Posted by: Upāsaka | 05/26/2017

May I Abandon Sexual Desire

There may be some issues with the phrasing but the title of the post really represents one of my core goals for this lifetime. Over the past several months, as my relationship with my wife has deteriorated, it’s become clearer and clearer that my only hope of ever lifting myself out of the morass of samsara is to abandon the pursuit of pleasure through sex. In fact, simply the idea of relinquishing sex has allowed me to reframe my relationship with my wife and see her in a different light. Rather than wrongly view her as a partner who is failing to uphold her end of the bargain of marriage, I have been able to see her more clearly as a fellow wanderer in need of help and who suffers just as I do. I can at least conceive of behaving in a way that helps to put her in better stead for the future if she chooses to divorce me or separate. 

It should go without saying that things are much more messy in my interactions with her but at least they can now be informed by an alternate and more noble perspective. May we overcome greed and attain to the stream in this lifetime. 


Responses

  1. Hello,

    Came across your blog after a twitter suggestion. Anyway, I have the same goal – difficult at times! For some time now, I’ve known for sure that I have never experienced and will never experience any profound or lasting happiness due to sexual pleasure. And I definitely have done unskillful things in the pursuit of pleasure, and I have experienced the suffering of sexual relationships…(Haven’t we all!) The times that I feel best are when I am really thinking clearly, and not obsessing about feeding the senses – Nonetheless, there are deep roots of greed and lust in the mind – so I think for most people it really does take a sustained commitment and determination to chip away at this defilement.

    Anyway, I am happy to know that there are other lay Buddhists out there who are practicing to realize similar goals. May we be successful and indeed, may we enter the stream in this lifetime!

    I hope your relationship with your wife improves, and that you both are able to remain on good terms and be happy.

    Respectfully,

    Brad

    • Thanks for sharing Bread and it’s definitely good to know there are others trying to walk the same path. Every good blessing to you!


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