Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 08/04/2013

Not Me, Not Mine

I have had pretty consistent back pain since yesterday and it kept me up until the wee hour of the morning so it took me awhile to get in gear and sit my morning session. The body was mess and the mind kept churning up its usual fare of anxiety and worry punctuated by an awareness of my back pain every now and again. So, the session was difficult (I only made it 40 out of my standard 50 minutes) but it provided me with a great opportunity to turn to the perception of anatta (not-self) with regard to my thoughts.

As I sat watching my attention turn time and again to these endless thoughts of worry I realized that I could view them as they truly are: not me and not mine. They simply arose based on conditions, persisted for a moment and passed away into the oblivion. I can’t really describe the impact of the realization but it may have been one of the first times that I saw how a train of thought I had invested with a sense of self (MYself) was simply a phenomenon like any other and was devoid of personality. Now, don’t think I’m getting any ideas about nearing stream-entry because I’m not’ rather, I see now how the perception of anatta can be used to break through and short-circuit the hindrances in a way I haven’t had access to before.

Interestingly enough, without even looking for it, I listened to the following Dhamma talk by Ven. Thanissaro which had everything to do with our response to pain and how we hold it: http://dhammatalks.org/Archive/130729_Be_an_Adult_around_Pleasure_&_Pain.mp3

May this be of benefit!

Sabbe dhamma anatta (khalilbodhi.wordpress.com)
Insight Meditation 101 – Vipassana from the Buddha (essenceofbuddhism.wordpress.com)

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Posted in Anapanasati, Buddha, Buddhism, Cheerfulness, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Karuna, Metta, Mudita, Restlessness and Remorse, Theravada, Upekkha | Tags: anatta, Back pain, backpain, Conditions and Diseases, health, Medical Specialties, Medicine, Pain management, Physical therapy, United States

Posted by: Michael | 08/03/2013

Selling One’s Soul

Before I begin let me just say that I realize what bad form it may appear to be to use the term “soul” on an unabashedly (Theravadin) Buddhist blog. So, before the villagers get out the torches to storm the castle and commit the beast to the flames please note that it is merely a rhetorical device.

Turning now to the issue at hand, as I was sitting in meditation this morning I watched as the mind kept returning to mundane themes and most frequently to those specifically concerning work. As I reminded myself of my intention (to cultivate tranquillity and concentration by following the steps of anapanasati) a thought arose: cultivating these qualities has the potential to lead to final release whereas allowing my mind to delight in quotidian concerns has no such liberative power. At best, if I allowed myself to turn over and over these thoughts about the business I might make some more money in the short-run (and this is really an outside possibility) but it would all be lost in the end. The insecurity of going for refuge in externals, in business, in money and in other people became glaringly obvious and I realized that giving myself over to these thoughts was like selling my soul to the Devil. Strong simile but I think it really is faithful to the meaning of the phrase.

In meditation and off the cushion, when we give priority to thoughts about the world we are effectively selling our precious opportunity to find freedom a few pieces of gold.

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Posted in Anapanasati, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: bhavana, devil, Mara, meditation, soul

Posted by: Michael | 08/02/2013

Recollection of Our Goodness

The idea of recollecting our good qualities in terms of our dana and sila not solely at the moment of our death but as a way of brightening the mind has taken hold of my mind and has become another focal point of my practice. And yet it is not nearly as easy as it may sound.

After the first entry in the merit notebook (which was to log the starting of the five precept group) I now find myself stumped. And why is that? Why is the quotidian observance of the five precepts not “good enough” to merit being recorded? Good question but I have no answer. At best all I can do is note the fact and make an effort to impress the mind through uncommon acts of sila and dana despite any misgivings I may harbor about these actss not being authentic.

May we all strive to do good and take joy in the goodness of all beings!

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dana, Dhamma, Mudita, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: caga, dana, joy, merit, mudita, sila punna

Posted by: Michael | 08/01/2013

Merit Notebook

I got an excellent idea from a kalyana-mitta who belongs to a Five Precept observance club in which we’re both members: start a notebook cataloging all of the meritorious things done in the course of one’s daily life to be reviewed as one is dying. The subject came up as I was relating my desire for the group to be a safe place to confess our faults and to discuss our difficulties and successes with the precepts and I am grateful that it did.

As I have recounted for some time now, I have been experiencing a variety of negative moods and llow-energy states and it has been all I can do to keep my head above water. But, reflecting on the goodness of my spiritual friends and teachers (especially with respect to their commitment to purifying sila) as well as bringing attention to my own merit I have found much brightness and joy. I feel, for the first time, that I am getting a real understanding for the. Meaning of mudita. And I am truly grateful.

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dana, Dhamma, Gratitude, Karuna, Metta, Mudita, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: Buddhism, kalyana-mitta, mudita, parisa, sila

Posted by: Michael | 08/01/2013

Despair

In the course of the last two days I have felt a visceral despair unlike any other I can remember. Although I can attribute some of it to unwholesome acts they were (or appeared to be) trifling in comparison to the emotional turmoil for which they served as portals into my heart and mind. Still, as my teacher says, there’s no telling which of our actions are going to come to fruition or which will be more kammically potent so when we let our heedfulness slip we can’t be too surprised by what comes walking through the door. Thankfully, the Dhamma is my refuge and after sitting and recollecting gratitude and compassion and chanting the Dhammacakkapavattana sutta I felt much better. Still, let this be a lesson: jut because I’m not breaking a precept doesn’t mean I can lose myself in heedlessness.

Heedfulness is the path to the Deathless. Heedlessness is the path to death. The heedful die not. The heedless are as if dead already.-Dhammapada, v.21

Foundations of Buddhism – some notes (buddhismnow.com)
The Importance of Esala Poya (dzone.lk)

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Gratitude, Sammā Vācā, Theravada | Tags: Buddhism, Dhamma, dhammacakkappavattana sutta, Dharma, Gautama Buddha, Noble Eightfold Path, Religion and Spirituality, Teachings

Posted by: Michael | 07/30/2013

Happy Uposatha – Karuna

Happy uposatha to all! As you can see, I have been smitten with this site that allows you to create cool, motivational-type posters with images and text of your choice. If you can’t tell from the above, karuna is going to be the theme of today’s post precisely because it has been so painfully lacking from my life of late. It’s funny how I can claim to base a good quarter to a third of my daily practice on the cultivation of the brahma viharas and yet fail to treat myself with any of them during the hours I spend off of the cushion. what is more, I don’t believe I even realized just what was going on until the end of a ten-minute walking meditation session that I just finished up with.

If you’ll recall (or if you simply check out the post prior to this one) my last post was on the subject of confusion and although this was an adequate description of how I have been feeling I don’t know if I conveyed the sense of anxiety and angst that such confusion stirs up in my heart. In essence, I have been feeling confused and have been somewhat surreptitiously blaming myself for not “getting it” at the same time. Over the past week or so, my inability to find stability or peace is not simply something which I have been able to watch arise and fall objectively but has become symptomatic of a defect of character and a fault of will; in short, I’m not trying hard enough and I better damn well get to it if I want to put an end to this suffering like it or not.

Silly, yes of course it is, but true too. So, as I was walking and realizing that my mind wasn’t settling and feeling upset and disappointed with myself suddenly realized that force and discernment aren’t good bedfellows. You can’t force insight or force samadhi. I simply need to soften and hold it all with a little more gentleness, kindness and compassion and realize that this is simply the unenlightened mind and a 35 year old’s body trying the best they can to tread the path and plant seeds of goodness. I tend to forget to be encouraged and grateful for the moments of clarity and awakening during a 50 minute sit (there may be 5 on a good day) and instead see only the negative. The Dhamma isn’t a commodity and efficiency isn’t the yardstick by which we measure our progress but I forget these truths so easily. Thank you to all for giving me a place to remember.

Sabbe satta sabba dukkha pamuccantu.

Look for those small openings (davidkanigan.com)

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dana, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Gratitude, Karuna, Parami, Theravada, Uposatha | Tags: Alternative, brahmavihara, health, Kinhin, meditation, Ramadan, Shopping, United States

Posted by: Michael | 07/29/2013

Confusion

For the last several days I have awoken and floatedd heedlessly through the morning before finally mustering the energy to sit. I don’t really know why but my body and mind have felt especially disorganized in the early morning hours and, today at least, there is a constant tightness that approaches the feeling of panic in my upper chest. Suffice it to say that in such a state of outright agitation there is no way to bring any discernment to bear but, thankfully, the teachings have managed to seep through the layers of sophistry and complication and I was able to remember the breath. So, when convulted mental machinations lead me into distress and disarray I know that I can safely lead the mind to the green and open pastures of the breath. Here again the peace is threatened by a surge of thoughts about the breath (I it good enough? Does it feel peaceful enough? Where should I feel it?) but if I just let go of the thinking and come back again to breathing all of this dissolves away.

And even though I know the breath is not the panacea I would like it to be I can use it until the mind is steady enough once more to look clearly and honestly at all that arises.

Buddham Dhammam Sangham namassami.

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Gratitude, Parenting, Practice at Work, Restlessness and Remorse, Theravada | Tags: Anapanasati, Anxiety, breath, daily life

Posted by: Michael | 07/28/2013

Gratus animus est una virtus non solum maxima, sed etiam mater virtutum omnium reliquarum.

My apologies for the really long title but it really wouldn’t do to cut it off in the middle. I see this morning that yesterday’s post never uploaded which is fine because it really wasn’t anything worth reading. I was in a definite funk all day yesterday ostensibly due to fasting but in reality due to the uncovering of the dukkha that lies dormant in this fathom long body for the unenlightened mind. However, late last night, well after I had thought that my post uploaded, I stumbled back upon the realization that I have so much in my life to appreciate and for which to be grateful. I don’t know why this stuck me as so revolutionary but it completely turned my mind state around and brightened my mind tremendously.

Now, for those of you who have been following this blog for some time, it will not come as a surprise that I rediscover the power of gratitude/appreciation from time to time and then forget it about it for months on end. I think this is because gratitude/appreciation as such does not appear as a separate quality in any of the numerous list in the suttas and commentaries with which I am familiar and the concept is one which these days is primarily within the province of theists. For a Theravada Buddhist to be grateful for something seems initially like an oxymoron since we dispense with the notion off a creator deity but, with some thought, it is not as nonsensical as it may first appear.

In the Karaniya Metta Sutta, contentment is listed as one of the qualities of a bhikkhu/ni needed to cultivate metta. Contentment may at first seem like a poor stand-in for gratitude but in my mind it is a difference solely of magnitude not of a kind. With the typical restraint of the Blessed One, a disciple is advised to be content with what is which seems to me a form of gratitude that represents a more balanced and equanimous mind that the more sentimental gratitude. To me, gratitude is contentment on steroids. I can feel the energy of gratitude in my chest like a hot, white lite in the center of my chest whereas contentment more closely resembles a soft, white glow felt throughout the body. In essence, it seems to me that contentment is simply an attenuation of the energy of gratitude made possible by panna. Then again, I could be completely mistaken about the etiology.

Regardless, of the mechanics behind gratitude I can state that th role that it plays in helping me to overcome unskillful states and engender wholesome ones is proof enough of its importance for my at this point in my practice. And, rather than getting hung up on “suitable objects” for my appreciation I now feel that it is good and just even to be grateful for small sensual pleasures if only for the reason that I am able to enjoy them at the expense of countless beings who cannot. In essence, rather than hold AC in disdain (for example) as a weakness I should give thanks for it while using it sparingly in recognition of the resources I am using and thereby depriving others of. Does that make sense? All I am trying to say is that if I am going to have a nice apartment or a nice pair of shorts I should not flagellate myself for them and disregard their value but I should appreciate them and those who have had to sacrifice (both willingly and not) to make them possible.

My apologies for my long-windedness and rambling and I thank all of you for your comments and advice. Bhavatu sabba mangalam!

A Primer on Virtue – Contents (aprimeronvirtue.wordpress.com)
Meditation of Gratitude (meditationclasssydney.wordpress.com)
Thank you thank you thank you (approchh.wordpress.com)
Gratitude (parisanoman.wordpress.com)

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Cheerfulness, Dana, Dhamma, Gratitude, Theravada | Tags: Auctor, bhikkhu, Buddhism, Cursus, Dukkha, funk all day, God, gratitude, Lorem ipsum, Religion and Spirituality, Technology, Theravada

Posted by: Michael | 07/26/2013

Revisiting the Brahmaviharas

For reasons that I don’t completely understand I have long been operating under the assumption that the Pali terms and phrases for each of the four brahmaviharas were the best form to use when reflecting and contemplating these states. And although each term does carry a certain emotive value it is now and has been for some time clear that the words in Pali alone were not adequate to open the heart to these abidings. So, this morning, as I prepared to sit I took a moment to reflect on why I was cultivating the brahmaviharas and what I hoped to achieve therefrom. In essence, my aim has been to open my heart to the people and events of my life rather than to attempt to enter the jhanas so, at least in my limited and provisional understanding, it seems to make sense to engage the divine abodes vis-a-vis a reflective, insight-based technique rather than one suited to the development of one-pointedness.

I hope all of the foregoing makes sense and I apologize for the verbosity but I’m still working this out in my head. It seems to me, however, that the proof is in the pudding despite my inability to convey my understanding of exactly how this takes place. What I know is this: by first looking for the feeling of love and gentleness and then using it along (in English) seemed best suited to carry its emotional import I was able to work through all four brahmaviharas in a way that both brighten my mind and has left a wholesome imprint upon the stream of consciousness even now.

May we all awaken to our lives with mindfulness and clear comprehension of all that we do.

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Karuna, Metta, Mudita, Theravada, Upekkha | Tags: brahmaviharas, heedfulness, karuna, meditation, metta, mudita, sati, upekkha

Posted by: Michael | 07/25/2013

Sabbe dhamma anatta

I woke up hesitantly this morning and feeling completely sapped of energy. After a week’s hiatus of fasting due to vacation I now find myself again into the full third day and I suspect that the long hours of fasting combined with work have conspired to bring me low. Yet, despite that and my fears that the meditation this morning would prove to be nothing less than a complete disaster there were some moments of calm and true sati in there so all is not yet lost.

That having been said, now that I’m off the cushion and working here in front of the computer, I can’t stop the mind from constantly running to thoughts of food or drink. There’s this and a dull but constant buzzing of what I can only describe as anxiety in my chest, arms and feet. I was prescient enough this morning to begin my day with a Dhamma talk by Ajahn Sucitto which I discovered by searching for the term “worry” (can you see the type of food that this mind enjoys feeding upon?) on http://www.dharmaseed.com. As is usually the case his presentation was poignant and penetrating and I highly recommend it (please find it here: http://www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/9/talk/2730/).

So, inspired by the talk I will experiment today with the perception of anatta today. Who is fasting? Who is worrying? Who is craving?