Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 11/06/2019

Unruffled

I spent some time yesterday looking for Dhamma passages on being imperturbable and unruffled in the face of the vicissitudes but, as one would expect, Lord Buddha goes straight for the liberated mind every time. This isn’t a complaint, however. It’s simply a realization that the Blessed One taught with one goal in mind.

At present, being so far from the goal, I am looking for something that is more provisionally useful and has to do with one’s interpersonal behavior rather than one’s insights into phenomena.

What I’ve come up with it’s this: regardless of the situation, the wisest course is to behave as if all things are proceeding in the best possible way. When someone insults you, continue treating them with the same kindness and concern as before. When you, yourself fail in a moment of weakness, pick yourself back up as soon as possible and proceed as if nothing happened. That is, take a benevolent and charitable view if yourself while returning tour noise to the grindstone of self discipline.

My wife wants a divorce: so be it but that won’t prevent me from saying good morning or making her coffee. It seems the best revenge for hatred is to refuse to drink the bilious poison and to simply proceed, as best as one is able, apace as if nothing else had changed.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Family Life, Stoicism, Theravada | Tags: calm, imperturbable, unruffled

Posted by: Michael | 11/03/2019

Heedfulness

I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings. I was walking up Lafayette, talking to my mother after having stopped by the bank to get cash for a down payment for my acceptance into an invite only program at my dojo. Suddenly I feel the air exit my mouth as I’m slammed in the back by something. At the same time I hear someone screaming something unintelligible. My phone is knocked out of my hands and I whip around to assailant backing up and muttering something. I approach and try to make some hits on him before I realize what’s going on and begin to back up as he does likewise. I scream some profanities at him calling him a crazy person and finally turn around to retrieve my phone.

Luckily there were some tourists there who pointed out where it was and were helpful, if not concerned for their own safety. So, how did I do? In my own estimation I failed on both counts. I was not alert of my surroundings and I failed to defend myself. Furthermore, I reacted in anger when it happened rather than with the humor of Socrates when he had his ears boxed suddenly and lamented that one never knew whether to leave one’s house with a helmet on.

Really, it all boils down to a failure of awareness. I failed to be aware and I paid the price. It is strange as I believe I’ve given to the homeless man who attacked me so I am inclined to believe that a maraputta or other being was involved. I imagine that a being who could see my anxiety about carrying this large amount of money briefly overpowered this man’s mind to mess with me.

All in all it was a strange but instructive incident. More than anything it has taught me to be alert and not to use electronics or my phone in public. It is dangerous out there and I need to rouse as much mettā and heedfulness as possible.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: alertness, Awareness, heedfulness

Posted by: Michael | 11/02/2019

Hard to Know

It can be hard to know, hard to remember the truth when someone constantly calls you a liar. But, leaving side the truth or falsity of their claim, how should one proceed when it’s clear that there’s B.O. mutual regard? It seems to me that this is a case that requires clear boundaries. I have no control over how another chooses to treat me or regard me but I can set my rules of engagement. As a betting among infinite others, I am no more or less worthy of kindness or cruelty. As a beginner on the path, am I not seeking to minimize harm and bring succor to all and sundry? Why let another create bad kamma for themself while causing me discomfort?

And that’s precisely the turn of perception I need to work through this knot: it is not solely selfish to set clear boundaries and refuse abuse – it is also a charity to the would-be wrongdoer. May we all be free from suffering.

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Posted in Bodhisattvayana, Buddha, Dhamma, Dukkha, Family Life, Karuna, Theravada, Tibetan Buddhism | Tags: abuse, boundary

Posted by: Michael | 11/01/2019

Discipline

I’ve been coming up short lately in terms of discipline. I’ve been able to meet the bare minimum in terms of the goals I’ve set for myself and have decided to completely disentangle myself from two commitments I had made. One lesson that I need to learn is simply that I can’t do everything I’d like.

What has been holding me back? Perhaps it was a change of plans or a modification of my routine but really it comes down to my desire to be comfortable, to take the easy way out. Come hell or high water I need to follow through with my commitments, motivation be damned.

The practice of aditthana parami can at times seem so arbitrary, especially when it gets tough, but the faculty of persistence is something I need to work in before this life runs out.

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Posted in Aditthana, Bodhisattvayana, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Parami, Theravada | Tags: commitments, dedication, Perseverance

Posted by: Michael | 10/29/2019

Everyday Apocalypse

“If, lord, such a great peril should arise, such a terrible destruction of human life — the human state being so hard to obtain — what else should be done but Dhamma-conduct, right conduct, skillful deeds, meritorious deeds?”

Everyday has the potential to be our own personal apocalypse. Whether we die with millions or alone in a hole, death awaits us like a relentless hunter after its prey. How are we preparing to meet it?

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Posted in Buddha, Buddha Vacana, Buddhism, Dhamma, Maranasati, Theravada | Tags: death, King Pasenadi

Posted by: Michael | 10/27/2019

Being Hard to Insult

“For what does the man who accepts insult do that is wrong? It is the doer of wrong who puts themselves to shame-the sensible man wouldn’t go to the law, since he wouldn’t even consider that he had been insulted! Besides, to be annoyed or angered about such things would be petty-instead easily and silently bear what has happened, since this is appropriate for those whose purpose is to be noble-minded.”

Musonius Rufus, Musonius Rufus on How to live

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Posted in Dhamma, Stoicism | Tags: insults, Musonious Rufus

Posted by: Michael | 10/26/2019

Contentment

“Therefore, monks, you should train yourselves thus: We will be content with whatever robe,… alms… lodging… medicines… we may get… We will enjoy the use of these things without clinging or foolish attachment, not committing any offense, aware of the danger and wisely avoiding it.”

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn16/sn16.001.wlsh.html

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Posted in Buddha, Buddha Vacana, Buddhism, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: contentment

Posted by: Michael | 10/23/2019

Dogged

I’ve been dogged lately by a persistent feeling that I’m not doing enough to help others or to pursue the Path. In so many ways I feel as if I’m just doing the bare minimum to survive and provide for those who depend on me. Paradoxically, I don’t feel like I have much time to do anything more. In fact, I believe I’m going to give up on trying to complete Crisis Counselor training simply because I can’t seem to make time for it. Between my hour long morning meditation and my conditioning regimen I only have time left to prepare the kids and take them to school in the morning. There’s no time for anything else.

These thoughts have been disturbing me so much that they have even begun to intrude during my meditation. And, on this case at least, that may not have been such a bad thing. As I say there I realized that one thing I could do to make my life more useful in every given minute would be to radiate mettā actively or at least regard all beings with it when otherwise engaged. Whereas before I was most often practicing tonglen in the moment, I have taken Ajahn Achalo’s advice and switched to mettā as I have yet the wisdom or tranquility to practice such a demanding discipline without harming myself and others.

We shall see if mettā helps assuage these feelings of inadequacy but at least I can take comfort that my time is being well-spent.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Karuna, Metta, Theravada, Tibetan Buddhism | Tags: ajahn achalo, Tonglen

Posted by: Michael | 10/20/2019

Necessary Cruelty?

I have been giving a lot of thought about how to act in my present situation. It seems that my wife is determined to divorce despite all of the reasons we shouldn’t. As a result, I’m trying to feel my way out.

I’ve promised her half of everything in the accounts and almost all of our belongings. In addition, I told her to come up with an agreement laying out the distribution of assets and the schedule for shared custody.

I haven’t been cruel or spoken harshly and am doing my best not to but it has come to a point where I feel her expectations are out of line with reality. In other words, she still expects to be treated sweetly and with the utmost deference when she has never given me such care and after having decided to abandon the marriage. For me, this is a bridge too far.

Here is a text I will send her since I can’t talk to her without her beginning to scream.

I just want to clarify something: this morning when you came home I didn’t say anything to you for a reason. Now that you’ve chosen this path of divorce I need to break the ties of affection as they’re no longer useful and keep me bound to a pattern of behavior which no longer has a referent. I do find it interesting, however, that you would take offense to a behavior that you have, yourself, undertaken for years. Can you remember the last time you greeted me (let alone warmly) when I returned home from work? I can’t but I can see I’m my mind’s eye the countless times I received a sour reception.

Regardless, I’m going to be much more distant not out of cruelty but to retrain myself: you see, I haven’t fallen out of love with you so I need to fake the distance that your disdain and contempt for me naturally create. I hope that gives you some context.

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Posted in Daily Practice, Dhamma, Family Life | Tags: divorce, separation

Posted by: Michael | 10/19/2019

Factors of Breaking a Precept

I woke up feeling ill and unwell and suspect it has to do with my having formulated an intention yesterday that came close to breaking a precept. As a result, I wanted to get some clarity on how a precept is actually broken. I found the following and thought it might be of interest:

Briefly, how many ways are there of breaking the eight Uposatha precepts?There are two ways: by body and by speech.

In all of the eight, if one breaks a precept, then it is done bodily. If one orders another to do so, then the precept is broken through speech. This (speech) must be accompanied by intention before the precept is broken, but this is true for the first and second precepts only; for the third to the eighth precept, even if one asks another to do so, one does not break the precept.

Breaking a precept through one’s own effort is known as sahatthikapayoga. The ordering of another to behave in a way that breaks a precept is called anattikapayoga.

Thus one who is careful and does not stray from the precepts is known as a virtuous person. The wise say that sila, or keeping precepts, is an instrument by which body and speech can be purified. It is a way to vanquish the coarse defilements which appear through body and speech.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/nanavara/uposatha.html

In terms of specific breaches of precepts I was able to find the following:

https://www.bhantedhammika.net/good-question-good-answer/4-the-five-precepts

http://sdhammika.blogspot.com/2008/08/third-precept.html

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Sensual Desire, Sila, Theravada | Tags: Bhante Dhammika, Immoral, precepts