Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 06/08/2014

Mara’s Tricks

I have recently written about how I feel the need to commit to more intense practice in order to affect real change in my personality and behavior and I meant it but today, as I find myself with a good number of hours to devote to practice I find myself balking at the idea of sitting more than twice. It is strange but nonetheless familiar: when I have the opportunity to practice intensely at home I am usually assailed by doubts about the efficacy of marathon sessions, etc.

Writing it, I see what a cop out it is but alone in the apartment Mara knows just what to say to derail me. But, what a blessing it is to reflect and to have this place to do so. My fears, doubts and baseless trepidation are seen for what they are and I can return with greater zeal. Sukhita hontu!

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Theravada | Tags: doubt, intense practice, New York, practice

Posted by: Michael | 06/07/2014

Peaks and Valleys

It seems that the stress of the past week has resulted in me losing control of my temper more often than I would like and allowing irritation to get the better of me. At times like this I often think with chagrin of the Lord Buddha’s advice in the Karaniya Metta Sutta to be one who is “unburdened with duties.”

And yet, despite the wisdom that there may be in the idea that one can live amidst unburdened in the midst of the burdened I, for one, am not spiritually gifted nor developed enough to do so. The best I can do for now is feel remorse for the harm I cause myself and others through irritation, make the resolve to do better and follow through whenever I can. My wife and kids will be away for a month or so this summer so I am making the firm resolve to do as much extended and retreat type practice that I can as a tribute to and gift to them as they are the ones who are most hurt and impacted by my anger and frustration.

Kāyena vācā cittena
Pamādena mayā kataṃ
Accayaṃ khama me bhante
Bhūripañña tathāgata!

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Theravada | Tags: Gautama Buddha, health, Karaniya Metta Sutta, Kāyena, LOrd Buddha, metta sutta, Sangha, United States

Posted by: Michael | 06/07/2014

Living in Peace

157. If, in an argument, the offender and the reprover do not practise strict self-examination, you can expect that it will lead to drawn out, bitter, contentious strife, and no one will be able to live in peace.
And how should the two parties practise strict self-examination? The offender should reflect: “I have committed some wrong and that other person saw me. When he saw, he got annoyed and said so. He rebuked me and I got annoyed and went and told the others. So, it is I who am at fault.”
And how does the reprover practise strict self-examination? The reprover should reflect: “This person has committed some wrong and I saw him. Had he not done it, I would not have seen it, but as he did it, I saw it. When I saw, I was displeased and I told him so. He got annoyed and told the others. So it is I who am at fault.”
So it is that if in an argument the offender and the reprover both practise strict self-examination, you can expect that all will be able to live in peace.

Anguttara Nikaya I.53

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: anger, argument, strife

Posted by: Michael | 06/05/2014

Losing One’s Way

I am continually amazed at how easily I lose my way and forget my sense of purpose. Coming out of the other side of crisis I abrubtly reawaken to the fact that I have lost touch with my motivation to practice. Yes, I have continued to practice but almost without any real sense of intentionality and solely as a means to ensure that I wouldn’t completely slip away. Strange. Yet, it happens over and again without ceasing. And if it is this easy to lose the thread in this very life how much more infinitely difficult must it be to take hold once more of the determination to awaken in our next birth?

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Posted in Aditthana, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: aditthana, delusion, Dhamma, rebirth

Posted by: Michael | 06/04/2014

A Respite

This morning, busy and fraught as ever, I had no time to sit in formal meditation. Still, in between the emails and oatmeal, the flossing and fighting iwas ble to take five minutes to bow before the Buddharupa on my altar and recite obeisances, refuges and precepts. For what reason I know not but there was so much solace in chanting the traditional formulae that I was taken aback as I have only experienced this type of sukha in meditation before. Yes, it was a parlor trick of the mind but a nice respite nonetheless.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Sangha, Theravada, Tisarana | Tags: buddha vandana, chanting, precepts, refuges

Posted by: Michael | 06/03/2014

Change

In so many ways, the events of the last week are pulling the wool from my eyes and leading me to believe that the way we’re living is untenable and, interestingly enough, not even aligned with the deeper values of my life and my desires for my children. The harder it becomes to make a living here, the less attractive are the angry crowds, the tiny spaces in which we pass our days and the separation from nature and the greater rhythms of life. So, does that mean I am on the verge of taking my family deep into the wilderness somewhere and starting over as 21st Century Luddites. Not quite but there is much that needs to be reexamined as these waves of change roll in and carry away the patterns and preferences of old.

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Posted in Anicca, Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Parenting, Practice at Work, Sensual Desire, Theravada | Tags: anicca, change, daily life

Posted by: Michael | 06/02/2014

Past Kamma

Making certain that I do not slip into akusala ways of interacting with others is something that I have been struggling with during these last several days. When I take a moment to reflect on it I am simply amazed that my first response to suffering seems to be to lash out with harsh and hurtful speech but that seems to be my first impulse. Fortunately, my limited practice has allowed me to see this when it arises and I am usually able to stop myself from speaking unskillfully. Obviously, I have a lot of conditioning and kamma I need to purify before my initial reaction more frequently becomes one based in compassion.

I think the most surprising aspect of all of it is simply that the trouble I now find myself in is the result, no doubt, of wrong speech, thought and deed. How deep is the delusion in which my mind is sunk that I am yet ready to throw salt on the wounds and recreate new sufferings without any hesitation?

A final thought is this: why should I be so surprised, so shocked that things have taken a turn for the worse? Why, in a world where hundreds of children die each hour and where the old and infirm are left to suffer unto death in solitude am I so selfish as to think my own problems are of especial importance? Don’t get me wrongj I am concerned and will do all I can to right the situation but there is nothing so shocking about it.

Sabbe satta sabba dukkha pamuccantu.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Dukkha, Theravada | Tags: akusala, delusion, Dukkha, kamma, suffering

Posted by: Michael | 06/01/2014

The Danger of Delusion

Something I am seeing again and again is the mind’s willingness to believe all sorts of nightmare scenarios at the same time that it clings to this idea of its inherent helplessness. There is a voice that seems to be incessantly repeating “I can’t do it. I don’t have the energy or strength to face the situation.” It looks so strange to translate those thoughts into the written word but these unspoken thoughts are what makes fear so dangerous. In addition to hearing these voices of hopelessness whispering to themselves day and night I can literally feel the effect they have on my physical energy level and can truly appreciate what people with depression feel that causes them to sleep all day and not feel up to doing much of anything.

So, what to do? Obviously I have to fight the inertia of fear by staying physically active but, more importantly, I need to keep coming back and seeing the thoughts for what they are: thoughts. And the way I do this best is through maintaining my practice through the storm. Wish me luck.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Theravada | Tags: delusion, Dhamma, fear, mindfulness, practice

Posted by: Michael | 05/31/2014

Sitting with It

This morning, despite the fact that my affairs are still in disarray and that my mind is listing towards negativity, I sat in meditation for around forty minutes. I began with the brahmaviharas for myself and then moved to anapanasati. I was interesting to note that I was holding onto to each moment of experience with what felt like a death-grip in my chest area (if that makes any sense). I really felt a fear that I would slip away into oblivion if I relaxed the hold on whatever I was experiencing and was so pronounced that I actually had to switch from internally repeating “let it go” to “acceptance.” Most of the sit was like this; a constant exploration of the tension and patterns of holding but it was worth it, if only to bring awareness to the body’s response to anxiety.

I don’t know if my daily life will get better anytime soon but I trust that my life will not be wasted and can only be bettered by my practice. May I not allow fear and worry to rob me of the Dhamma and may I accept my fortunes as the result of my own kamma.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Formal Meditation, Karuna, Theravada | Tags: catastrophe, daily life, Dhamma, kamma, karuna, loss

Posted by: Michael | 05/30/2014

Fearing Fear Itself

The other shoe has dropped and it does not bode well for my business. Still, after seemingly interminable months of living in fear of the worst I think I have learned a thing or two about how to carry on even in the midst of disaster. I feel that I have begun to let go and accept the inevitable when there is nothing more to be done but I am yet afraid. And the strangest thing is I am not afraid of the changes to come in our life nearly as much as I am afraid of how I will deal with it. In the last year I witnessed myself succumb completely to worry and fear while I sacrificed the practice and all else on the altar of gain. This is what I fear: that I will once more forget what is truly important and what we should do with what little time we have here if we are not to waste our lives.

May we remain steadfast in the Dhamma regardless of what the winds of kamma bestow upon us.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Dukkha, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: catastrophe, daily life, trouble