Posted by: Upāsaka | 08/15/2016

Imbalance 

The last week has been rough largely due to my own lack of restraint. I seem to have slipped from compassion to resentment and just couldn’t figure out how to put the brakes on. The stress of my wife’s upcoming return to school and the impending birth of our third has made our home a virtual pressure cooker and I have not been practicing enough to meet all of this with a still and tender heart. 

Today is a new day,  however,  and I have recommited myself to the practice, my aspirations and to sitting for at least an hour a day.  And, even though I’d rather not share specifics, I feel making this aditthana public will give it more strength. I also intend to spend more time cultivating metta because I can feel overwhelmed at times by focusing overmuch on karuna. My tentative plan is to spend my morning sit working mostly with loving-kindness and the evening with compassion. We’ll see how it goes but a warm, open heart and a better way to start the day than a great that trembles at the suffering of all beings. At least, it seems that way today. 


Responses

  1. Dear Mike,
    Sometimes I think you are too hard on yourself. Given everything that is going on, you’re doing well. Don’t forget to first think of yourself as an object deserving metta, karuna, upekkha and mudita. I also recommend that you also dedicate your merits for the welfare of others.
    🙏🏽
    Ben

    • Thanks Ben. Yes, I realize that I didn’t quite articulate what I meant. I was trying to say that I need to spend more time cultivating metta for myself to get the feeling going before radiating outwardly. And,as always, thanks for your kind and sage advice. Hope all is well!

      Mettaya,

      Mike

  2. Thanks for sharing. Always helpful to feel the struggles of others. Did you try bringing back your practice consciously in daily life? So being mindful of your breath even when you don’t sit? Being midnight of the stress building up?

    • Sadly, I was only able to find the presence of mind when I was able to take some time in solitude for my morning sit. I will definitely make an effort to bring more mindfulness of the breath and body into daily life as well.

      Sukhi hotu!

      • It’s difficult and I struggle but I also know that if I don’t bring it to my daily life then I’m creating a new separation inside of me: the spiritual one that is sitting and the other one that is running wild in daily life. Take care!

  3. I’m in a similar spot, minus the kids. Good look with your aspirations and meditation practice!!


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