It’s the update and, as always, I feel as if I could’ve done better. I haven’t broken any of the atthasila but I feel like I should have spent more time contemplating Dhamma. Regardless, today was still a productive day and I was able to will with the leg pain b and general soreness of my body and refused to show it to keep me incapacitated for another day.
Posted by: Michael | 06/27/2020
Salt Water
I’ve been wracked by muscle pains all day from my first Muay Thai lesson in months that I took yesterday. I don’t regret it in the slightest but it has been one heck of a day. I barely got through my stretching routines and even a mile long walk was painful. Naturally, my as untamed mind immediately hankers for sense pleasures to distract it from the painful bodily sensations. However, with the exception of indulging in my daily meal (one meal a day everyday except Friday), I have managed to keep myself from slipping off the razor’s edge. Still, there are five more hours of daylight left.
The verses above rang true and immediately reminded me of the Magandiya Sutta where the Lord Buddha discusses the ignorance and impairment of putthujanas like myself. Specifically:
“In the same way, Magandiya, sensual pleasures in the past were painful to the touch, very hot & scorching; sensual pleasures in the future will be painful to the touch, very hot & scorching; sensual pleasures at present are painful to the touch, very hot & scorching; but when beings are not free from passion for sensual pleasures — devoured by sensual craving, burning with sensual fever — their faculties are impaired, which is why, even though sensual pleasures are actually painful to the touch, they have the skewed perception of ‘pleasant.’
May I develop wisdom and clear vision of the way things are and until then may I rely on faith in the Dhamma to guide me there.
Posted in Bodhisattvayana, Buddha, Buddha Vacana, Buddhism, Dhamma, Dukkha, Sensual Desire, Theravada, Tibetan Buddhism | Tags: Magandiya Sutta, sense pleasures, suffering
Posted by: Michael | 06/24/2020
Strange
I guess you could call it a success. When I come home it when my so-called wife wakes up in the morning I feel nothing but tenderness for her. Despite this, she clings hard to her hatred (if that’s what it is) and had only terse, curt words for me.
It is strange to live with someone who dislikes you so intensely. It is strange to live with someone who accuses you of being full of hate and spite when it seems like she is full of those very things it is strange that I still feel love and affection for her.
That last part is the most painful and yet it will do no one any good to dwell on it or bemoan my fate. There is a quite by Marcus Aurelius that I feel fits my approach to this situation perfectly and is as follows:
How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.
I can’t make her be nice, let alone love me but I can treat her with kindness and ensure that I embody the brahmaviharas at all times.
Posted by: Michael | 06/24/2020
Running
This evening I decided to get in my run while in still had time. It was still hotter than expected and my plantar fasciitis has not completely gone away yet so my mind immediately became inflamed with a thousand anxious thoughts. As I ran down the street I marveled at how many others were doing the same. Predictably I was lusting after female joggers and ridiculing the men.
I was fortunate enough to realize that I couldn’t afford to let the kilesas run wild without being challenged so I reflected immediately that this jogging bag of skin would be dead soon enough just like all the others around me. In fact, I contemplated that I likely would be dead before the trees lining the street were gone.
Gaining some perspective I also returned to the thought that it is so foolish to compete one’s body to that of another. Neither are truly “ours” and they go the way of all material things, returning to the elements.
Finally, on my return home, I was about to rouse mudita for those who were running for their health. It only took the entire length of the run and the limp home but it happened no less.
Posted by: Michael | 06/23/2020
Patient Endurance and Purification
May I be thankful for the difficult beings in my life. Not only do they give me endless opportunities to cultivate khanti parami but I am able to purify much negative kamma in this life.
I shudder to think what would happen were I to die with this surplus of unskillful kamma. It is not hard to truly feel gratitude for these beings while simultaneously feeling slightly guilty that they are giving me this benefit only at their own detriment.
As such, may I dedicate ask of my goodness and merit to those who continue to make the grounds for this practice possible.
Posted by: Michael | 06/21/2020
Happy Father’s Day to Me
Why I expected today to be any different I may never know. Call it hope. Call it delusion. But now I’m on a train platform back to NYC as my wife and kids celebrate Father’s Day with my in-laws.
It is not worth the time or energy to recount the save miserable facts over and over again. All that does matter is the v v quality of my mind and heart and I am applying all of the antidotes I know to keep those from souring.
There is no end to shoulds and oughts so I refuse to indulge in them. Besides, nothing happens that we don’t deserve.
Nothing happens for which we, ourselves, haven’t sowed the seeds.
Knowing this, how can I be upset? With whom should I be angry? Should I, like an insensate dolt, just continue to plant more of the same seeds that created this unpleasant condition in the first place? No. May I instead forgive all. Let go of all and return to tranquillity.
Happy Father’s Day.
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Cheerfulness, Dhamma, Stoicism, Theravada, Upekkha | Tags: Father's Day, forgiveness
Posted by: Michael | 06/20/2020
Mudita on the Uposatha
“If I am only happy for myself, many fewer chances for happiness. If I am happy when good things happen to other people, billions more chances to be happy!” -The Dalai Lama
Today is the uposatha and I am fortunate enough to be able to observe it in peace. I have missed the passed few dice the ending of Ramadan due to a combination of poor will power and strange circumstances.
I listened to a recorded livestream of Ajahn Achalo again in which he talking about the brahmaviharas and how to cultivate them. He didn’t spend so much time on mudita during that portion of the b talk but later, when asked about rebirth, he mentioned that only those beings capable of removing in merit dedicated to them can receive and be helped by it. As such, the Ajahn said, it we never developed this facility in life, we would likely not be about to receive dedications off merit in the next.
I have decided to spend twenty minutes on each of the Brahmaviharas each day which is 80 minutes of meditation a day. This, plus the 10 I do on other subjects, means I am committing to 90 minutes of meditation a day. Really, not that I devote almost the same amount of time to physical fitness I would be ashamed to let my Dhamma practice slip into second place.
Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Karuna, Metta, Mudita, Theravada, Tibetan Buddhism, Upekkha, Uposatha | Tags: ajahn achalo, brahmavihara, death, dedication of merit
Posted by: Michael | 06/19/2020
Daily Work
Every day in this home provides me with more material to practice than I would have imagined possible. Where else could I learn patience, humility, forgiveness and more ask in the space of an hour. I yet fail not than I succeed but Epictetus is not wind and progress is only made through daily practice.
Posted by: Michael | 06/18/2020
Like Water
I have decided to become like water. I took your necessary steps to get the divorce going and my wife has balked. I can’t help but feel it’s just too comfortable and convenient for her.
She thought that custody of the kids would be a bone of contention and, truth be told, so did I at first. But, as I thought of it I realized that the legal set up doesn’t change the fact that I am b their father. Besides, I’m done fighting age custody would cost more in akusala kamma and dollars than I care to spend.
Nonetheless, I am coming to the sad realization that I really shouldn’t pay attention to pretty much anything she says to me. She may have nice things of value to say to others but it is decidedly not the case with me. I will try harder to acknowledge her words only insofar as is necessary to coparent. Other than that, I will try to remain as water, yielding and flowing walking in peace regardless of the obstacles she throws up. And, I will take special care to send metta and karuna to her. May she divorce me quickly.
Posted by: Michael | 06/16/2020
New Habits to Replace the Old
Okay, I just checked and see that the last time I posted was four days ago and I see now that this merits a change to my behavior. For the past decade (or thereabouts) I was able to post during my daily commute on the train to work. Since the coronavirus shut down the trains to non-essential workers in NYC and my family’s fears, I have been taking my electric scooter to work which means I can’t muse on my blog during that time unless I want to find out where my end of life kamma is bringing me sooner rather than later.
All of which reminds of the Tao Te Ching quote which goes as follows:
“Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.” ―
In other words, why try to muscle my way through when I can adjust to the new flow of my life and create a new habit of writing at night? Just by setting the intention and using this writing practice to reflect on the day is more than enough of a motivation to change things.
Posted in Dhamma | Tags: Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
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