Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 04/13/2013

Service

Over the years I have increasingly found myself drawn to the idea of helping others by means of the Buddhadhamma in a more formal capacity. Because it is so easy to misconstrue when someone mentions the subject of helping others by means of one’s own religion let me make it clear that evangelizing and proselytism are definitely NOT the activities I have in mind. Rather, I am interested in being of service to those who feel a connection with pan-Buddhist teachings or identify themselves as Buddhists and who find themselves in need of support. Unfortunately, almost all of the programs available that train people to provide spiritual counseling are associated with specifically Mahayana organizations. This, in itself, is not a bad thing but I feel that there are large parts of my practice and faith that would not sit well with certain points of doctrine and praxis (e.g., the prajna-paramita sutras, kido chanting, etc).

But, and this is the real point, what is it exactly that I am hoping to gain through this training? Legitimacy? Certainly, there is the desire to feel that I am not simply making things up as I go along but there is also the fear of harming someone without the oversight and training that an ecclesiastical order would (hopefully) provide. The NYC Zen Center for Contemplative Care is an excellent example of an organization that is providing first-class education and oversight but I have long avoided them simply due to the costs.

Regardless of the costs I find myself coming back to the idea of integrating the values of metta and karuna into my life in a real and active way with ever-increasing frequency. Hitherto I have used my lack of time as an excuse not to pursue these ideas any further but perhaps it’s time I once more take up volunteering as a part of my Dhamma practice. Until then all of these ideas will remain just that: pretty ideas with no substance. May may words and aspirations not be like a beautiful flowers, full of color but without fragrance.

Zen Acharya puts passion into Buddhist compassion (zenacharyabuddhistvisionary.wordpress.com)
American Buddhism: Beyond the Search for Inner Peace (religiondispatches.org)
Robert Aitken Roshi on Gay Marriage: A Zen Buddhist Perspective (jizochronicles.com)

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Posted in Buddhism, Dana, Dhamma, Karuna, Metta, Theravada | Tags: Buddhism, Dharma, Gautama Buddha, human-rights, Lineages, mahayana, philosophy, religion, Religion and Spirituality, spirituality, United States, Zen

Posted by: Michael | 04/12/2013

Sabba danam dhamma danam jinati

Perhaps it’s just the time of the month but formal practice commitments have been a real struggle of late. More than anything it feels as if I simply do not have the energy needed to keep up the intensity of effort I feel I should be putting into the practice. So, much of formal practice has been about watching the mind rebel and calling out the aversion to the meditation itself as it arises and slowly passes away.

I have said (probably many) times before but it appears to me that saddha is the only recourse left at low times like this when it is ooh-so-easy to believe in the doubting voices in one’s head which seek to persuade us to give up and just crawl into bed. Without faith in the efficacy of meditation, or even simply the tremendous benefit of inclining the heart and mind towards meditation, it would be impossible to cross the vast, interminable spaces where one’s only company are the disembodied whisperings of doubt and self-deprecation. It is at points like these in the practice where I remember why it can be so hard to start and maintain a regular meditation practice in the firs place. But, I am fortunate to have had several years of this practice andd have seen how the Dhamma-vinaya has not only benefited but literally saveed my life.

In that vein, it has just occurred to me that it might be fun and helpful to try a variant of the gratitude practice wherein I contemplate the gifts I have received from my practice of the Dhamma. I might as well start a list here and now and will experiment with it later. In short, I am grateful for the following gifts bequeathed to me by the Dhamma:

The gift of peace
The gift of purpose
The gift of forgiveness
The gift of metta
The gift of karuna

Of course I could write a whole post on each of these and there are surely countless more gifts I have received from the Dhamma but this is really just a preamble to what I hope to be a practice that will open the heart once more.

Sabba danam dhamma danam jinati

To Know the Dhamma is to Know Your Monkeys! (mettarefuge.wordpress.com)
Triple Gem (dranilj1.wordpress.com)
I’m Going to Start Meditating Again (zombiedeconstruction.wordpress.com)

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Posted in Aditthana, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Formal Meditation, Gratitude, Theravada | Tags: appreciation, Buddha, Buddhism, contentment, Dhamma, dhamma-vinaya, Dharma, Gautama Buddha, gift of peace, Lineages, LOrd Buddha, meditation, meditation practice, Religion and Spirituality, Sabba danam dhamma danam jinati, self deprecation, Theravada

Posted by: Michael | 04/11/2013

Burn Out

Yesterday’s uposatha was particulartly tough for me and I awoke this morning feeling weak and nauseous. I feel almost ashamed to admit that liquid fasting for a scant 16 hours has the ability to lower my mood to the point where I am deesperately awaiting the first rays of light to filter down from the the buildings above and into my ground floor windows but that was this morning’s truth. Rather than seeking the etiology and trying to plan the perfect uposatha maybe it would be wiser to reflect on how this feels and what I should bring to it.

My first impulse is to judge myself severely and compare myself to the forest ajahns I’ve read about or the likes of Mahakassapa the master of dhutanga practices. But, comparing myself to such great beings in this way is hardly skillful and leads only to further self-concern and self-pity. Perhaps the best way to hold my uposatha breakdown is to remember that, although the observance was hard for me it was done blamelessly and out of a desire for true happiness. What more could be asked? All we can do is work on the causes and the results will naturally follow.

May we all see the truth of the Dhamma and bear with our practice!

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Posted in Buddhism, Dhamma, Karuna, Nekkhama, Theravada, Uposatha | Tags: burn out, Dhamma, nekkhama, renunciation, uposatha

Posted by: Michael | 04/10/2013

Happy Uposatha – Parisa

Last night was the first time in weeks that I have been able to attend any classes with my teacher and I can attest to the potency of receiving instructions and discussing practice in a group setting. Although my own formal practice is solid in terms of consistency there is the tendency to forget key points and to become confused with regard to the fundamentals in a way that is not easy to remedy on one’s own. And, although I am loathe to admit it, it certainly seems that success in this Dhamma and Discipline depends heavily on having face to face interactions with trusted teachers and kalyana mittas. Why is this? No idea but I do know that those periods when I have strayed the farthest from the path were times when I had left the fold.

May we cultivate gratitude for our teachers and spiritual friends and daily count our blessings for the Dhamma-Vinaya!

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Gratitude, Mudita, Theravada, Uposatha | Tags: Buddhism, Dhamma, dhamma-vinaya, Dharma, Education, Gautama Buddha, gratitude, kalyana-mitta, parisa, Teacher, Theravada, Vinaya

Posted by: Michael | 04/09/2013

A Snare

As opened my phone to begin to write I quickly realized that I didn’t have anything prepared and, what’s more, there was a sense of futility which threaten to swamp the endeavor before it had begun. Because I try to write exclusively on the basis of whatever comes to mind and arises in my heart I decided that this was the first place I needed to check and see if this hollowness was truly a sign that it might be best to forego today’s post or if it was something else entirely. So, what did the heart feel like?

At first glance, one could say that there was nothing happening at all in the heart and that the state was more or less neutral but upon deeper investigation all of the worries and preoccupations about the day ahead began to make themselves apparent and bubble up to the surface. It is at this time that I realized and remembered that the pea-soup mental haze which descended on me is just one more trick of Mara’s designed to keep the mind deluded.

It is interesting to reflect that, were it not for this practice of writing once a day about Dhamma practice, my somnabulism could have continued indefinitely-a scary thought when one considers the fact that death can come at any time.

May we rouse the energy and determination to be mindful and alert. May we not succumb to laziness and complacency but strive ardently until we reach the safety of Nibbana!

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Posted by: Michael | 04/08/2013

Reproach

When it comes to criticism received from those who are closest to me I often find it hard to winnow out the truly helpful parts from those that are beest let go. This is especially difficult when I am being taken to task for things that are more than just isolated incidents but seem to represent ways of being and habitual behaviors that I have picked up over the years and perhaps lifetimes.

For as long as I can remember I have been an anxious person. Long before diagnoses such as generalized anxiety disorder existed I was daily avoiding eye contact with people (my first memories of this are from when I was 6 or 7), being afraid to talk to store clerks and worrying about my father dying on one of his frequent plane trips. With the start of the AIDS epidemic I found a new obsession and was worried about contracting the disease (without any justification) before I actually became sexually active in my teens. So, suffice it to say that I am prone to see the negative in things and easily get caught in webs of fear to this day with little or no reason.

Anyway, it is precisely this character trait that has repeatedly come under attack by someone very clsoe to me. I understand their frustrations (I am, myself, quite frustrated by it as well) but it seems like their is precious little I can do to change it. I believe if just keeping silent about my fears and going along with any plans that may serve as triggers were the answer the problem would have been solved long ago. Unfortunately, it seems that the simple fact that I have these feelings at all is enough to merit reproach.

So, what to do? Obviously there is a line here and it can be drawn on the contours of observable behaviors. It simply isn’t fair (let alone kind) to dictate the contents of someone’s inner life and that is truly where I must stand my ground. I will, for the sake of harmony and to avoid depriving myself of precious time with my dear ones, continually make an effort to fight fear and anxiety wherever it arises and nepot allow it to control my life. in the final analysis, it is I who must take care of and love myself and, although I acknowledge my foibles and faults, I refuse to allow another’s, equally unenlightened perception to define me. May we all be free of inner and outer harm!

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Karuna, Theravada | Tags: Anxiety, criticism, fear, karuna, love, metta

Posted by: Michael | 04/07/2013

Being Human

I had wanted to write more yesterday about my own struggles to parent and parent well but by the time I had that opportunity it was far too late and I simply didn’t have the strength to do so. In simple terms, I am often torn between what I (perhaps uncharitably) consider my selfish desires for seclusion and contemplative space and the demands my wife and children put on my time. I realize even as I write this that this is yet another manifestation of delusion–there is no magic formula, no correct ratio of hours spent alone in contemplation versus hours spent at soccer practice or at the park. So where does that leave me?

To be honest, the best I have come up with is a general idea of how to meet the challenge but it has yet to be realized in anything concrete. It seems that the best way to undertake the myriad duties, chores and obligations of the home life would be to do so with a heart full of metta, karuna, mudita or upekkha but saying so doesn’t really amount to much. How does one put that into practice at the park when you’re watching two little ones zip hither and thither (almost always in opposite directions) while trying to help them navigate the maze of social interactions with other children and parents? How do you maintain a compassionate perception when your daughter has been crying on and off for an hour because she wants mami to come home? How do you maintain your equanimity when you have been up since 4:15am, worked all day and come home to an angry wife and unruly kids?

The only sensible answer I can come up with is that I just keep practicing and remembering to forgive myself (often) for being human. More than anything else I feel it is regret and remorse over the unskillful things I have said, done or thought that haunt me and darken my mind. May we all have hearts filled with forgiveness and may we never cease from our practice until we have reached our goal of total liberation!

To be with what is (omstreifer.wordpress.com)
Briefy, some Buddhism (letterstomygestalt.wordpress.com)
What Does the Theravāda Buddhist Religion Have to Say about the Poverty on Skid Row? (dharmadialogue.wordpress.com)

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Posted in Aditthana, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Karuna, Metta, Mudita, Parenting, Theravada | Tags: aditthana, brahmavihara, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, family, forgiveness, Home, khama, Magic formula, meditation, metta, mudita, parenting, Theravada, upekkha

Posted by: Michael | 04/07/2013

Bad Dad

I suppose we all wonder if we’re good parents and today was definitely one of them. The day was spent in and out of hospitals, parks, soccer fields and pharmacies and was a brief glimpse into the world of the full time mother. How to reconcile my misgivings and frustrations with my love and affection for my kids?

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Parenting, Theravada | Tags: Facebook, family, father, Father's Day, Home, Organizations, Parent, People

Posted by: Michael | 04/05/2013

Inner Harm

Working with the metta phrase abyapajjo homi has brought some unexpected results. In particular the way I’ve come to interpret this phrase has been evovling daily and I am honestly surprised that it has kind of taken on a life of its own. Anyway, before I ramble on too much, let me get to the point: it appears to me that being free from inner harm really refers to being free from defilements. I mean, when you think about it, what else could it mean? What, if not the kilesas, can harm the mind?

So, at this point, I could throw my hands up in despair for the reason that I’m unable to pin down the exact definition of abypajjo homi but I think to do so would be a bit unwise. These type of things have a way of bleeding into one another and it is the nature of language to shift semantically over time and through cultures. Frankly, anicca is a characteristic of all things so perhaps my search for the true (read: unchanging) is nothing more than a symptom of delusion. I’m not suggesting that we throw the baby out with the bath water because understanding the current meaning of words is integral to our functioning in society and, perhaps, as humans at all but it is easy to forget that the entire Baroque edifice that is a living language rests on a few basic assumptions, tacit agreements and conventions. Once those are removed or transcended the whole thing falls apart. Hence the ineffability of Nibbana. But, as you can see, I have gone very far afield now so please accept my apologies.

I thank anyone who happens to stumble across this post for their patience but this rambling really has allowed me to work out a problem that could have otherwise been a deal-breaker. Funny how easily we can forget. Anicca vata sankhara.

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Posted in Dhamma | Tags: abyapajjo homi, anicca, Anicca vata sankhara, kilesas, may I be free of inner harm, metta, nivarana

Posted by: Michael | 04/04/2013

May I Be Free of Inner Harm

So I have been working with abyapajjo homi and think I may have settled on the phrase “May I be free from inner harm.” I like this rendering because I feel that it’s broader in its meaning (it is not referring solely to mental phenomena but can refer to emotions and the sum of one’s internal life as well). It may very well be hair-splitting but it is truly a matter of praxis for me: I’m simply unable to concentrate effectively on a phrase if I am not at ease with its meaning.

As it stands I was not really getting any traction with using May I be free of mental suffering” so it will be interesting to see if the heart warms to this contemplation. May we all be free from inner and outer harm!

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Posted in Buddhism, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Metta, Theravada | Tags: abyapajjo homi, contemplation, may I be free of inner harm, meditation, metta, praxis