One piece of advice that I wished I had applied earlier in my life: Do not respond to insults.
The hard part for me is, after the insult has passed, returning to a kindly and friendly demeanor. And, I guess, this is really the higher training in not responding to insults — it is restraining the internal response as well. It is the silencing of the voices that want to blame, judge, criticize and jostle for moral superiority. But, in the end, it all comes down to this:
Do not respond to insults.
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Family Life, Stoicism, Theravada | Tags: insult pacificsm, insults
I woke up feeling completely off and ruined my chances to observe the uposatha before it really even began. Feeling physically tired and mentally drained, I was not ready for the fighting and screaming I would have to endure later with the one who will not be named. But, that’s exactly what happened. Despite that, I’ve decided that I won’t give into the sickness of revenge and hatred.
I’ve been sent screenshots by text wherein they describe all of the horrible things I do and am to friends and family surely in order to lure me into an angry retort or a defense of myself. However, one thing I have become completely sure of is that it is impossible and worse than useless to try to defend oneself against slander. And let’s say I tried, how would I know I succeeded? I wouldn’t, nor would I ever be able to.
From my own side, it might make sense to assume that I have lifetimes of work ahead of myself and to regard myself as a person with noble aspirations but mediocre morality. And, finally, I am giving p again (and hopefully for good) on any hopes of reconciliation. It seems like I’m dealing with another party who’s acting in bad faith and I’m simply too tired to continue right now.
Despite the fact that I’m prone to collect quotes from a variety of sources, I’m not a permeates perennialist. In other words, I don’t believe that all paths lead to the same destination. What I do believe, however, is that good Dhamma can be found in every system of thought, religion and philosophy. To find it one first needs to be educated in the Dhamma.
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Islam, Sensual Desire, Taṇhā, Theravada | Tags: desire, imam ghazali, patience
I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad if the line is good. -Seneca.
In other words, good Dhamma is everywhere if we know how to look (I’m paraphrasing the Venerable Ajahn Chah here). I have been thinking of the gist of this quote for the past few days but was only successful in tracking it down today. Since it is Ramadhan again, I find myself trying to find gems of Dhamma in the teachings of the prophets and imams of Islam. And, truth be told, there are many if you know where to look. All of which is to say, that you shouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water.
I haven’t had a lot of time to post here of late because we are incredibly fortunate to be really busy at work. Still, everyday I try to find an inspiring Dhamma teaching to frame the day and help me take advantage of this precious life. Yesterday, for the uposatha, I found the above and it has helped me to see my meditation practice in a new light. May it be of benefit to you.
I’ve been incredibly busy while also dealing with the possibility of exposing myself to coronavirus as a result of having to personally manage a team of 15 employees. I haven’t had much time for meditation but still manage to get in something everyday. Without a moment to still my heart and feel what’s happening I would be a complete mess.
So, looking for inspiration, I ended up here, at the first verse of the Dhammapada.
Posted in Buddha, Buddha Vacana, Buddhism, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: Dhammapada, heart
What is nekkhamma but the practice of poverty? Aren’t the uposatha precepts meant to help us reduce our attachment and cultivate a practice that doesn’t feed the kilesas? Staring down the barrel of the greatest global economic crisis since the Great Depression, I’m finding solace in the fact that poverty itself isn’t the burden, rather it’s how we hold it.
Perhaps because the Stoics lived in a society that more closely resembles ours (as they had not gone forth from the household life like the Sangha) and sramanas weren’t really a thing in Roman society (the Greeks had Cynics of course but I don’t recall any such thing in Roman reports), there is a plethora of material dealing with poverty, disrepute and exile. I intend to take up a practice of simplicity in eating and of wants (that is, refusing to satisfy anything but the simplest of desires) during this time to prepare myself for the harder times to come. If not now, when?
The hits keep coming but, strangely enough, I think I’m beginning to feel the sting less and less. I’m also comforted by the thought that, no matter what my partner says to me, i am keeping the family physically safe, emotionally protected and financially sound by not reacting.
Let people think of me what they will. I have no power over their thoughts, words or actions. Let all family and friends believe in a bad husband, a horrible father. As long as I know that I have done my best to provide and protect, to search for truth in criticism, then I am fine with it. And, finding myself disturbed, I am committed to work though it until find evenness of mind and good will for all.
May I be forgiven for the harm I have caused my wife in this life and all others. May I not be the cause of future suffering for her. May she be well, happy and peaceful.
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Family Life, Forgiveness, Theravada | Tags: Blame, compassion, marriage, praise
Today was my wife’s birthday. I don’t speak about her much anymore as there’s not a lot of change to report nor would it be uplifting or inspiring to do so. I have created heavy kamma with her in this life and I must have done the same in past ones as well because I can’t make sense of the hatred that never seems to lessen. Unless I am the least perceptive person ever to have been born (which is, I suppose, a distinct possibility) I can’t fathom how I do anything to deserve the unending scorn of this person.
Today for example I wished her happy birthday on multiple occasions (even when her first words to me were an insult), bought her a birthday cupcake and bagels to make the cake I had ordered an even bigger surprise. No thank you. No gracious acceptance. Instead, she complained that I only thought of myself on her birthday. So, after I had arranged a video call with her family I gave up. I went downstairs and wished her a happy birthday.
And, now, despite quarantine she and my kids have gone to a beach to celebrate. What am I looking for but writing this? I’m not sure but it is much harder to find balance within these four walls than it normally would be. This is my kamma however and to expect otherwise is foolish.
What I have to do is learn to be content with doing my best to practice Right Resolve in every situation. And when Blake or praise come my way I can see them as inconstant and just let go.
Posted in Anicca, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Family Life, Theravada | Tags: birthday, ingratitude, ungrateful
Improving Lives through Generosity
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Cattāri Brahmavihārā 