Today is the uposatha and I’m yet plagued by this laziness and, at times, nihilism. When I read the suttas on deeper subjects like dependent origination I feel at both of of my depth and hopeless that I may never understand. But, I realize that these thoughts are impermanent so I try not to give them too much importance.
As I recently counseled a friend, we have an eternity of kilesa bhavana to overcome so why would I expect it to be easy? Why should I understand paticca samuppada easily? Why would concentration develop with ease in the midst of the home life? I need to be resolute and realistic. If I really want to make progress perhaps I need to go forth but until then I’ll keep trying to saw through this mountain with a feather.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
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