Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 01/05/2014

Breath Medicine

Today as I prepared to sit down I became immediately aware of an intense but seemingly indescribable suffering in the area of my chest. The feeling wasn’t so much physical (although there was a slight feeling of tingling and constriction) as it was mental (or dare I say emotional) and even now I am unsure of its exact nature. What quickly became clear as I chanted my refuges and precepts was that there was no way I had the wherewithal to make it through thirty minutes of highly discursive forgiveness meditation (a clue that I am surely practicing incorrectly but that is a topic for another day). As such I quickly made up my mind to switch my object to the breath.

The feeling of suffering which seemed to manifest mostly as a restlessness and a deep, objectless aversion persisted but I stayed with the breath and eventually, after about ten minutes, began to find some solace and relief. The feeling of well-being expanded slightly as the half hour went on and I imagined at certain points the breath energy coming in through all of my pores and permeating the body. I had the distinct feeling throughout that the breath really was a medicine for the body-mind and despite my thoughts of disappointment about abandoning the forgiveness meditation I knew that anapanasati was what was called for and that it was only by taking care of myself in this way that I could even ready the stage for the forgiveness practice.

Birthday

Today is my birthday and, as usual, it has been a struggle against a lifetime of conditioning which tells me to believe that I am special and the day I was born is one which should be cherished. It is a day that I must fight the urge, however unsuccessfully, to demand special treatment from my family (and here I seem to mean almost exclusively my wife). It is strange and perhaps utterly ungracious to spend my birthday trying hard not to act like a spoiled toddler but that is how I still feel well into my middling years. It is my hope that I will someday be mature enough to view my birthday as a day of gratitude to parents, teachers, friends and family who have given me the gifts of life, learning and happiness. Another year has passed and another opportunity squandered so may I do better tomorrow and each day that follows.

Sukhitaa hontu!

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Gratitude, Parenting, Theravada | Tags: birthday, gratitude, selfishness

Posted by: Michael | 01/03/2014

Relentless in the Pursuit of Worldly Gain

New York City has been hit by a classic winter storm that would probably bring any other city of comparable size to its knees but, in typical New York fashion, everyone has decided to brave the storm, trudge through the shin-deep snow and jam themselves into the infrequently passing trains like so many heads of cattle being sent to the slaughter. Why? And why I am no different?

Several times today I contemplated turning back and working from home (you’ll notice that nothing can prrevent us from working, from producing) but there were so many things to be done and I wanted to at least support my employees who had made it there. In one sense at least there is something noble to be said about my commitment despite the fact that fear and greed seem to be propelling me and everyone else around me to ridiculous feats of productivity.

And yet, isn’t this a cause for compassion? What could be a better reason for concern and forgiveness than seeing a person or millions of people spurred on by greed, fear an.d delusion? Perhaps the soil of my heart has grown softer with the practice of forgiveness or perhaps it would be obvious to anyone but where I have often seen reason to despair I can now at least see something to tend to, to care for and to try to understand. Where is the need for vitriol? What would the excuse to heap on more suffering?

May all of us compelled by the three poisons learn to free ourselves with goodwill, compassion, gratitude and equanimity.

Forgiving My Practice

I feel that, over the course of the last few days, I have not put as much effort into the practice as I would have liked and I have almost forgotten that to forgive this too is as much a part of the practice as anyhthing else.

Since I made the decision to renounce any bodhisattva vbows I made in this or previous lives I have also been taking stock of the direction and general timbre of my practice of the Dhamma (I am quite aware of the repeated use of the first person possessive which I am employing to illustrate just how enamored I am of my own views and opinions) and realize that much of what I have been doing for some time was more out of the fear of missing something and the hope of finding a more expedient means to liberation. Clearly there has been a dearth of clear thinking.

What is clear is that the various Mahayana lineages all have great value but I am simply ill-disposed to capitalize upon them and for whatever kammic reason, the Theravada tradition and the path of the savaka is where I am most at home (home being more or less a synonym for the tradition that causes me the least cognitive dissonance). Anyhow, even if I take inspiration from these traditions I intend to hold firm to my commitment never to vow again in this lifetime to save all beings. It’s important to know where one stands and to understand one’s limits and for me no amount of eel-wriggling can justify my speaking a vow that I would have no way of carrying out let alone maintain such an intention. How could I develop the 8FP and engage in wrong speech? Simply put, I couldn’t so I will leave the bodhisattvayana to those who are made of sterner stuff than I and put my nose to the grind working to purify the imperfections of my heart.

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Posted in Dhamma | Tags: eightfold path, kilesas, purification, sila

Posted by: Michael | 01/02/2014

Buddha Vacana ~ Sharing verses for Jan 2, 2014

2. “Imagine that the whole earth was covered with water, and a man was to throw a yoke with a hole in it into the water. Blown by the wind, that yoke would drift north, south, east and west. Now, suppose that once in a hundred years a blind turtle would rise to the surface. What do you think? Would that turtle put his head through the hole in the yoke as he rose to the surface once in a hundred years?”
“It is unlikely, Lord.”
“Well, it is just as unlikely that one will be born as a human being; it is just as unlikely that a Tathagata, a Noble One, a fully enlightened Buddha should arise in the world; and it is just as unlikely that the Dhamma and discipline of the Tathagata should be taught. But now you have been born as a human being, a Tathagata has arisen and the Dhamma has been taught. Therefore, strive to realize the Four Noble Truths.”

Samyutta Nikaya
http://www.buddhavacana.net

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Gratitude, Theravada | Tags: Buddha, Dhamma, precious human life

Posted by: Michael | 01/02/2014

Giving Back Vows

My journey along the Path of the Buddhadhamma began, in this life, with my discovery and practice of the teachings as presented by Mahayana schools. As such, my own journey began with my taking of the Bodhisattva vows a t a time when I don’t believe I even understood what they entailed although, to be fair, I’m not sure many of worldlings ever comprehend the scope of what such a vow entails. Over the years I have vacillated, reinterpreted and attempt to reimagine a way in which these vows could be something other than they are in order to build a bridge between my developing understanding of the Dhamma and the many teachers and practitioners of the Mahayana with whom I feel a connection and for whom I have a deep respect but, alas, I have never been successful. So, despite my initial misgivings (whose vry existence surprised me) I declared my intentions to renounce any Bodhisattva vows made in this or past lifetimes before my Buddharupa. it is hard to describe but having given back those vows has made me realize that there is a deep wellspring of concern and compassion for all beings that may have been masked by the very aspiration to save them all. Strange thing this life.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Karuna, Metta, Theravada | Tags: bodhisattva vow, Buddha, Dhamma, karuna, metta

Posted by: Michael | 12/31/2013

What Does It Mean to Forgive?

Working with this meditation we are asked to use meaningful (to us of course) phrases during the formal practice and to forgive whatever comes up in the course of the day. Naturally, I quickly rebelled and all manner of doubts arose when I first began the practice but I can both see some and imagine even more benefits that might accrue from such a labor so I am sticking with it.

Perhaps the most poignant aspect of the instructions is where we are asked to forgive ourselves for whatever it is we are working on (e.g. “I forgive myself for my mistakes”) and then to radiate loving-kindness into that and to stay with that feeling of metta-karuna until it fades or our minds become distracted. Not only have I accessed real tenderness for myself in this way but, provided one follows the instructions, it is rather difficult to slip into a mantra-like recitation of the words.

As it stands I have only just begun to work with this form of forgiveness meditation but I am impressed with its compactness and utility so I am inspired to see it through and, hopefully, do another online retreat using it as my theme.

Sabbe satta sukhitaa hontu!

Buddha Vacana ~ Sharing verses for Dec 31, 2013

365. And the Lord said to Magandiya: “It is like a man born blind who cannot see either colour or shape, the even or the uneven, the stars, the sun or the moon. He might hear someone speaking of the pleasure of a lovely, unstained, pure white cloth, and start searching to get one. But someone might deceive him by giving him a greasy, grimy, coarse robe and by saying: ‘My good man, this is lovely, unstained, pure white cloth.’ He might take it and put it on. Then his friends and relations might get a physician and surgeon to make medicine for him, potions, purgatives, ointments and treatment for his eyes. Because of this he might regain his sight and clarify his vision.
Then the desire and attachment he had for that greasy robe would go, he would no longer consider the man who gave it to him a friend. He might even consider him an enemy, thinking: ‘For a long time I have been defrauded, deceived and cheated by this man.” Even so, if I were to teach you Dhamma, saying: ‘This is that health, this is that Nirvana,’ you might come to know health, you might see Nirvana. With the arising of that vision, the desire and attachment you had for the five clinging aggregates might go.
You might even think: ‘For a long time I have been defrauded, deceived and cheated by the mind, by clinging to body, feeling, perception, mental constructs and consciouness. Conditioned by this clinging there was becoming; conditioned by becoming there was birth; conditioned by birth, old age, dying, grief, sorrow, suffering, lamentation and despair came into being. This is the origin of this whole mass of suffering.”
And Magandiya said to the Lord: “I have confidence that if the good Gotama were to teach me Dhamma, I could rise from my seat no longer blind.”

Majjhima Nikaya I.511

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Posted by: Michael | 12/30/2013

Exuberance

I have often wondered how exuberance can be counted among one of the enemies to the brahma viharas (or simply to the mind devoted to contemplation of the Dhamma) most likely because I am more prone to low energy states. Anyway, I received news today that I would not be dropped from the training program I have been involved in and was inspired by the forgiveness technique I have been practicing so much so that I felt abuzz with energy-so much so that I could hardly sit still at work. Were it any other time or place I most like would have stopped and tried some breah meditation to calm the body and mind but my work environment rarely allows for that. Still, it was interesting to see yet one more way that the mind can go off the rails.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Practice at Work, Restlessness and Remorse, Theravada | Tags: exuberance, hindrance, restlessness

Posted by: Michael | 12/30/2013

Buddha Vacana ~ Sharing verses for Dec 30, 2013

364. There is an Unborn, an Unbecome, an Unmade, an Uncompounded. If there were not this Unborn, Unbecome, Unmade, Uncompounded, then there would be no escape from the born, the become, the made, the compounded. But as there is an Unborn, an Unbecome, an Unmade, an Uncompounded, then there is an escape from the born, the become, the made, the compounded.

Udana 80

http://www.buddhavacana.net

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