before the next year is out.

The same knock down, drag out happened today but in a happy twist things have been mended to the point where we are all still together. And although I am grateful for it the problem of how to relate skillfully to such bad behavior remains. I guess my sense of urgency comes directly from my fear of contagion: I fear that if my nephews’ behavior isn’t checked my kids will begin to pick it up. And yet, there is more to it thenn that. When I see them defy, curse or hit their own mother I am filled with an anger and disgust that I don’t fully understand and it becomes hard for me to let go of that hatred even after the moment has passed. So, obviously, this is my work: to check bad behavior, to forgive it and not to allow my heart to harden.

Sabbe satta avera hontu!

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Karuna, Metta, Parenting, Theravada | Tags: anger, aversion, compassion, equanimity, forgiveness

Posted by: Michael | 07/14/2013

Guerrilla Meditation Redux

So it seems that I will be practicing in less than ideal circumstances for at least the next week or so but this morning’s experience has shown me that I can still do something of worth. In short, despite the fact that my kids were up and even, at times, physically messing with me (iwas showered in kisses and then had a stuffed whale deposited on my lap as a parting gift) I manage to find some peace in the breath and was even even to work with the steps of anpanasati for some time. I kept the session at ten minutes and did the first on anapanasati and when I saw the opportunity to do so I took ten minutes to do metta.

To be sure the circumstances weren’t what would be classically defined as conducive to meditation but I took a lot of joy in being able to cultivate some peace and gentleness in the eye of the storm.

May we not squander this precious human life!

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Posted in Anapanasati, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Metta, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: daily life, meditation, meditation in action, precious human life

Posted by: Michael | 07/13/2013

Forgetting

The propensity for the mind to forget both fascinates and disturbs me. In one sense, forgetting is a necessary process without which it would be hard to learn anything new but the flip-side of that is that it can be incredibly difficult to get things to stick.

This morning was a perfect example of the mind’s capacity to forget: despite having practiced a particular method of anapanasati for months now I realized that I had forgotten a technique for evaluating the breath: simply posing open-ended questions and watching the breath for these qualities. What strikes me as doubly odd about this is that I had devotedd a number of posts to this in the not so distant past but to no avail. What is the cause of such forgetfulness? I want to reach immediately for delusion as the explanation but it seems to me that a good amount of aversion and greed have something to do with it. It takes energy to work in such a way and is not a rote technique so this may go a long way in explaining it. Regardless, I am happy to have actually realized what I was doing because anapana without sati is simply breathing.

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Posted in Anapanasati, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Theravada | Tags: Anapanasati, breath meditation, forgetting, techniques