There are many “enemies” of mudita, mental tendencies that make it very difficult for us to feel joy for others. The primary obstacles are greed and envy.
Greed is not only our desire to have more than others, but it has the added flavor of insisting on having the exclusive rights to our desirable qualities, to our achievements, and to our possessions. Greed spawns guardedness at best and suspicion at worse as we try to protect the things we have gained and prevent others from having those things. Think Ebenezer Scrooge in “A Christmas Carol.”
Envy is our inability to be happy for someone else’s good fortune. In fact, when envy is present, we can’t even endure others’ happiness. Envy is not only rooted in a deep scarcity mentality, but it is also fueled by not believing in ourselves. It also causes us to dwell endlessly on all the things we don’t have, which further erodes our happiness and could lead to very unskillful behaviors that cause harm.
In her book “Lovingkindness,” Sharon Salzberg highlights a few more tendencies that move us further away from one another including: being judgmental, demeaning others, endlessly comparing ourselves to others, and prejudice.
Many of these tendencies are reinforced by our culture. Not only do we sow our own seeds of discontent when we indulge in these mental impulses, but those around us, especially those in our “tribes,” tend to water those seeds by piling on and reinforcing our views. We see this all over social media. The result is that no matter how much we dig into our camps, we never seem to feel any better. There is always an enemy to fight against, and we never feel secure in ourselves.
https://medium.com/@satiJen/mudita-bhavana-cultivating-happiness-through-the-joy-of-others-dfb7faf19ebc
The Enemies of Joy
The Chief Task
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own . . .”
Epictetus, Discourses, 2.5.4–5
David
The temperatures have been plummeting all week. Two nights ago, I met a homeless man on the corner of 1st and 14th who was out in the freezing rain with a ripped short and the remnants of a hospital gown trailing behind him. I must confess that, when I first saw him I hurried along so as not to be spotted. So much for compassion, huh?
Anyway, as I was willing back from the store I see him again. He asked me for money and I told him that I had none. Then I asked if he needed anything else. He seemed lost so I suggested I buy him a poncho. At this point I believe he stumbled and fell for the first time. He was much larger than me and quite dirty so (failing to be a bodhisattva one more) I couldn’t do much to help him right himself. After he used my leg to brace himself I reason to the store to get the poncho.
When I came back he was with an older gentleman who had called 911. The kind man said that the homeless guy was named David and that he had fallen three times in the five minutes of been away. Not thinking that this might be a bad idea I tried to put the poncho on David. The result was that he fell backward through some newspaper kiosks and into the bike lane.
At this point there was nothing much we could do for him except wait with him until the paramedics came. I still feel guilty for having been such an imperfect helper but there’s not much I can do about it now. I’ve been dedicating my merit to him but that’s about it.
How close are we to being David? David is someone’s son. David may even be someone’s father and husband. Someday soon we may be in his shoes but we live our lives as if we’re somehow immune to the same fortune. I cannot save anyone but, when I see the urge to avoid, to run, may I always turn toward that person reflecting on the fact that I would want to be shown just such concern and kindness.
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Karuna, Theravada, Tibetan Buddhism | Tags: aversion, callous, compassion, homeless
Am I Willing?
Am I willing let the drunk or homeless guy stretch out on the subway bench without passing judgement? Am I willing to give him that small and hidden kindness when I have an office and an apartment to go to? Am I willing to allow him to rest in warmth rather than freeze outside?
I may not understand how to practice tonglen but I can understand what it means to sacrifice a little comfort so that my brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers in aging, sickness and death might have a moment’s respite.
And, if even this is too much to begrudge another, how far am I from awakening?
Posted in Bodhisattvayana, Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Karuna, Lojong, Metta, Theravada, Tibetan Buddhism | Tags: city life, homeless, subway, Tonglen
Happy Uposatha – Ekasanikangam samadhiyami
2.7.1. The One-Sessioner’s Practice (Ekasanikanga dhutanga)
With reference to this practice, the following are noteworthy:
1. The act of eating food at not more than one sitting is called ekasana.
2. A bhikkhu who keeps the one-sessioner’s practice is called ekasanika.
3. The volition that makes the bhikkhu observe this practice is called ekasanikanga
dhutanga.
2.7.2. The Procedure of Observing the One-Sessioner’s Practice
A bhikkhu who decides to observe the one-sessioner’s practice does it with either
one of the expressions: ‘Nanasana bhojanam patikkhipami’ (I refuse to eat food at more
than one sitting); ‘Ekasanikangam samadhiyami’ (I observe the one-sessioner’s practice).
The bhikkhu who observes the one-sessioner’s practice never sits in the seat
reserved for the Elder brethren, but he finds a seat that would be suitable for him. If his
teacher or preceptor arrives in the middle of his meal, then he should stop to stand up and
pay respects to his teacher. The Thera Culabhaya once decided not to resume his meal
after he had paid his respects to his teacher who had arrived while he was eating.
2.7.3. The Three Grades of the Observers of the One-Sessioner’s Practice
There are three grades of bhikkhus on the basis of their observance of the one-
sessioner’s practice.
1. The firm or strict man never picks up more food apart from the food he has laid
his hand on. He should accept more only when his supporters tells him that it is
meant for medicine to cure him.
2. The moderate man should accept more food until he has finished eating all the
food in his alms-bowl.
3. The soft man will accept more food as long as he is sitting although he has
finished his meal.
For all these three grades of bhikkhus, eating at more than one sitting is the main
cause of the breach of the practice.
2.7.4. The Advantages of the One-Sessioner’s Practice
The following are the advantages that the one-sessioner’s practice brings to the
observer: 23
1. The observer is free from sickness.
2. He is free from tiredness.
3. He is light in movements.
4. He is strong.
5. He lives comfortably.
6. He is not prone to committing an offence because he refuses excessive food.
7. He repels the craving for tasty food.
8. He has conduct in harmony with few wishes, and so on.
On this uposatha day may I take up the one sessioner practice and may I keep up the practice except when I am sick or infirm. Ekasanikangam samadhiyami’ (I observe the one-sessioner’s practice).
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Fasting, Theravada, Uposatha | Tags: Ekasanikangam samadhiyami, one sessioner practice
The Seven Vows of Sakka
As long as I live may I support my parents.
As long as I live may I respect the family elders.
As long as I live may I speak gently.
As long as I live may I not speak divisively.
As long as I live may I dwell with a mind devoid of the stain of stinginess, freely generous, open-handed, delighting in relinquishment, devoted to charity, delighting in giving and sharing.
As long as I live may I speak the truth.
As long as I live may I be free from anger, and if anger should arise in me may I dispel it quickly.
Mahanama and the Gods
[6] “Furthermore, you should recollect the devas: ‘There are the Devas of the Four Great Kings, the Devas of the Thirty-three, the Devas of the Hours, the Contented Devas, the devas who delight in creation, the devas who have power over the creations of others, the devas of Brahma’s retinue, the devas beyond them. Whatever conviction they were endowed with that — when falling away from this life — they re-arose there, the same sort of conviction is present in me as well. Whatever virtue they were endowed with that — when falling away from this life — they re-arose there, the same sort of virtue is present in me as well. Whatever learning they were endowed with that — when falling away from this life — they re-arose there, the same sort of learning is present in me as well. Whatever generosity they were endowed with that — when falling away from this life — they re-arose there, the same sort of generosity is present in me as well. Whatever discernment they were endowed with that — when falling away from this life — they re-arose there, the same sort of discernment is present in me as well.’ At any time when a disciple of the noble ones is recollecting the conviction, virtue, learning, generosity, and discernment found both in himself and the devas, his mind is not overcome with passion, not overcome with aversion, not overcome with delusion. His mind heads straight, based on the [qualities of the] devas. And when the mind is headed straight, the disciple of the noble ones gains a sense of the goal, gains a sense of the Dhamma, gains joy connected with the Dhamma. In one who is joyful, rapture arises. In one who is rapturous, the body grows calm. One whose body is calmed experiences ease. In one at ease, the mind becomes concentrated.
“Mahanama, you should develop this recollection of the devas while you are walking, while you are standing, while you are sitting, while you are lying down, while you are busy at work, while you are resting in your home crowded with children.”
Posted in Buddha, Buddha Vacana, Buddhism, Devata, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: deities, devanussati, gods
Adrift
I’m adrift again. Although I have managed to keep up my mediation practice I am feeling disconnected from the Dhamma and almost hopeless. Strange, but I feel that the sudden detente I am experiencing with my wife has sapped much of the strength of my practice.
It is almost as if I was using the energy of aversion as fuel. No wonder it was so exhausting. Maybe I can work my way back to a more intense practice without using aversion to propel me. Of course, this too is uncertain but it’s worth a shot.
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Family Life, Theravada | Tags: daily life, lack of energy, motivation
Boundaries and Possibilities
I am beginning to see that, regardless of how much I want to turn every aspect of my life into parami practice, there are just some places where I’m not yet ready to go and things I’m not yet able to do. In particular, I’m not able to continue sacrificing my own wellbeing for a person who gives nothing back to me. In other words, I’m not going to continuously subject myself to another person’s schedule and demands at the detriment of my own long term benefit.
No, I’m not talking about taking weekend cruises up the Hudson or flights to Cali for long weekends. I’m talking about taking every few weekends for retreat. It is clear that my wife has no intention of ever returning to our marriage (a point I should have realized long ago) so why am I sacrificing all of my time so she can study? Just as she cannot bear to show affection or touch me I cannot bear the uncertainty and amorphous nature of our relationship. So, I let her know that there are certain things I just won’t do with her anymore (family trips, vacations, etc) and that there will be other boundaries to come so they I don’t get confused and can learn to disentangle myself from my affection for her.
It surprised me how much and how deeply being rebuffed stung but it is what I needed to bring it home. This is where it is at. I resolved not to be cruel or punish her last night but it was a pitched battle with my kilesas. At least I know what is right even if I’m not always able to do it.
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Dukkha, Family Life, Sensual Desire, Theravada | Tags: boundaries, divorce, separation
Dana Paramita and Tonglen
Here is a verse that is part of my Daily Practice Book and is taken from Arya Shantideva:
I shall give away fully with no sense of loss
My body, enjoyments and all merits of the three times
To accomplish the work for all sentient beings.
Experimenting and practicing with tonglen, I have found that I’m not enough of a bodhisattva to really benefit myself or anyone else from the practice. I yet lack insight into anatta and really do think there is a me who should be suffering when I seek to take on the sufferings of other beings. As an experiment, I have attempted to do tonglen while standing in a freezing cold shower and the idea of adding more suffering of the same kind onto that situation had me jumping out of the stream of water in seconds. However, when I focused on sending metta and karuna instead of imagined taking on others’ suffering I was able to stay in the shower for much longer.
It kind of bears out the point of the book Against Empathy I read some time ago (or listened to) and goes to the point that I can yet pursue this path but need to constantly be evaluating the practices that I am undertaking and their effects. So, rather than taking on suffering, maybe I should focus on giving. There’s enough there to satisfy renunciate tendencies without weakening me through unnecessary suffering (no sch thing as redemptive suffering in the Dhamma).
Posted in Anatta, Bodhisattvayana, Buddha, Buddhism, Dana, Karuna, Lojong, Metta, Theravada, Tibetan Buddhism | Tags: giving, shantideva, suffering, Tonglen
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