Posted by: Upāsaka Subhavi | 01/18/2021

Skillful Thinking

What is this fear when I know I have done nothing wrong? If this what is meant by gaslighting? The feeling of dread that accompanies the thought of my wife returning, knowing she’ll be full of anger, disdain and resentment.

I know, somewhere, that it doesn’t have to effect me. I know that the true cause isn’t me and yet I have spent large parts of the day cleaning and organizing the house to avoid her wrath. It’s a sad state of affairs and I believe I need to refuse to give in to these feelings of anxiety and fearfulness any longer.

I have done what needed to be done and now I have to accept whatever happens with as much equanimity as possible. This is meditation: to learn to think skillfully with fear and anger. To find the best way to deal with and learn from it. And, soon enough, once I have put my mind in order I can turn to cultivating compassion for her once more.


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