Posted by: Upāsaka | 06/24/2020

Strange

I guess you could call it a success. When I come home it when my so-called wife wakes up in the morning I feel nothing but tenderness for her. Despite this, she clings hard to her hatred (if that’s what it is) and had only terse, curt words for me.

It is strange to live with someone who dislikes you so intensely. It is strange to live with someone who accuses you of being full of hate and spite when it seems like she is full of those very things it is strange that I still feel love and affection for her.

That last part is the most painful and yet it will do no one any good to dwell on it or bemoan my fate. There is a quite by Marcus Aurelius that I feel fits my approach to this situation perfectly and is as follows:

How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

I can’t make her be nice, let alone love me but I can treat her with kindness and ensure that I embody the brahmaviharas at all times.


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