Cattāri Brahmavihārā

This hurts. It hurts that I had to put my foot down and not go to break fast with my kids because my wife is so angry and filed with hate for me that she ripped the cornet I was playing for my two year old out of my mouth, cuttibg my finger on a tuning slide in the process. It hurts that I can’t be with them tonight but I needed both space and a way to make her understand that this was not acceptable. At this point I doubt that symbolic gestures mean much of anything but that’s really not the point I guess.

When it comes down to it, I have to do the hard work of sitting with these feelings and this hurt. In all likelihood, as things continue to deteriorate, I’ll be finding myself in this place more and more often. Alone. Missing my kids.

These are just some of the fetters that Lord Buddha spoke of and, if I recall correctly, these are the easiest to cut. Not having the parami of Lord Buddha, however, these are more than enough for yours truly.