Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Anyone in a relationship of any kind knows that disagreements often make up the lion’s share of our interactions even if they don’t rise to the level of heated arguments and invective. My own struggle with this aspect of human discourse and interaction has primarily to do with first bringing some equanimity to the experience and then compassion.

For as long as I can remember, whenever I have had a disagreement with someone it has always seemed that my choice of how to respond was restricted to only two options: foment anger against them or blame myself for their displeasure.  The possibility that there might exist another option just didn’t present itself to me before meeting the Dhamma.

So, as the moment finds me in the midst of a disagreement with my wife where there is no obvious right or wrong and no aggressor or victim, may I cultivate equanimity by reflecting on the fact that my actions are my own and I will be heir to their consequences. May I furthermore give rise to a heart of compassion for us both by reflecting on the fact that neither of us are yet free of sickness, aging and death. Sabbe satta sabba dukkha pamuccantu.