Cattāri Brahmavihārā

When you think about it it seems kind of strange that many of us lay practitioners in the Western Theravada and Insight traditions are taught to begin with ourselves when cultivating metta and then to move on directly to a special friend or benefactor. For those of us with families (spouses, children and extended family with whom we live), it seems to me that when we leave them our from this first step we are chasing ourselves out of the true development of loving-kindness. Why do I think this?

To put our simply, I have practiced as a father and husband for years now and have noticed that, no matter how subtle and rarified the states I achieve in meditation are, once I’m back to doing homework or washing dishes I become the same serpent-tongued brick that I was before. By failing to cultivate metta for myself and my intimates I quickly forget my intention and lose the connection with the heart.

Maybe I am wrong but to me this seems like the most sensible way to proceed and, if nothing else, to live with true integrity. Such measures don’t seem to h have been necessary at the time of the Buddha when it seems those who had taken rebirth were far more spiritually developed than we are now but, whatever the reason, I owe it to myself and family to cultivate more love, compassion, empathy and forgiveness.