Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 12/12/2012

Disagreements

Anyone in a relationship of any kind knows that disagreements often make up the lion’s share of our interactions even if they don’t rise to the level of heated arguments and invective. My own struggle with this aspect of human discourse and interaction has primarily to do with first bringing some equanimity to the experience and then compassion.

For as long as I can remember, whenever I have had a disagreement with someone it has always seemed that my choice of how to respond was restricted to only two options: foment anger against them or blame myself for their displeasure. The possibility that there might exist another option just didn’t present itself to me before meeting the Dhamma.

So, as the moment finds me in the midst of a disagreement with my wife where there is no obvious right or wrong and no aggressor or victim, may I cultivate equanimity by reflecting on the fact that my actions are my own and I will be heir to their consequences. May I furthermore give rise to a heart of compassion for us both by reflecting on the fact that neither of us are yet free of sickness, aging and death. Sabbe satta sabba dukkha pamuccantu.

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: compassion, death, Dhamma, disagreements, equanimity, karuna, marriage, old age, sickness, upekkha

Posted by: Michael | 12/12/2012

The End of the Day

Sad to say but 9pm pretty much marks the end of my day as I try to get up at 4am everyday to give myself enough time to meditate in the morning before my kids wake up and the day really begins. Over the years, given my early-rising personality, it has been a struggle to practice in the evening as well but, as the practice of the Dhamma is the only thing of any lasting importance, getting into a regular sitting schedule has been a goal for some time. For the last few nights I’ve been doing a short (15 minute) session of anapanasati not necessarily worrying too much about really getting any concentration going but just kind of feeling how the body and mind are at the end of the day. Interestingly enough, and in stark contrast to my years of practice previous, rather than being overwhelmed by sleepiness and fatigue I am actually able to catch a breath or two and the sitting and breathing itself are amazingly rejuvenative. I think the key difference is simply that I’m not fighting against my experience. Don’t ask me wy but it’s taken near 8 straight year s of almost daily sitting to realize that all of this has to spring from loving-kindness and true, deep care for oneself. May you forever be well.

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Metta, Theravada | Tags: Ajahn Chah, Anapanasati, aviation, Buddhism, Dhamma, Dharma, Gautama Buddha, health, Mental Health, nature, outdoors, Psychology, Thai Forest Tradition, transportation

Posted by: Michael | 12/10/2012

Desire

In some ways I think you could easily boil down the entire Doctrine and Discipline to the process of freeing oneself from desire. However, as far as lay practice is concerned, there seem to be precious few teachers who focus on this aspect of the path. As always, i/m writing from within the cramped confines of my own experience but struggling with sexual desire has been a major challenge for me since the first time I realized that restraint was a necessary part of the Path. I guess what has me so unnervecd is simplthe sheer strength and power of sexual energy–it seems to possess the potential to ravage all in its path and quicklymakes mincemeat of all of my resolves.

So far I haven’t found the silver bullet and it surprises me that that’s precisely what I’m looking for. Still, beyond sheer force of will and distraction there must be something more in the toolbox. I have experimented with asubha contemplations and the 5 subjects for frequent recollection but the tsunami of sexual energy washes all of that away when the mind is unconcentrated and it is a theory of mine that these practices do little for a scattered mind in the first place. For now will-power and reflection where I can get it will have to do but this morning’s sit felt more like triage then meditation.

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Theravada | Tags: asubha, concentration, five subjects for recollection, meditation, sexual desire, triage

Posted by: Michael | 12/09/2012

Sunday

It’s hard to believe it’s already 2:15pm and I’m on my way to Brooklyn to rehearse for a show with a band I’ve never played with and whose music I’ve never laid eyes on. Still, a few of the band members are family friends so I’m doing this as a favor (and also to fulfill my commitment to putting others’ wants before my own).

Not much to write today but it’s been a steady struggle to prevent unskillfulstates of aversion and negativity from arising and swamping me just due to the standard issue problems of family life. So, just doing the best I can to remain quiet when necessary by holding my tongue and taking those few moments I can to bring up some good themes for reflection and to brighten the mind. May everyone enjoy a peaceful Sunday!

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Theravada

Posted by: Michael | 12/08/2012

Putting Others’ Wants Before My Own

It’s Saturday and despite having slept in I’m feeling run-down and tired. While meditating this morning I conceived this idea to experiment with putting the needs and wants of others first as I realized that my mind was racing and recoiling from all of the family events we had scheduled today (and, no, there wasn’t much concentration during my ten minute monkey-mind marathon). Now I know that this (or a variant of it) is a common practice in Vajrayana but I’ve always gotten the feeling that to engage in such comparisons between myself and others was a form of conceit which we were warned against by the Buddha But, as I actually formulate my understanding in words, I see that this has nothing to do with the conceit of I am better, worse or the same as anyone else and more with not giving in to my own kilesas and cravings to do what I want when and how I want it.

I suspect that this practice is going to be supremely difficult so at first I’m only going to try it for a week and I’ll need to set up very narrow guidelines to avoid confusing or abusing myself. Here goes my first attempt:

1. I will not complain or otherwise betray my unhappiness when someone expresses a desire to do something I don’t like.

2. I will assent to do anything provided it does not interfere with my duties as a husband, father, boss, etc.

3. I will endeavor to cultivate mudita when acquiescing to do what I am asked.

4. I will cultivate appreciation for my ability to bring some modicum of happiness others.

Written out it doesn’t sound near as hard nor as inspiring but let us see how it goes until next Saturday. Sabbe satta sukhita hotu!

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Posted in Aditthana, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: Buddha, Buddhism, Dharma, Gautama Buddha, Mental Health, Noble Eightfold Path, religion, Religion and Spirituality, spirituality, United States, Vajrayana

Posted by: Michael | 12/07/2012

Employees and Compassion

Had you asked me when I was fourteen what I would be doing in 20 years I would not have included business owner on my list. Nonetheless it has been my good fortune to run a pretty successful company with my partner and employee about 11 full time people. Sounds great doesn’t it? Well it is except for when things don’t go as planned and people disappoint or entirely fail you.

In the course of the last 8 years I think I have had to fire somewhere in the neighborhood of a dozen people. Each time has been hard and it simply doesn’t get any easier. In fact, each time I feel the need to let someone go it feels like I’m breaking up with my girlfriend.

To get to the point, what really is the skilfull way to deal with an employee who is simply not doing what you think they should? Of course, once you’ve arrived at the perception that they’re not performing adequately the rest of the story is a foregone conclusion isn’t it? I guess what I’m asking is how do we get to the point where we decide that a person’s work is not up to snuff irrespective of the myriad circumstances of their life? Yes, an employee may be tired, he or she may have had problems at home but there is aline to be drawn somewhere and I feel I am often too quick to draw it.

I’ve read a number of books on the issue but so far have not ever found I truly satisfying approach and I think much of this has to do with my own lack of time and attention with regard to some of my staff. I think the Sigalovada Sutta deserves another look and, before I waste any more of anyone’s precious time, I think I’ll put an end to my rambling here.

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: compassion in the workplace, employees, firing, sigalovada sutta

Posted by: Michael | 12/06/2012

Happy Uposatha Day – Sigalovada Sutta

Today is an uposatha observance day and I am lucky enough to be able to observe. Of course, due to my purist character and absolutist ways, I have already disappointed myself at least once today (I sung the lines of a song for my son to help him get a piece he’s been practicing) but I’m doubly fortunate to have this place to confess it.

Anyway, I picked up one of a bunch of TY Lee books that a venerable sent me (I have bunch to give away if anyone one’s interested and will even pay shipping to you) and was reading the section devoted to his analysis of the Sigalovada Sutta which is the lay sutta par excellence. At one point in the sutta,I the Lord Buddha compares Sigalo’s obeisance to the compass directions to the six relationships or persons to whom we should give our repect, concern and devotion. With some license on my part they are basically as follows:

Parents and Children
Students and Teachers
Husband and Wife
Friends and Associates
Employers and Employees
Spiritual Teachers and Disciples

For some reason, as I read this today I had the idea to use each of these six relationships as a subject for metta rather than the traditional, commentarial categories. It struck me that most of my quotidian experience is involved intimately with and is, in fact, constituted by just these relationships so why not bring metta to bear purposefully upon them. And, although I was assailed by drowsiness during my sit I am inspired to continue with the experiment nonetheless. May this be of benefit and may we all be grateful to those who have shown us the Path. Sukhita hontu!

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: confess, daily life, metta, sigalovada sutta, six directions, ty lee, uposatha

Posted by: Michael | 12/05/2012

Low Energy – What To Do?

It took me minute today to even figure out what I should post and I believe that mostly has to do with a lack of energy on my part. Call it the weather, fighting off a cold, parenting kids or whatever you will but this feeling of listlessness can overwhelm us at times and make doing even the most simple of tasks seem like Herculean feats. But this is where my life and practice find me so it’s no use bemoaning my fate or pretending it isn’t so.

Since I’m unable to take a nap or crawl back to bed (assuming that the cause of fatigue truly is physical) the best thing I can to is to rouse myself and try to bring up my energy level it would seem. But what to do? In these situations I often reach for the heaviest tool in the box and go straight for the recollection of death. However, after years of this it has just occurred to me that it may be better to do so with a lighter touch. Sure, it’s useful to recall one’s mortality as a way to snap oneself out of a stupor but maybe it would be a good idea to then move onto a brighter topic for the mind like caganussati or metta.

I really haven’t yet tried this but I feel that this may be a more skillful approach and will let you know how it went if I remember when writing tomorrows post (if I don’t die first). Rakkhantu sabba devata!

Post-scriptum:

Here’s a talk on energy and view by Ajahn Sucitto: http://mirror1.birken.ca/dhamma_talks/indiv/Suc/04/2_View_and_Energy.mp3

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Parenting, Theravada | Tags: caganussati, colds, energy, Energy level, family, fatigue, Home, low energy, maranussati, metta, parenting, Physical exercise, Technology, United States

Posted by: Michael | 12/04/2012

Waking Up Late

Strangely enough my alarm didn’t go off this morning and I woke up at 6:30am which is almost a full two hours after my usual wake up time. Needless to say that I didn’t get my formal meditation in. Although I was still able to get in my refuges and precepts in between making my son’s lunch and my coffee. And as I took my two minute shower I realized I didn’t have to beat myself over the head for not getting in my sitting.

I think I understood for that one moment in time that my practice shouldn’t be used as a cudgel or goading stick to keep me on the path. Rather, I can truly take joy in those times when I have the luxury to practice formally and make more of an effort to live skillfully when I off the cushion and in the fray. It’s not as if I’m only making kamma on the mat so it only makes sense to live that way. Bhavatu sabba mangalam!

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Posted in Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Parenting, Theravada | Tags: late

Posted by: Michael | 12/04/2012

Negativity

When I awoke today the tone of the day didn’t feel particularly strange but as I left my house and stepped onto to the platform of the L-train I could tell that something was amiss–there was a certain agitation in my mind and heart and I felt at once drained of energy and aversive to the crowd of ever-changing faces that swum around me. Silently repeating the mantra metta-karuna-mudita–upekkha I made it to my office where the feelings of irritation and fatigue lessened.

It seems as though this episode was foreshadowing for what happened later with the arrival of my business partner. Never one with a sunny disposition he can, at times, be a veritable tempest of verbal violence raining contempt and disgust upon everyone around him. Today was one of those days and despite the fact that the negativity wasn’t aimed solely or even primarily at me it wiped me out completely and sent me reeling for the rest of the day.

Fast forward to the N-train as I commute to pick up my son I am awoken (yeah, I was catnapping) by a woman having a heated conversation with herself about the incompetent people who caused her to lose her job. In common parlance she would be called crazy but that’s never a satisfying label and does nothing to confront or assuage the suffering. Strangely this lady followed me through two trains and a transfer almost as a reminder of the aggression, suffering and animosity that I had been subjected to all day at the office.

Now, I ‘m not sure what to do with this or even how to nicely tie this all up but the striking thing about it was that I was bewildered and dumb-struck by the shear intensity of other peoples’ ill-will. How does one deal with this and effectively cope? I’m tempted to give the stoock answer here and say to cultivate equanimity but how to do so? More practice I suppose. Sabbe satta sabba dukkha pamuccantu.