Posted by: Michael | 01/11/2013

Happy Uposatha – On the Road

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Today is the uposatha and, after working all day myself and the family are in the car driving up to visit family in New Hampshire. As is always the case on observance days like this I find myself wondering about the meaning of holding so hard and fast to the attha-sila when there is little time for study or meditation and when my abstention from eating is more of an inconvenience to those around me. So, what is the point of the uposatha when it can’t be observed correctly?

Well, I don’t really know. I know that on days when I am able to adhere to the precepts both in spirit and by the letter I obtain great benefit. Having taken the precepts this morning I am loathe to break them even out of a sense of obligation to our hosts so I suppose I will wait and see what happens. If, upon our arrival, there is no dinner waiting the choice will be easy. Otherwise we shall see. Either way, Happy Uposatha!

Posted by: Michael | 01/10/2013

Failing at Ecumenicism

For years I have dabbled in the different lineages and traditions of Buddhism and never really thought too much of it. I have always considered myself primarily Theravadin since I first really begin to investigate the tradition whihc is, perhaps, why I was under the impression that I could safely pick and choose bits from the various Mahayana schools. I have even gone to the extent of practicing at some length with these schools whether they be Karma Kagyu, Korean Seon or Soto Zen (I even have a Dharma name from taking precepts with Samu Sunim). Still, no matter what I did I found myself having to try to squeeze my own, Theravadin undersandings into rituals that were developed on the basis of a Mahayana weltanschaung. And, as is to be expected, I believe I’ve suffered for it.

Now, I am not saying that these traditions are useless or lead astray; what I am saying is that I was never able to fully commit the their soteriological programs so I will never know. Dwelling at length on anicca and my mortality I am again feeling a sense of urgency and recognizing that I don’t have all the time in the world to do whatever practices seem interesting at the moment. Yes, I could learn to do kiddo chanting but wouldn’t I rather spend my time memorizing the Dhammacakkappavattana sutta? Why have I been so interested in all of these other traditions? Possibly because I love learning new things but it seems to me that I was hoping to find something a little easier, a little shinier or a little quicker while knowing full well that there was no such thing out there.

Buddham Dhammam Sangham namassami.

Posted by: Michael | 01/09/2013

Maranasati – Recollection of Death

Reclining Buddha, Wat Suthat, Bangkok, Thailand

I have been recollecting death often in the past few das and, for whatever reason, I have been touching into it in a way that I had been unable to do for some time. Maranasati, the recollection of death, is one of classical guardian meditations and is often recommended by the Lord Buddha so, perhaps unsurprisingly, I was immediately drawn to the practice like a moth to flame. Nonetheless, I feel that for a long time my use of the contemplation was lacking in that I was using it as a cudgel. Without realizing it the contemplation became passe and lost its edge, leaving me with the words alone and a dim acknowledgement that, yes, I will die someday. Now that the recollection has regained its teeth I feel like I have an opportunity to enliven my practice but realize I need to handle it gingerly. In many ways I believe that maranasati and asubha contemplations lost their strength due to their overuse and a dwelling in unpleasant perceptions without balancing them out with their counter-points.

For those who are unfamiliar I am including a relevant sutta below:

have heard that at one time the Blessed One was staying at Nadika, in the Brick Hall. There he addressed the monks, “Monks!”

“Yes, lord,” the monks replied.

The Blessed One said, “Mindfulness of death, when developed & pursued, is of great fruit & great benefit. It gains a footing in the Deathless, has the Deathless as its final end. Therefore you should develop mindfulness of death.”

When this was said, a certain monk addressed the Blessed One, “I already develop mindfulness of death.”

“And how do you develop mindfulness of death?”

“I think, ‘O, that I might live for a day & night, that I might attend to the Blessed One’s instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal.’ This is how I develop mindfulness of death.”

Then another monk addressed the Blessed One, “I, too, already develop mindfulness of death.”

“And how do you develop mindfulness of death?”

“I think, ‘O, that I might live for a day, that I might attend to the Blessed One’s instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal.’ This is how I develop mindfulness of death.”

Then another monk addressed the Blessed One, “I, too, develop mindfulness of death.” … “I think, ‘O, that I might live for the interval that it takes to eat a meal, that I might attend to the Blessed One’s instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal.’ …”

Then another monk addressed the Blessed One, “I, too, develop mindfulness of death.” … “I think, ‘O, that I might live for the interval that it takes to swallow having chewed up four morsels of food, that I might attend to the Blessed One’s instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal.’ …”

Then another monk addressed the Blessed One, “I, too, develop mindfulness of death.” … “I think, ‘O, that I might live for the interval that it takes to swallow having chewed up one morsel of food, that I might attend to the Blessed One’s instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal.’ …”

Then another monk addressed the Blessed One, “I, too, develop mindfulness of death.” … “I think, ‘O, that I might live for the interval that it takes to breathe out after breathing in, or to breathe in after breathing out, that I might attend to the Blessed One’s instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal.’ This is how I develop mindfulness of death.”

When this was said, the Blessed One addressed the monks. “Whoever develops mindfulness of death, thinking, ‘O, that I might live for a day & night… for a day… for the interval that it takes to eat a meal… for the interval that it takes to swallow having chewed up four morsels of food, that I might attend to the Blessed One’s instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal’ — they are said to dwell heedlessly. They develop mindfulness of death slowly for the sake of ending the effluents.

“But whoever develops mindfulness of death, thinking, ‘O, that I might live for the interval that it takes to swallow having chewed up one morsel of food… for the interval that it takes to breathe out after breathing in, or to breathe in after breathing out, that I might attend to the Blessed One’s instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal’ — they are said to dwell heedfully. They develop mindfulness of death acutely for the sake of ending the effluents.

“Therefore you should train yourselves: ‘We will dwell heedfully. We will develop mindfulness of death acutely for the sake of ending the effluents.’ That is how you should train yourselves.”

That is what the Blessed One said. Gratified, the monks delighted in the Blessed One’s words.

Source: http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an06/an06.019.than.html

 

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By lightly touching into the reality of the precarious state of our life and its concommitant preciousness may we always remain mindful of the quality of our actions and the intentions that underlie all we think, say and do.

Posted by: Michael | 01/08/2013

An Encomium to the Breath

This morning I was able to find some time during my formal, seated meditation to incline the mind towards a fuller appreciation of the breath. Not only was I able to reflect on the rare blessing it is just to be able to take some time to dedicate to being with one’s breath and whatever arises in that space but I was, for a few precious moments, able to inhabit and enjoy the breath itself. I guess what is most surprising about this to me is that all of this was possible despite interruptions by the wee ones and, when they weren’t physically haranguing me, they’re constant chattering away in the bedroom.

Sadly, now that I have hustled and bustled my way to Brooklyn to drop off my son much of what was so fantastic about the experience has slipped away as if in a dream but even now I can still feel the lightness and have a felt sense of a refuge in the breath.

Last night I was again fortunate enough to be able to recite the Dhammacakkappavattana sutta but used a much faster and less melodic Thai recording. I see now why the Buddha forbade singing of the suttas because I have definitely become attached to the melody of the Dhammaruwan version. Nonetheless, in my case I think it is fine to use a variety of recordings as the two I’ve listened to seemed to highlight different aspects of the sutta for me. May all beings know the bliss of release and enjoy freedom from suffering.

Posted by: Michael | 01/07/2013

The Hidden Jewel

First things first I suppose: the second day of my aditthana went well and despite having to wait until almost 10pm before I could recite the Dhammacakkappavattana sutta I was glad that I was able to do so. I feel like choosing to make this practice part of my evening regiman was a good idea because I actually felt energized after the recitation despite the fact that it was 10:30 when I finished (and I haven’t felt energized let alone awake for as long as I can remember at that hour).

I was also able to make it to the Sunday night sitting and Dhamma talk which was excellent. The theme of the talk was on cultivating a love for the practice and was particularly poignant for me. Despite having let go most every hobby and interet that had no relation to the Dhamma I had not rally considered how I was conceiving of and holding my practice. In many ways, I was simply doing the practice by rote; hoping that, as a friend so aptly described it, I would just get it if I kept plugging away.

It has become ever more clear to me that I have long been lured by the idea of spiritual autopilot where I simply do this or that practice with enough unflinching dedication and the results will come. And, truth be told, this has definitely worked wonders for my seated meditation posture but it has done little for my mind and heart. One of the key differences in the Lord Buddha’s dispensation is precisely that things must be seen for what they are in order for the shackles of samsara to be loosened. There is not much room, in my own limited experience, for devotion-only or faith-alone approaches in the Dhamma-vinaya (which is not to say that I think these can be dispensed with for I find them incredibly important aspects of the path). 

So, how do you view your practice? Do you love doing it? Is it something that nourishes your life and gives you direction or is it an afterthought? These are the types of questions my teacher wants us to reflect upon and for good reason. Without such a timely reminder who knows for how long I could have gone without acknowledging just how much I love the practice. It is as if my teacher pointed out the hidden jewel sewed into the lining of my jacket and I am, as ever, deeply grateful. Bhavatu sabba mangalam!

The Dharmacakra, "Wheel of Dharma", ...

 

I suppose you could call it a form of New Year’s resolution but I quite spontaneously (perhaps impulsively) decide last night to take up the memorization of the Dhammacakkappavattana sutta again. I believe the English title is the Discourse on the Setting in Motion of the Dhamma Wheel and it contains, ass such, the core teachings such as the Four Noble Truths and the Eight-fold Path. If there were one sutta that I ever wanted to memorize in its entirety for fear of being left without a physical or digital copy of the Dhamma this would be it. I have memorized the Metta sutta in English in the past as well as gathas but this will be the first sutta of significant length I will attempt.

 

In essence, I plan to use the Dhammaruwan recording (here: http://www.pirith.org/download/Dhammachakka.mp3)  in conjunction with Ven. Anandajoti’s rendering of the sutta as found in the Vinaya-pitaka and I’ll come back here later to add in the links. I intend to dedicate the half hour required to recite the sutta every evening which would put my evening session at around 45 minutes in total with a fifteen minute metta session. I’ve decided to give myself until the end of the year to memorize it at which point I may choose either the Mahamangala or Karaniya Metta Sutta.

 

Thanks to Ven. Pesala and Ven. Anandajoti for their work and advice. Sukhita hontu!

 

 

 

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Posted by: Michael | 01/05/2013

Happy Uposatha…Maybe

Buddhist monk in Buddhist church on Uposatha D...

Well, we still haven’t gotten the new calendar of uposatha observance days from Wat Metta but according to a few sources today should be the uposatha so I’m observing today. Regardless of how long I’ve been observing I almost always find them a challenge and this is even probably moreso now that we have two little ones in the house. And, it is precisely the issue of parenting well that I have been struggling with in the past few days.

You see my son is going through a phase (at least that’s what I hope it is) where he is bouncing off the walls and seemingly filled with piss and vinegar. Some parents call this a hormonal period where the testosterone is coursing wildly through his veins and it can be a trying time for any one. I, however, feel like I am definitely failing to rise to the occasion and have been reacting violently to his lack of respect or concern for his parents and little sister. Family life is definitely a pressure cooker and I have yet to figure out a way to roll successfully with the punches without being knocked completely off kilter. I suppose the best I can do is try to take cover for a moment or two here in the bathroom or washing a dish and try to access some peace to anchor me and keep me from flying off my handle. My teacher speaks of finding refuge in the breath but I have not, as yet, been able to do so while parenting in the maelstrom.

Anyway, I wish everyone a fruitful observance day and may we use our present circumstances to advance in the Dhamma. Sukhita hontu!

 

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Posted by: Michael | 01/04/2013

Delusion – A Strange and Powerful Master

It’s a cold, winter’s day and I must admit that I didn’t want to get out of bed and start my day long before the sun rose over the highrises and filtered down to my ground floor windows. I was able to to allow myself a second, short sit right before noon (perhaps in the spirit of a birthday gift to myself) and was surprised to find a ball of self-loathing coldly planted in the center of my chest much like it was yesterday. I don’t know why I was surprised but it does astound me that I’ve really never made much of it before.

For years I have perfunctorily begun my metta practice with myself because that’s just the way it’s done. I have always kind of begrudged myself this stage despite repeatedly reaping the benefits of it. Delusion is a strange and powerful master, however, and it was able to keep me in the dark for a long time. What I’m really beginning to see though is that self-loathing is very real and present just below the surface and when I take a moment to look at it I can feel it like a heavy and cold ball of steel dragging my heart and limbs down with it (it may not make sense but that’s how it feels).

Of course I couldn’t just sit there and leave the wound undressed lest it get infected and spread. So, after seeing it for what it was, I moved onto forgiveness and karuna eventually warming my heart until the feeling was almost imperceptible. As a result of this and the fact that I need to address my own aversion to myself I am thinking that I want to add a fifteen minute session that I devote tol metta and karuna for myself. I hope that doing so will allow my heart to open more widely not just to me but to all beings. May we all find true peace in our own hearts.

Posted by: Michael | 01/03/2013

More About Me

So much of my practice of late seems to be about accepting, appreciating and forgiving myself that I’m beginning to wonder if I’m doing it wrong. But, wouldn’t that too be just another manifestation of this self-reproach? It’s funny really to think about just how despicable a person need be to deserve so much loathing and, when I honestly reflect on my words and deeds, I can see that I’m won’t to punish myself overmuch. In truth, even a person who did little to practice the restraint of the panca sila would surely not be desrving of the contempt I lavish upon myself.

And that is the hard part after all: whether it be greed or hate both cloud our vision and make clear seeing impossible. May I learn to see in accord with the Dhamma and with eyes trained and tempered by love and compassion. May I not blindly follow the whims of my heart or mind and may I ever be heedful of my true intentions.

Posted by: Michael | 01/02/2013

Regret and Forgiveness

This morning’s sits were all about what some teachers call purification. During my breath meditation and especially during metta, it was all I could do to remember to keep coming back to the theme as I was continuously being entangled by my memories of the past. Mostly these memories were assemblages of things I had done in the past that I now regret although I can see with the benefit of hindsight that there was also some subtle longing for things long since passed. So what do you do with these things?

Well, according to the Teachings, we really can’t do anything to change the past. At best we can create a present moment that either serves to hasten the fruition of past kamma or to dampen its effects: regardless of what we do, however, we will have to bear the results of our intentional actions. Knowing this we might wonder about the meaning of forgiveness and the utility of regret (at least I know I have often pondered this pair).

With no God to pardon us and save us from ourselves and being unable or unwilling to seek forgiveness from those we have harmed where is there even a place for the idea of forgiveness? Speaking from my own experience, there does seem to be a place for it when we find ourselves assailed by self-reproach and self-hatred. As silly and unbelievable as it can sometimes seem to me, I can’t deny that when I sit and offer myself forgiveness and compassion there can be a real opening and warming of the heart. Very few practices have been as powerful for me so there definitely seems to be something to this stuff.

May I muster the courage to seek forgiveness not only from myself but from all I have harmed. May I seek to undo any harm I have done and endeavor not to repeat it.

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