Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 10/02/2013

The Lure of Distraction

Walking from dropping off my daughter to the train I noticed just how hard it was to keep returning my attention to the breath. And, for whatever reason, this struck me as unfair. It was as if I believed somewhere that now that I had made my resolve things should be more or less easy for me. As it turns out my resolve probably means the exact opposite: I can espect to find a lot more resistance now that I am attempting to stick with it.

I suppose what startled me most was the fact that it is so much easier to go with distraction. Despite what pleasures may eventually come as a fruit of the practice, one should rightly expect the practice to be hard work. I think my inner bliss junkie has been steering me wrong again and I need to re-examine my intentions. Rather than await pleasant states to which I feel somehow entitled I should aim to center myself beyond pleasure and pain to see more clearly.

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Posted by: Michael | 10/01/2013

Doubt and the Breath

I have been trying to take up the practice of awareness of the breath in all postures and all times and have had. Some great success. It has definitely served me well in helping to smooth out rough patches of the day and to get some space between the imaginary me and the anxiety that I seem to want so badly to call my own. Yet, what stands out most about the last two days is simply the amount of doubt that comes up and questions my very ability to be successful in this practice.

I had never considered myself to be overly plagued by doubt as I readily accept all of the teachings of the Lord Buddha found in the Pali canon so that may be why I was so blind-sided by the doubt that surrounds my practice. As I walked this morning and sought to keep my attention on the breath voices of doubt continuously arose: am I doing this right? Should I keep trying to feel the breath in my chest? Should I switch to the nose? Oh no, I can’t find the breath anywhere, what to do!? These are the voices that have kept me from practicing natural meditation for years but I have only just seen them for what they are today. And for that I am grateful.

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Posted in Anapanasati, Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Gratitude, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: breath meditation, daily life, doubt, mindfulness

Posted by: Michael | 10/01/2013

Sarcasm

There was a bit of a meltdown last night as a result of one aspect of wrong speech that I have so far been unable to restrain: sarcasm. for a variety of reasons, sarcasm and wit have been the things which I use most often in conversation both to connect with others and to shield myself from feelings. But, it has gone too far and I have taken it to the point where I am willing to sacrifice another’s feelings for the sake of a laugh (wht makes it worse is that I’m usually the only one laughing).

I have often wondered why I am not making the kind of progress I would like on the path and although this type of miccha vaca is not surely the sole cause I am pretty certain it has a lot to do with it. Sarcasm and acerbic wit as I know it are based on a cynical and pejorative view of the world. As such, not much could be further from contenment, peace and appreciaton. I have promised my wife to excise the sarcasm from my speech and asked for her help yet I know I’m in for a battle royale. May I clearly see the harm in sarcasm and purify my speech.

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Posted in Aditthana, Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Karuna, Metta, Parenting, Practice at Work, Sammā Vācā, Theravada | Tags: miccha vaca, right speech, samma vaca, sarcasm, wrong speech

Posted by: Michael | 09/28/2013

Soccer

It’s an interesting thing tis fatherhood. This Saturday, as every Saturday, my son had a soccer game. He loves soccer and is, for better or for worse, very good at it. Unfortunately, only two of his team shoed up today and, although it pains me to say it, neither of them are very good. Somehow, despite the odds they were able to tie in the end but that is not what troubles me.

No, the distressing thing about all of it was watching the movements of my mind. I swung between anger at the ineptitude of our coach, to disappointment at the lack of support my son got from his team mates, to frustration with the poor kid on our team who never seemed to know which way to kick the ball. And, to make things worse, I watched my ire raise with the comments of the other team’s coach. I see now how these events can get out of control and parents can react so aggressively.

So, how do I deal with this in a more skillful way? Empathy I suppose, as always. How would I feel if I were the parent of or the kid who didn’t know which way to kick? How would it feel to be completely unprepared to coach? How would it feel to play against a team that was in complete disarray? It seems so logical and easy now but in the moment it escapes me completely. May I do better next time.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dana, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Parenting, Theravada | Tags: compassion, empathy

Posted by: Michael | 09/27/2013

Peace

Lately I have been taken with the idea of recalling peace as another way in which to meet the inevitable temptations to veer off into unskillful thinking. Just reminding myself of the possibility of cessation, of stilling may not always work to quell the impulse to gorge myself on mental junk food but at least I remember that there is always a choice. In other words, it seems to broaden my perspective to recall that the whole point of this path is to come to the end of suffering and pain so I should use my mind to fabricate these perceptions of peace and these shadows of Nibbana rather than strengthening they same old fantasies.

Sukhita hontu!

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Sensual Desire, Theravada | Tags: kusala, Nibbana, Peace, stillness

Posted by: Michael | 09/27/2013

Wrong Side of the Bed

Maybe it has been the glacial stress or the long hours but for whatever reason I did not wake up early enough to get my morning routine in and I suffered badly for it today. It is almost as if I sit atop a bubbling cauldron and my practice is the pressure valve which keeps it all from spilling over. And, spill over it did today without the grounding of bhavana.

So, because I hold myself so dear I make the aditthana to rouse myself to practice even if it be only 15 minutes in order to secure my own short and long term happiness.

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Posted in Aditthana, Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Metta, Theravada | Tags: aditthana, bhavana, karuna, metta

Posted by: Michael | 09/25/2013

Keeping Peace in Mind

I am coming more and more to an understanding of the practice as an off-the-cushion remembrance and calling to mind of the sense of ease and peace that can arise from anapanasati. In other words, when I am tempted to reach for unskillful or unwholesme sense pleasures I call to mind and try to recollect by means of the body the ease and warmth that can be developed through putting the mind on the breath. I don’t know if this is possible solely due to the hours of practice I put in or if anyone would be able to experience this after their first taste of peace but it certainly seems possible to me.

I think the hardest thing about practicing in this way is that it requires almost complete self-reliance. Books and teachers are important but can only take you so far. Once you come to understand that the sense of peace and ease. You have tried to develop in your meditation must be nourishing enough to sustain your practice of the Dhamma and your commitment to skillfulness you realize you’ve got to take the training wheels off and start fending for yourself.

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Posted in Anapanasati, Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: mindfulness, piti, recollection, sati, sukha

Posted by: Michael | 09/24/2013

Reflecting on One’s Goodness

I have been finding my “pep talk walks” fraught with doubt and have been despairing somewhat about my ability to contemplate my goodness on a regular basis. The difficulties are myriad of course but the most common obstacle I come up against time and again is the pernicious view that I need to be absolutely spotless in my conduct in order to reflect on my goodness.

Take this morning for example: my wife and I got into an argument which I ended in a somewhat dramatic fashion. Obviously I am not proud with the way I handled it but does that negate any of the good I did before or after? It’s not merely a rhetorical device but something I need to hold in my heart until I have an answer that is in line with the Dhamma. It’s clear, however, that although it would be better for me had I restrained myself I am yet capable of doing new acts of goodness and creating new kamma.

May we have confidence in our intentions and our ability to walk the path.

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Posted in Dhamma | Tags: appreciation, caganussati, mudita, sila

Posted by: Michael | 09/23/2013

More Walking

One of the things my teacher said last night that related the devlopment of concentration vis-a-vis walking meditation was that the Lord Buddha described it as lasting longer than the concetration gained from seated meditation. I asked where in the canon it could be found annd was told to look in the Anguttara Nikaya in the fives and, although I have yet to verify it for myself, I have more confidence knowing that it is there.

According to my tracher we should pick a spot somewhere in the body below the head (so the nostrils are out) that we use in both formal walking and daily life practice. I have a difficult time switching from the nose to the center of the chest (the spot that seems best to me after the nose) but am inclined to try it because I honestly believe that the advice comes from his own experience. For me to do otherwise would simply belie a mistrust in the teacher and I would need to re-examine my confidence in him and his instructons on a wholesale basis. Thankfully, I don’t feel the need to do so. What does that leave me with? Simply an opportunity to set a goal that I can accomplish (breathing through the heart center) and the consequent joy of success. What, really, is there to lose?

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: Anguttara Nikaya, concetration, formal meditation, walking meditation

Posted by: Michael | 09/23/2013

Walking Meditation

Tonight’s Dhamma talk was initially about saddha but soon morphed into a talk about walking meditation. My teahcer brought up the fact that most of us view it as sitting meditation’s poor step-cousin. Yet, tonight he reaffirmed its role in helping us transition from formal meditation to mindfulness of the breath in all postures throughout the day.As such, he recommends that we do at least 10 minutes of walking each day we I intend to take up whole heartedly.

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Posted in Aditthana, Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dana, Dhamma, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: formal meditation, walking meditation