Turning Inward With PatienceAjahn Jotipālo • July 2013
I have been listening to a few of Bhikkhu Bodhi’s talks on mettā, loving-kindness. He explained that in many practice situations, mettā can often be used with an external, outgoing energy and making a genuine wish for other people to be happy. However, there is also an internal response that can occur for us when we express mettā in this way.
I was surprised when Bhikkhu Bodhi mentioned that the word khanti, patience, is very closely related to the word mettā. I hadn’t recognized that before. I have given a few talks on mettā and when I do, I often receive questions from people con- cerned with external circumstances, such as, “It’s so painful to be with this person . . .” or “When I’m in this situation it’s really difficult. How do you deal with that?” Most of the questions are directed toward the practice of loving-kindness as a method for sending mettā outward. But we can also turn in- ward rather than outward. This is where Bhikkhu Bodhi says patience comes in. We can learn to turn toward the pain we feel toward the dukkha we are experiencing in these difficult circumstances and to hold that dukkha with a quality of patience.
Ajahn Sucitto once said that we often think of patience as waiting for change. I will endure this situation, gritting my teeth, until it changes. Certainly we might want a painful situation to change, but with true patience, according to Ajahn Sucitto, it’s
more like thinking, I will be with this situation, period. In other words, there’s no expectation that the situation will change or get better.By learning to turn toward our suffering and simply be with it, we are staying at the level of feeling. We are not getting into the story, the proliferation, or creating a self around it. If someone says something to us and we become angry or feel un- comfortable, instead of going outward, as we typically do with mettā, we can go inward. So when we feel pain in a situation, we can first recognize it. Then we move toward the painful feeling and explore it. If we can refrain from getting into the story behind the feeling, it will be that much easier to experience the feeling without wanting to change it. It’s merely a physical sensation or a mental perception, and we do not need to add anything to it or try to make it go away. When we stay with a painful feeling in this way, we are experiencing khanti, true patience.
Mettā and Patience
Thirst for Pleasant Feelings
“…see how much of our lives are dominated by vedanā, feelings, how much they constrict our conduct.
How many times do we turn away from wholesome, noble, beautiful actions simply because we fear the dukkha-vedanā, the unpleasant feelings, that we might have to encounter while performing those actions?
How often do we perform actions which we know in our heart of hearts are going to lead to pain – actions that are foolish, are trivial, are ignoble – merely because of the thirst for the pleasant feelings that will arise in performing them?
How often do we betray our own ideals simply through the weakness that manifests as the love of pleasant feeling and the aversion to and fear of unpleasant feeling?”
Ajahn Jayasaro
https://www.amaravati.org/a-dhamma-article-by-ajahn-jayasaro-letting-go-within-action/
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Dukkha, Taṇhā, Theravada | Tags: Ajahn Jayasaro, pleasant feeling, suffering, vedana
Where Strength Lies – Imam Ali
Sickness and Feeling Sorry
“Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom”― Rumi
Happy Uposatha – Giving
Dhammapada Verse 224
Mahamoggallanapanha Vatthu
Saccam bhane na kujjheyya
dajja appampi yacito
etehi tihi thanehi
gacche devana santike.
Verse 224: One should speak the truth, one should not yield to anger, one should give when asked even if it is only a little. By means of these three, one may go to the world of the devas.
Sometimes I need a reminder that giving is always good and advisable, especially when I feel like I don’t have enough. And, when I take true stock, there has never been a time in this life when I haven’t.
May I always give even when I feel that I have little. May I never allow stinginess to win the day.
Posted in Bodhisattvayana, Buddha, Buddha Vacana, Buddhism, Dana, Dhamma, Theravada, Uposatha | Tags: devas, Dhammapada, giving
Rest
I made a quick search in the Canon this morning and online for sutras that cover the topic of rest and came up with very little. Perhaps it’s because the training of the mind doesn’t require the same kind of rest that the body does or perhaps I’m just looking in the wrong places.
As I think about it, I recall that engaging in mettā or breath awareness (without jhana) can lead to weariness but I will need to look to see if this was Buddhavacana or in a secondary source. Perhaps it’s more of a question of changing one’s kammatthana more so than taking a break from all forms of mental training. Besides, whether it’s body or mind, it seems pretty clear that a state of pure rest can never exist.
What got me thinking about all of this is my daily routine of conditioning. I am realizing that I need to take at least two days off a week and have chosen the weekend to do so. I will probably just up my daily step goals on weekend days but will forego the more rigorous training. Similarly, when the practice is dry I should feel no guilt about finding a more inspiring object.
Posted in Buddha, Buddha Vacana, Buddhism, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: mental culture, physical conditioning, recovery, rest
Desire Keeps Us Bound
Out of Control
My wife’s jobs as a doula and now midwife are such that she is called away with little notice. At most, she has a day advance warning that something is afoot. Unfortunately, or fortunately, one of my biggest challenges is dealing with interruptions to my schedule and, despite my best efforts, I have been able to do little more than stifle my outward reaction. She noticed I was displeased that my day was abruptly uprooted and rearranged and didn’t take it well. Of course there was consternation and screaming.
But, despite knowing how irrational my displeasure was I wasn’t able to feel differently. I told her I didn’t intend to say a word about it but she wanted me to “feel okay” with it too. Even taking full responsibility here doesn’t seem capable of resolving this issue but my dis-ease with a world that operates with sheer disregard for my own schedule is something I need to work on for myself as much as anyone else.
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Family Life, Theravada | Tags: children, marriage, uncertainty, work
Thank You
I want to thank a reader of this blog who shared a book with me yesterday because they thought it might help my marital situation. I immediately found the audiobook on Scribd and began listening at work only to discover later that I had bought it and read a quarter of the way through sometime ago.
So, what is the book? Feeling Good Together by David Burns. I’m unsure why I gave it up before although I suspect it was a combination of factors including the fact that the method it outlines asks you to take complete responsibility for the issues on type relationship. Intuitively, I know this is the only sane approach but it took sitting with my doubts this morning to work it all out.
I realize that I need to constantly reframe our interactions with a view to my contribution to the difficulties. Beyond bare awareness of my wife’s contributions in word or deed I need to constantly refocus upon those things that are under my control at least in part: my thoughts, my feelings, my words and my deeds. At worst, by taking care of these things and ensuring that I do all things on line with the Dhamma, I can at least make peace with life and my wife. At best, by seeking to always take responsibility for the problems and to understand my wife’s perspective, we will be able to heal the relationship.
Thank you my friend and I intend to read and re-read the book and take its advice.
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Family Life, Forgiveness, Theravada | Tags: David Burns, Feeling Good Together, marriage
Stingy Hearted
My hour long morning sessions have been pretty horrible in terms of collecting the mind. The only objects that seem to work for any length of time are the brahmaviharas and death recollection. So, I cycle through Buddho, brahmaviharas and maranasati again and again.
One thing that struck me this morning was how resistant the mind is to mudita. People for whom I have no problem mettā yet present real difficulties for appreciative joy practice. Clearly this is a problem in my own mind and has little to do with them. In fact, I could almost hear the plaintive cries of my ego lamenting about how unfair it is for another to have blessings that I don’t. It is a meanness and stinginess off heart that surprised me.
I figure the only way to do anything Scott it is to work with it so I hope to regularly do so during morning practice.
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Maranasati, Metta, Mudita, Theravada | Tags: avarice, meanness, stingy
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