Posted by: Michael | 07/28/2018

Uposatha Confession

Not more than an hour after my last post where I heroically declared my intentions I ended up taking a short nap and then broke my fast with food. It almost seems that the more important the occasion, the more likely I am to mess it up. And mess it up I did.

The morning after had not been much better as I slept in and only hit about twenty five minutes so far. So, by the standards of the truly heroic strivers I’m falling all over myself in failure but there is this: I’m not giving up and until I do I haven’t lost. I need to be more sensitive to my body and mind to read the signals it’s sending about how much I can handle and when I can push. Last night I shouldn’t have been so hard on myself but lesson learned.

Posted by: Michael | 07/26/2018

Bibliophilic Fasting

It seems like I can’t get enough of this fasting thing but, as is usually the case, once my eyes have been opened to the contours of something I begin to see its shape everywhere (if that makes any sense). So the idea of restricting my consumption of books and other physically and digitally printed matter seems only like a logical progression of fasting from food ( here I have to admit that my fast from consumerism has been an abject failure but more on that later).

Since it seems to me that I derive little value from reading multiple books at once, especially since I rarely finish them, I’ll choose one book a week every Sunday and read only that until the following Sunday. In this way I hope to forestall the urge to find something more interesting, more juicy and actually take the time to learn something-even if what is learned is that I never should have picked the book to begin with.

We’ll see how it goes and then I may even extend this to Dhamma talks, podcasts and YouTube channels I listen to. I’ve learned a lot from my Facebook and news fast and I’m eager to increase the peace of mind I’m already enjoying as a result. Truly, so much of entertainment, social media and diversion feel to me like hot coals with which to burn myself and it amazes that a few short weeks ago I was completely enthralled by my news feed despite how badly it made me feel. That, my friends, is the hallmark of an incipient addiction and I quit it none too soon.

Posted by: Michael | 07/25/2018

Fasting for the Wrong Reasons

So I have taken a more serious interest in fasting after my father-in-law’s heart attack so there is clearly a health component in my decision. I figure that the body, a healthy body, is part and parcel of the preciousness of this human life. As such, it only makes sense to try to make it last as long as possible in order to practice as much as I can (I have yet to hit my three hour a day formal meditation goal but just the striving has proven beneficial). It turns out that intermittent fasting is great for your immune system, heart health and blood pressure as well as helping you to shed fat but here’s the rub: as I get into a routine of fasting for 20 hours a day and adding a select few core exercises I see that I’m beginning to develop pride.

Yes, you heard that right, I’m beginning to see this stinking, steaming pile of flesh and grease as a basis for praising myself and criticizing others. I was so shocked by this that I spent last night’s walking practice reciting maranam to remind myself that this body must sicken and die.

So, it’s a fine line between supporting healthy habits and becoming intoxicated by the allure of this body and, naturally, sex. I really don’t like half measures so I’m not inclined to just let these kilesas run rampant and unchallenged. Instead, while fasting or exercising may I constantly reflect on the fragility, transience and repulsive nature of this flesh bag.

Posted by: Michael | 07/23/2018

Modesty

Then early in the morning a certain monk, having put on his robes and carrying his bowl & outer robe, went to Hatthaka of Alavi’s home. On arrival, he sat down on a seat made ready. Then Hatthaka of Alavi approached the monk and, having bowed down to him, sat to one side. As he was sitting there the monk said to him, “Friend, the Blessed One has described you as being endowed with seven amazing, astounding qualities. Which seven? ‘Hatthaka of Alavi is endowed with conviction. He is virtuous. He has a sense of conscience. He has a sense of concern. He is learned. He is generous. He is discerning.’ Friend, the Blessed One has described you as being endowed with these seven amazing, astounding qualities.”

“I hope, sir, that there were no white-clad householders there.”

“No, friend, there were no white-clad householders there.”

“It’s good, sir, that there were no white-clad householders there.”

Then the monk, having received alms at Hatthaka of Alavi’s home, departed. After his meal, returning from his alms round, he went to the Blessed One. On arrival, having bowed down to the Blessed One, he sat to one side. As he was sitting there, [he told the Blessed One what had happened.]

[The Blessed One replied:] “It’s good, monk, it’s very good that the clansman is modest and does not want others to know of the skillful qualities present in him. In that case, monk, remember Hatthaka of Alavi as being endowed with this eighth amazing, astounding quality: modesty.”

Hatthaka Sutta

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an08/an08.023.than.html

Posted by: Michael | 07/21/2018

Vulgar, Coarse and Ignoble

“One should not pursue sensual pleasure (KÂMA-SUKHA), which is low vulgar, coarse, ignoble and unbeneficial; and one should not pursue self-mortification, which is painful, ignoble and unbeneficial. So it was said.

And with reference to what was this said? The pursuit of the enjoyment of one whose pleasure is linked to sensual desire – low, vulgar, coarse, ignoble and unbeneficial – is a state beset by suffering, vexation, despair and fever, and it is the wrong way.

Disengage from the pursuit of the enjoyment of one whose pleasure is linked to sensual desire – low, vulgar, coarse, ignoble and unbeneficial – is a state without suffering, vexation despair and fever, and it is the right way. The pursuit of self-mortification… is the wrong way.

Disengagement from the pursuit of self-mortification… is the right way… The Middle Way discovered by the Tathàgata avoids both these extremes… it leads… to Nibbàna.”

(“One should not pursue sensual pleasure (KÂMA-SUKHA), which is low vulgar, coarse, ignoble and unbeneficial; and one should not pursue self-mortification, which is painful, ignoble and unbeneficial. So it was said. And with reference to what was this said? The pursuit of the enjoyment of one whose pleasure is linked to sensual desire – low, vulgar, coarse, ignoble and unbeneficial – is a state beset by suffering, vexation, despair and fever, and it is the wrong way. Disengage from the pursuit of the enjoyment of one whose pleasure is linked to sensual desire – low, vulgar, coarse, ignoble and unbeneficial – is a state without suffering, vexation despair and fever, and it is the right way. The pursuit of self-mortification… is the wrong way. Disengagement from the pursuit of self-mortification… is the right way… The Middle Way discovered by the Tathàgata avoids both these extremes… it leads… to Nibbàna.”

(Venerable Bhikkhu Bodhi’s translation of the Buddha’s words in The Middle Length Discourses of the Buddha, p.1080f)

In case there was any doubt.

Posted by: Michael | 07/20/2018

Guerilla Practice Uposatha

So, I was only able to get in two hours of formal practice yesterday and I feel fine about it. What it tells me is that I have to be both more resourceful and determined not to waste time. What this may look like is taking whatever free time I have and devoting it to formal practice rather than reading something or scrolling through my Reddit feed.

I often feel that I am making progress in simply staying with buddho throughout the day precisely because I have made it a priority. I have set up desktop reminders to keep me returning to buddho and even do a one minute formal practice every 45 minutes.

And, yet, there is an infinite store of kamma to work with. I have found myself dizzyingly fatigued every morning and night which robs the meditation of joy and flavor but I am acquainted with this feeling as I spent years working with sloth and torpor. So, even if it remains this way for the rest of this life I will at least cultivate khanti and aditthana parami and watch for openings throughout the day to practice.

Bhavatu sabba mangalam.

Posted by: Michael | 07/19/2018

Inexorable

Mindful of the advice given me by the Venerable Dhammadipa Theri I am working with my aditthana to meditate formally each day for three hours. At this point I have 90 minutes completed and will need another 90 before bed to make my goal.

It’s funny to watch how quickly the mind balks at following through once it’s pressed to give a little more. I feel as though I spent a solid forty minutes of walking meditation complaining to myself about how tired I was. But, today was the first day after all and I know I do better in the morning than the evening.

May I push forward with kindness and compassion without giving up.

Posted by: Michael | 07/18/2018

Heart Attack

Samsara never fails. Monday afternoon my wife texted me to let me know that her father was in the hospital for chest pain. We would later find out that he had had a major heart attack and would live but at that time, we had no real clue what was happening.

It was one of those moments of terrifying clarity when you see just how delicate and fragile these lives and bodies really are. And, even though he’s “fine” now he really isn’t and neither are we. I could just as easily slip and fall down a four foot staircase or get hit by a car. My kids could suddenly get sick and die. My wife could be killed in a car accident. There’s nothing to prevent these things and, eventually, something will occur to bring about the end of this life for each of us.

So, what is it that I’m doing on the cushion every morning? Am I planning my office or trying to break the will of this beast? And, furthermore, how can I be disappointed with my progress when I realistically spend no more than an hour each day training the mind?

One day this body will lie cold and lifeless and it will be too late. May I make the aditthana to meditate formally (for the nth time) for three hours each day. To do so I will need to wake at 0330 hours every day and begin meditation promptly at 0400 ( that is the important part). If I meditate until 0600 I then only have one hour left which I can do from 2100 or 2200.

It honestly seems like a tall order but what else is this life to be used for? Sleeping? Eating? Am I a cow, cat or have I been blessed with a human mind and body in this life?

And, while we’re on the subject of aditthana, I’m giving up sweets for the next three months and embarking once more on dry fasts on Mondays and Thursdays and 4:20 or 8:16 intermittent fasting the rest of the days. I’m doing this for both the health benefits and as a spiritual exercise. May I succeed.

Posted by: Michael | 07/16/2018

Metta: Kissing the Leper

Posted by: Michael | 07/16/2018

Fear and Desire

It’s wrong to establish the citta with such a negative attitude. The ensuing results are bound to be harmful in some way.

The correct approach is to focus the citta firmly on some aspects of Dhamma, either the recollection of death or some other Dhamma theme. Under such circumstances, one should never allow the mind to focus outward to imagined external threats and then bring those notions back in to deceive oneself.

Whatever happens, life or death, one’s attention must be kept squarely on the meditation subject that one normally uses.

This morning has been an object lesson in this teaching. Two, aggressive, drunk dudes on a train causing problems and there is the arising of fear and anger. Do I stay or do I go? I’ll stay with buddho.

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