Posted by: Upāsaka Subhavi | 05/31/2014

Sitting with It

This morning, despite the fact that my affairs are still in disarray and that my mind is listing towards negativity, I sat in meditation for around forty minutes. I began with the brahmaviharas for myself and then moved to anapanasati. I was interesting to note that I was holding onto to each moment of experience with what felt like a death-grip in my chest area (if that makes any sense). I really felt a fear that I would slip away into oblivion if I relaxed the hold on whatever I was experiencing and was so pronounced that I actually had to switch from internally repeating “let it go” to “acceptance.” Most of the sit was like this; a constant exploration of the tension and patterns of holding but it was worth it, if only to bring awareness to the body’s response to anxiety.

I don’t know if my daily life will get better anytime soon but I trust that my life will not be wasted and can only be bettered by my practice. May I not allow fear and worry to rob me of the Dhamma and may I accept my fortunes as the result of my own kamma.


Responses

  1. hard to accept making it to the top of the hill and then sliding back down again–over and over and over. I’m trying to send compassion–hope it works!

    • And this is why we practice…


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