419 “The person, O king, who is poor,
Lacking in faith, stingy,
Niggardly, with bad intentions,
Wrong in views, disrespectful,
420 Who abuses and reviles ascetics,
Brahmins, and other mendicants;
A nihilist, a scoffer, who hinders
Another giving food to beggars:
421 When such a person dies, O king,
He goes, lord of the people,
To the terrible hell,
Heading from darkness to darkness.
Samyutta Nikaya
When someone is making a point of giving me the silent treatment I have almost always used it as an excuse to inflame my own anger and pride. Why has it never occurred to me to enjoy the silence?
When all I have been secretly desiring is an end to criticism and complaint, why do I insist on being unhappy when my wishes come true? Perhaps I’m afraid of what will happen when we do speak but bottling resentment in the meantime will only make such a conversation worse.
I can choose to be happy and contented, enjoying the respite and relative calm. May we both be happy and peaceful.
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Family Life, Theravada | Tags: divorce, marriage, silent treatment
Whenever I find myself enjoying the fruits of good kamma I am immediately concerned primarily because the mind inevitably becomes haughty. The only real remedy I have found thus far is to do tonglen for those with whom I’m comparing myself and offer the goodness I’m experiencing to them. Yes, it had no tangible impact on others’ material circumstance but it did transform my attitude from one of pride and egotism to one of fellow-feeling and sympathy.
I am blessed to have found the Dhamma and to have made much merit. May I dedicate it to the good of all.
It’s an interesting conundrum: how does one successfully balance brahmacariya with the brahmaviharas? This morning, as I was trying to cultivate mudita for a female I know I realized that I could no longer do so and keep my composure. There was a definite attraction there that I might not have noticed before but the craving become so obvious that I needed to switch gears. It’s clear now why inadvisable to try to cultivate metta for the opposite sex.
I think, however, this points to a larger issue in my practice: how do I resist the urge to shut down and close in while practicing brahmacariya and still be able to practice the brahmaviharas?
Posted in brahmacariya, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Karuna, Metta, Mudita, Theravada | Tags: brahmavihara, celibacy
What to do when someone else’s foolishness causes them to get hurt and they blame it on you? Whereas I have been willing to apologize in these cases before to keep the peace I am not so inclined at this point. Why discuss? Why plead my case when it’s clear that the person who is aggrieved can’t see beyond their victimhood? If you try to lock me out and are surprised at my attempt to open the door as you slide the chain to, who can you blame but yourself when you hurt your finger? In this case, it seems to be me.
I feel that to ask forgiveness in this case is only to justify and encourage more foolishness. So, rather than give it any more thought I’m going to let it go as there will be no resolution.
Posted in Daily Practice, Dhamma, Family Life | Tags: argument, Blame
When you simply ride with your impulses, you don’t understand their force. They’re like the currents below the surface of a river: only if you try to build a dam across the river will you detect those currents and appreciate how strong they are.
-Thanissaro Bhikkhu
Yesterday was difficult: I was too weak to maintain restraint with the eyes and the mind kept running to play with sexual imagery. Fortunately, I got some good advice from a spiritual friend in a brahmacariya group of which I’m a member that worked well for me despite being based on Vedic and Hindu Chakra teachings. At this point in desperate enough to take whatever help I can get regardless of source. And, who’s to say that many of these teachings aren’t effective for a variety of other ends even if they fall short of the goal of total liberation?
So, using a breath and yogic exercise has helped to deal with sudden attacks of luau and I intend to take up yogic dietary guidelines to assist in overcoming sexual desire. No onions, garlic or chilis as silly as that may sound. We shall see how well it works.
The funny thing is that there is a voice that keeps speaking its disbelief in my head. It’s as if there is a part of me which refuses to believe that celibacy is possible or even good. I have never really looked at it before I suppose but it is strange to be sure. Perhaps I’m holding back due being married and the idea that I may need to enter into relations with my wife to keep the peace at some point although that doesn’t look likely. Until then I hope to commit myself entirely to this practice.
Posted in brahmacariya, Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Family Life, Sensual Desire, Theravada | Tags: celibacy, chastity, continence
So I’ve decided that the only real course of action left to me is to pursue brahmacariya. Even if my marriage want bereft of sexual intimacy I don’t see how it would help me asking the path to indulge in such things and, without it, there’s simply no good exist for it. I have tried and failed many times before but I hope that I can build on past failures.
There’s just no more noble or clean way to live and I can feel the difference when I’m practicing. I’m reminding myself that every attractive woman I see has intestines full of feces and a stomach full of bike and gorge. It may not be enough to eradicate lust but it helps to counter it and change the subject. Wish me luck.
Posted in brahmacariya, Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Nekkhama, Sensual Desire, Theravada | Tags: celibacy, chastity, no fap
Dhammapada Verses 283 and 284
Pancamahallakabhikkhu Vatthu
Vanam chindatha ma rukkham
vanato jayate bhayam
chetva vananca vanathanca
nibbana hotha bhikkhavo.
Yava hi vanatho na chijjati
anumattopi narassa narisu
patibaddhamanova tava so
vaccho khirapakova matari.
Verse 283: O bhikkhus, cut down the forest of craving, not the real tree; the forest of craving breeds danger (of rebirth). Cut down the forest of craving as well as its undergrowth and be free from craving.
Verse 284: So long as craving of man for woman is not cut down and the slightest trace of it remains, so long is his mind in bondage as the calf is bound to its mother.
Posted in brahmacariya, Buddha, Buddha Vacana, Buddhism, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: Dhammapada
I have been feeling that my spouse’s criticism, contempt and negativity have taken to all new heights and I just haven’t been up to the task of dealing with it. Some part of me must believe it for it to hurt so badly and, what I think is making it all worse, is the fact that I believe I should be able to take it and that it’s my duty to remain open. In desperation I began looking online to find ways to handle contempt and criticism and ran across the following:
2. Require an attitude of mutual respect as a foundation for any discussion. In a court of law, the procedural rules must be followed before the merits of the case can be heard. In relationship, the procedural rules require that both sides listen to the other person’s feelings and opinions respectfully. If the other person persists in showing contempt, suggest having a discussion in the presence of a counselor or mediator.
https://www.sowhatireallymeant.com/articles/conflict/criticism-and-contempt/
It seem so simple but this is going to be my new approach. Unless there is an attitude of mutual respect, there will be no discussion. It’s hard enough dealing with a person day in and day out who shows nothing but resentment and anger but its cruel and gratuitous to insist that I remain open to insult.
Improving Lives through Generosity
A hub for the music, culture, knowledge, and practice of Irish stick-fighting, past and present.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 