Posted by: Michael | 02/26/2018

Suprise Yourself

The past week has been pretty rough physically. Twelve hour days full of manual labor didn’t leave much room for anything else and have made me ever more sensitive to the cruelties and kindnesses of others.

I mentioned in a previous post that I wanted to try to use the hardship of moving as a spiritual practice and I think what follows flowed directly from that aspiration. Anyway, without further ado, let me get to the point: it occurred to me that there is no better way to live this life than through the practice of meeting aversion, enmity and misfortune with unexpected kindness and humor.

Someone spits on you, thank them for having brushed their teeth. Someone criticizes you, ask for more detail. You lose your business, take joy in having been relieved of an onerous burden.

No one can “make us” feel anything to which we don’t consent so why pretend that our happiness depends on the words and deeds of others? It is proving to be incredibly refreshing and invigorating to surprise myself and others with unexpected and unwarranted kindness.

Posted by: Michael | 02/23/2018

Training

Today is set to be the third, grueling day of moving in a row and it just occurred to me that, rather than being swept up in the panic and carried away by the crushing physical labor, I can try to get some space and view this as a training opportunity. Can I practice patience with slow moving helpers, trucks sitting needlessly at the leading dock, with my own anxiety over the difficulty of backing a twenty-four foot truck out the length of two football fields?

There are few things that cause me as much stress as moving so why waste this precious opportunity trying to simply get it over with when I can see clearly the world of dukkha? May I make the best of this opportunity to prescribe the paramis and see into the Cattari Ariya Saccani.

Posted by: Michael | 02/21/2018

Anxiety

I have been dreading today for the past week. Why? Because today is the day I get to be the one to rent and drive the large, twenty four foot truck that we’re using to move the business. Why the anxiety? Most simply because it is difficult to maneuver it through Brooklyn without hitting anything. Perhaps, the next layer of it is that I’m afraid of being shown up; of being seen to be incompetent; the kid who was good with books but not much else.

Seeing that I can now ask: so what? Do what if I hit something? Well the world end? Of course I’d prefer not to but it feels more likely that I’ll get into trouble by being overly anxious. It’s like when you’re doing target practice: wherever you look is where the projectile will go. Not surprisingly, I’ve noticed the save thing driving over the narrow bridges into Manhattan – if you worry about the wall abs keep looking at it you will invariably street towards it.

So, having seen the anxiety may I have understanding and compassion in my heart and may I do the best I can.

Posted by: Michael | 02/19/2018

Keeping the Mind Occupied

In so many ways, my intentions are to clear the mind. To simplify. To purify. And yet, for all of my efforts I am still a lay man with rent to pay and a business to run and, when I’m ot heedful, I can get into a whole load of trouble. That’s why, in addition to pursuing the Dhamma I’ve decided to take up a learning and mental fitness routine as well.

You see, I’ve alway been fascinated by languages in the most elemental of ways and spent hours reading about them, inventing my own and trying to learn them. Thanks to technology I’m now able to learn a few more at my leisure. Currently I’m really working on Portuguese (which is a little like cheating) and Chinese. Once I complete the Duolingo course of the former I’ll move onto French. If anyone is interested in joining me there here is my profile: https://www.duolingo.com/Sfimirat

In addition, I’ve also added the goal of reading a book a week, playing a quick game of chess each day and using lumosity once a day. Why? To help keep my mind sharp and occupied so that I can get the hang of this brahmacariya thing. Wish me luck and join me if you feel so inclined.

Posted by: Michael | 02/18/2018

Pretty Things

103 “They are not sense pleasures, the world’s pretty things:

Man’s sensuality is the intention of lust.

The pretty things remain as they are in the world

But the wise remove the desire for them.

a.co/5xLKi2h

Posted by: Michael | 02/16/2018

Perseverance

Yesterday was an uposatha day and I was fortunate enough to have enjoyed favorable conditions so that I was able to observe it moderately well. The one thing I am quite happy about was my commitment to stick with the precepts.

You see, often enough, I end up breaking the precept not to eat after noon, especially on days when I have been running around all day. But, yesterday, in spite of the circumstances I kept to my determination. You see, my partner and I ordered lunch which was to be delivered just before noon.(which is when I have to stop eating). For whatever reason, the delivery guy gave the food to someone else in the building and it wasn’t until 12:30 that it was figured out.

Rather than allow resentment and negativity to swap me or to give in to my hunger I just decided to give my lunch away and carry on with my day. Truly, what is a belly full of rotting food worth in comparison to strengthening one’s aditthana and nekkhamma parami?

Despite things being so apparently bad in my relationship and the world at large, I really am finding refuge and solace in practice and good intentions. May we all practice for our long term happiness and peace.

Posted by: Michael | 02/15/2018

Without

At first it was hard. Hard to understand how to deal with my desires in a marriage where the other party was no longer interested. For a long while I sought answers within the mundane world abs found forums and articles about involuntary celibacy everywhere but all viewed it as a curse and a learning of their lives.

And yet, somewhere in my heart there was a voice that was softly whispering words of encouragement. The way of brahmacariya is both ancient and lauded by saints and contemplatives of many religions. In fact,all of the Lord Buddha’s married lay disciples lived in purity with one another as brother and sister.

I hope to take this fortunate circumstance and use it to propel me ever forward on the path and not to betray my determination even if my wife had a change of heart days, months or years down the road. That is the hard part but what better way to spend this life.

Posted by: Michael | 02/14/2018

Happy Valentine’s Day

The Precious Garland v.148-165

Nagarjuna (150–250 CE)

Lust for a woman mostly comes

From thinking that her body is clean,

But there is nothing clean

In a woman’s body.

The mouth is a vessel filled with foul

Saliva and filth between the teeth,

The nose with fluids, snot and mucus,

The eyes with their own filth and tears.

The body is a vessel filled

With excrement, urine, lungs and liver;

He whose vision is obscured and does not see

A woman thus, and so lusts for her body.

Just as some fools desire

An ornimental pot of filth,

So the ignorant and obscured

And the worldly desire women.

If the world is greatly attached

To the nauseous stinking body

Which should cause loss of attachment,

How can it be lead free from desire?

Just as pigs yearn greatly for

A source of excrement, urine and vomit,

So some lustful ones desire

A source of excrement, urine and vomit.

This filthy city of a body,

With protruding holes for the elements

Is called by stupid beings

An object of pleasure.

Once you have seen for yourself the filth

Of excrement, urine and so forth,

How could you be attracted

To a body so composed?

Why should you lust desirously for this

While recognising it as a filthy form

Produced by a seed whose essence is filth,

A mixture of blood and semen?

He who lies on a filthy mass

Covered by skin moisened with

Those fluids, merely lies

On top of a woman’s bladder.

If whether beautiful or

Ugly, whether old or young,

All the bodies of women are filthy

From what attributes does your lust arise?

Just as it is not fit to desire filth

Although it have good color

and shape in it’s very freshness,

so is it with a woman’s body.

How could the nature of this putrid corpse,

A rotten mass covered outside by skin,

Not be seen when it looks

So very horrible?

‘The skin is not foul,

It is like a cloak.’

Over a mass of filth

How could it be clean?

A pot although beautiful outside

Is reviled when filled with filth.

Why is the body, when so filled

And foul by nature, not reviled?

If against filth you revile,

Why not against this body

Which befouls clean scents,

Garlands, food and drink?

Just as one’s own or others’

Filthiness is reviled,

Why not revile against one’s own

And others’ filthy bodies?

Since your own body is

As filthy as a woman’s,

Should not you abandon

Desire for self and other?

Posted by: Michael | 02/12/2018

Rough Weekend

This weekend was rough. My wife is going through a rough patch with her schooling which means most of the chores, housework, shopping and childcare falls solely on me — this is in addition to being the sole breadwinner for the house and trying to run a business. I keep finding myself resentful and completely exhausted and my 10 year old doesn’t make it any easier with his frequent outbursts which have been turning increasingly physical. In fact, it has gotten to the point that we have contacted a therapist though god only knows when we’ll have the time for a follow-up appointment.

Yes, I could ruminate atlength on how “unfair” these circumstances are and how they “should” be different but what good will that do? I’m at a loss as to how to parent in a skillful way that both corrects the bad behavior of my son without requiring me to engage with him physically. For now I believe my tactic will be to deescalate even at the risk of “missing” a teaching moment or allowing him to “get away” with something. The stakes are simply too high. In the interim I’m hoping we’ll meet with the therapist and that I can find some help in the literature.

Posted by: Michael | 02/09/2018

Chaos

This morning descended into total chaos as mu wife and two oldest children fought, screamed and cried incessantly until we left. I’ve been trying a different approach for a little over a month ahhs have found that when I don’t escalate, when I disengage and accept that I can’t force my kids to bend to my will things go better. My son doesn’t get into long-lasting and explosive rages I see when he feels disrespected and unjustly punished. Unfortunately, my wife sees positive discipline as a cop out (perhaps because in the one who introduced get to our) and is holding fast to our old ways of patenting.

My wife’s style of overbearing and domineering parenting combined with her way of belittling those with whom she’s angry has been getting the results that we don’t want but she seems determined not to anything differently. I’m far from perfect but even though I agree that kids should listen to whatever their parents say and be respectful, it’s clear that trying to enforce that by an iron fist just isn’t working. We don’t live in a time or place where corporal punishment is accepted as its effectiveness is questionable so, really, what’s the end game?

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