Posted by: Upāsaka | 01/03/2014

Forgiving My Practice

I feel that, over the course of the last few days, I have not put as much effort into the practice as I would have liked and I have almost forgotten that to forgive this too is as much a part of the practice as anyhthing else.

Since I made the decision to renounce any bodhisattva vbows I made in this or previous lives I have also been taking stock of the direction and general timbre of my practice of the Dhamma (I am quite aware of the repeated use of the first person possessive which I am employing to illustrate just how enamored I am of my own views and opinions) and realize that much of what I have been doing for some time was more out of the fear of missing something and the hope of finding a more expedient means to liberation. Clearly there has been a dearth of clear thinking.

What is clear is that the various Mahayana lineages all have great value but I am simply ill-disposed to capitalize upon them and for whatever kammic reason, the Theravada tradition and the path of the savaka is where I am most at home (home being more or less a synonym for the tradition that causes me the least cognitive dissonance). Anyhow, even if I take inspiration from these traditions I intend to hold firm to my commitment never to vow again in this lifetime to save all beings. It’s important to know where one stands and to understand one’s limits and for me no amount of eel-wriggling can justify my speaking a vow that I would have no way of carrying out let alone maintain such an intention. How could I develop the 8FP and engage in wrong speech? Simply put, I couldn’t so I will leave the bodhisattvayana to those who are made of sterner stuff than I and put my nose to the grind working to purify the imperfections of my heart.


Responses

  1. Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu! Wish you and family Happy New Year,happy new life…moment to moment… Being aware Feeling friendly Letting go


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