Posted by: Upāsaka | 07/24/2013

Aditthana and Doubt

This morning’s anapanasati and metta bhavana sessions were complete catastrophes. The mind was agitated and kept running to thoughts about the various unpleasant encounters and dealings I expect to have today and even when it wasn’t doing so I was all but overcome by drowsiness and pain. Worse of all was the doubt which plagued me and threaten to completely pull the rug from under me. Am I doing this right? Does this really count as meditation? Am I simply going through the motions? And yet, probably because I have been playing at this meditation thing for so long, I didn’t get up from the cushion and I tuck it out despite how frankly horrible the quality of the sessions were. It was just there too where I found some solace; in resting in the place of my intention I was able to assuage the doubting voices and persevere to the end.

May we persevere in our determination to practice the Dhamma without regard to external conditions.


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