Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 05/17/2019

Emergency Metta Practice

It should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog or, perhaps, anyone born into this human realm, that I’ve found myself embroiled in yet another bitter argument. Well, it’s honestly a lot more asymmetrical but I still have to deal with the ill-will it’s bringing up inside.

Regardless, suffice it to say that there is now a person who I would rather avoid and who definitely doesn’t elicit warm and fuzzy feelings. As a result I’m doing everything I can to pacify my heart and clear away any hatred and resentment. The first step in doing so send to me to be nothing short of emergency metta practice.

Using my trusty mala I do a round for the person who had angered me and then switch to someone it’s easy to feel metta for. Rinse and repeat. Clearly it’s not ideal but, to extend the metaphor, formal meditation would be like undergoing surgery in the hospital whereas this type of practice is akin to triage in the field. May I bandage my heart with skill ands may the medicine of metta heal these wounds.

Leave a Comment

Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Metta, Theravada | Tags: anger, arguments, marriage, resentment

Posted by: Michael | 05/15/2019

Second Guessing

I keep finding myself second guessing things I want to say or write and that may very well be a good thing. Now that I’ve returned to using Facebook i have made the determination not to demean or fight with anyone. Guarding myself from harsh speech means that I now often wrote a reply only to back up and delete it. In fact, I find myself asking why I feel a need to reply or post something at all. Again, this is a good thing.

What I’m really seeing is that, mossy of the things we think and say are unnecessary and based on a house of cards that we ourselves haven’t even taken the time to stack.

May I be ever circumspect in my speech and mindful of its effects.

Leave a Comment

Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Sammā Vācā, Theravada | Tags: circumspect, right speech

Posted by: Michael | 05/14/2019

Training Desire

I’ve been reading a lot of the Stoics and interacting with some groups and well-known authors of neo-Stoicism online of late. I’m continually impressed by how these teachings can improve character and it shows in the way these teachers and students of Stoicism comport themselves. And yet there is this sense that Stoic philosophy doesn’t go fast enough; it is as if it is missing something and I think I may have found part of the issue.

According to Massimo Pigliucci, desire can be trained and channeled, as it were, to desire only what is with our control. This proposition is attractive and, at least initially, seems to share some common ground with the Dhamma. But, upon closer examination, it seems to me that the whole idea of taming desire is where we go of the rails.

I need to look into this more but I think the issue is that, as long as we identify with the desire and have no insight into anatta, we really don’t have the space to see clearly and act from wisdom. We may still obtain the same apparent result but the moment our will power fails or we find ourselves reborn into new circumstances, there’s no guarantee that we won’t backslide.

Perhaps it’s this: with magga (path) there can be no phala (fruits) and we cannot break through and see anicca, dukkha and anatta four ourselves. Everything in Stoicism relies on discursive reasoning and will power but its cosmology and metaphysics don’t allow for anything more.

Clearly this deserves much more thought and I’m fleshing this out as I ride on the train but I expect to look into the texts more deeply for answers.

Leave a Comment

Posted in Anatta, Anicca, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Dukkha, Stoicism, Theravada | Tags: suffering, virtue, will-power

Posted by: Michael | 05/13/2019

Strange Fast

Today has been strange. All day I’ve felt off, as if I’ve done something wrong and I’m feeling guilty for it. Perhaps it’s a spiritual hangover from yesterday when I didn’t fast all day for the uposatha? All I do know is that fasting for Ramadhan had left my faculties weakened and confused. So why do it?

Although initially my reasons had more to do with familial piety, the fast has become largely about purposely working with hardship and practicing renunciation. Plus, all fasting sends to have a hormetic effect so it’s good for my health too.

What that means is just that I’ll need to keep watching the weirdness add it arises and passes away. May I use every experience to practice the Dhamma and cultivate the skills of release.

Leave a Comment

Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Fasting, Islam, Theravada, Tibetan Buddhism | Tags: Ramadhan, strange, weird

Posted by: Michael | 05/12/2019

Happy Uposatha – What is a Gift?

I’m now on the receiving end of the blame for having stood my ground. I could get angry but that really won’t help. Expecting my wife’s family to side with anyone but her is foolish and, really, when it comes down to it, I want to be free of siding period. So, I am wrong. So be it.

Right before I wrote this post I was on my way out to pick up a flower and a card for my wife to let her know I think she’s a good mother regardless of what else transpires between us. Then I got a text from my mother-in-aw telling me to be kind and asking why I didn’t send a text to my wife wishing her a Happy Mother’s Day. Funny how these things go, isn’t it?

Anyway, I was originally going to write about giving regardless of how the gift is received. I can almost guarantee that the flower and card won’t be read and thrown in immediately in the trash, so, why even give it? I suppose for myself. To make real and manifest the fact that my current opinion of her as a partner doesn’t mean she’s still not wonderful in a dozen other ways. Regardless, the flower will eventually die and the paper crumple so why not use them both in the service of kindness?

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you!

3 Comments

Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Theravada, Uposatha | Tags: giving, mother's day, mother-in-law

Posted by: Michael | 05/11/2019

Fetters

This hurts. It hurts that I had to put my foot down and not go to break fast with my kids because my wife is so angry and filed with hate for me that she ripped the cornet I was playing for my two year old out of my mouth, cuttibg my finger on a tuning slide in the process. It hurts that I can’t be with them tonight but I needed both space and a way to make her understand that this was not acceptable. At this point I doubt that symbolic gestures mean much of anything but that’s really not the point I guess.

When it comes down to it, I have to do the hard work of sitting with these feelings and this hurt. In all likelihood, as things continue to deteriorate, I’ll be finding myself in this place more and more often. Alone. Missing my kids.

These are just some of the fetters that Lord Buddha spoke of and, if I recall correctly, these are the easiest to cut. Not having the parami of Lord Buddha, however, these are more than enough for yours truly.

Leave a Comment

Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Family Life, Fasting, Theravada | Tags: children, divorce, marriage, suffering

Posted by: Michael | 05/11/2019

Parking Practice

I was reminded again yesterday just how difficult the real practice of taking and giving can be. When we’re sitting comfortably on our cushion, imagining taking on the suffering of others it can be hard at times but it is truly nothing compared to the actual practice of voluntarily taking on the suffering of others.

Last night, I had the chance to exchange my comfort for the irritation and stress of someone else and I’m happy to report that I did it without hesitation. Still, it was instructive to watch my mind hem and haw as I was undertaking this odious task (trying to find parking in the East Village at 8 pm on a Friday night). I realized that this is quite literally where the rubber meets the road: if I don’t offer myself up and exchange my ease for the suffering of another then all of my meditation on the cushion is little more than daydreaming. And, as I lopped around and around my neighborhood I tried to engender the wish that those in the cars ahead of me find parking before me simply because I could see how much aversion and acquisitiveness there was stewing in my heart.

Most likely, the pursuit of parking spaces isn’t going to be such a stress-inducing monster for others but the point is to work with what we’ve got. For me, it has been one of the greatest stressors so it is the perfect field for practice. May we all put our difficulties to good use and grow towards love and compassion.

Leave a Comment

Posted in Bodhisattvayana, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Karuna, Parami, Theravada, Tibetan Buddhism | Tags: taking and giving, Tonglen, transforming difficulties

Posted by: Michael | 05/09/2019

Mistaken

If my reaction to someone is anything other than kindness and love, aren’t I mistaking my own defilements for the perception of that person?

Leave a Comment

Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Karuna, Metta, Theravada, Tibetan Buddhism | Tags: criticism, ill-will, judgement

Posted by: Michael | 05/09/2019

Into the Fray: Learning to Love Your Trolls

I have recently been invited to participate in Quora’s Partner Program which entails creating a set number of questions on a daily basis on the platform. I have found that I’m interacting again with a number of Trump supporters, self-identifying conservatives and Evangelical Christians — people with whom I normally don’t rub elbows in real life.

I have to admit, I don’t often agree with the content or presentation of the views espoused especially because they can be so harsh and seemingly lacking compassion but, since I claim to aspire to unconditional love and sympathy for all beings how can I abandon even these people? I gave up Facebook in any real sense because I found myself arguing with people who were advancing what I viewed as dangerous and misinformed social and political programs and I feel that it was necessary to do so but perhaps I’m ready now to step back into the fray.

What, exactly, does that mean? I don’t really know if I will reactivate my Facebook but I do want to try to put myself in situations where my mettle is tested. I want to learn to see that, regardless of how angry or bitter a person seems, they just want to be happy and don’t want to suffer. I want to be able to hear them with a heart of sympathy and compassion and wish them the best notwithstanding what they wish for me. And it seems that the super-polarized atmosphere of most social platforms is the perfect laboratory for that. Maybe I’m wrong and maybe I’m being naive but there’s nowhere else I can go to trigger such strong feelings of indignation and ill-will so why not start here?

Leave a Comment

Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Karuna, Metta, Theravada, Tibetan Buddhism | Tags: conservatives, Evangelical Christians, Quora, Social Media, trolls, trump

Posted by: Michael | 05/08/2019

Ramadhan Mubarak – Nekkhamma

Related image

I’ll make a trade:
aging for the Ageless,
burning for the Unbound:
the highest peace,
the unexcelled rest
from the yoke.

— Thag 1.32

The practice of fasting is the practice of renunciation and, during Ramadhan, Muslims are asked not only to fast from food and drink during the daylight hours but from all of the attachments that burn is so badly: sexual pleasure, harsh speech and a hate-filled mind. And although observant Muslims are meant to keep their mind on Allah throughout, there is much that a Buddhist can learn from the practice otherwise (unless of course you decide to practice devanussati and then you, too, will be doing an almost identical practice).

As I fast for Ramadhan, may I purify my thoughts, speech and deeds. May I watch my mind and practice nekkhamma parami with my Muslim brothers and sisters throughout the world.

Leave a Comment

Posted in Buddha, Buddha Vacana, Buddhism, Devata, Dhamma, Fasting, Islam, Theravada | Tags: loving-kindness, Ramadhan, renunciation