Cattāri Brahmavihārā

I want to thank a reader of this blog who shared a book with me yesterday because they thought it might help my marital situation. I immediately found the audiobook on Scribd and began listening at work only to discover later that I had bought it and read a quarter of the way through sometime ago.

So, what is the book? Feeling Good Together by David Burns. I’m unsure why I gave it up before although I suspect it was a combination of factors including the fact that the method it outlines asks you to take complete responsibility for the issues on type relationship. Intuitively, I know this is the only sane approach but it took sitting with my doubts this morning to work it all out.

I realize that I need to constantly reframe our interactions with a view to my contribution to the difficulties. Beyond bare awareness of my wife’s contributions in word or deed I need to constantly refocus upon those things that are under my control at least in part: my thoughts, my feelings, my words and my deeds. At worst, by taking care of these things and ensuring that I do all things on line with the Dhamma, I can at least make peace with life and my wife. At best, by seeking to always take responsibility for the problems and to understand my wife’s perspective, we will be able to heal the relationship.

Thank you my friend and I intend to read and re-read the book and take its advice.