I am becoming ever more convinced that total withdrawal from sexual activity (both mental and physical) is the only way to live a life of worth. I have tried to justify using sex with my wife as a way of strengthening our relationship and keeping our family healthy but it has no discernible effect. What I can see, however, is that indulging in these sense pleasures weakens my resolve and leaves me feeling somewhat dejected and down.
I know that there is no happiness to be found here so why not do my best to escape from the clutches of sexual desire? Knowing the difficulty I’m facing I am taking a more open approach and focussing on the sense of freedom that accompanies such an undertaking rather than this idea that brahmacariya is an oppressive burden. The burden truly is being a slave to desires that can never be fulfilled but constantly whip us into a frenzy chasing mirages.
I have made a determination to forego sexual activity in mind and body for 3 months (at least until my birthday) and will decide then whether to recommit myself.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
How does she feel about this?
By: Jnana Hodson on 11/09/2020
at 2:44 pm
Well, I’m not too sure. Suffice it to say that she has not been too happy with me of late and this has played a role in my decision inasmuch as it seems that the BB act itself hasn’t helped to smooth things out. Frankly, however, it doesn’t matter how she feels about it (yes, that does sounds harsh). She made a similar choice for years (although she claimed that she was simply not into it) and I had no recourse. This is something that I feel the need to do come hell or high water.
By: Upāsaka on 11/09/2020
at 2:48 pm
Gotcha. I was a brahachary when living in the ashram back in the early ’70s, an experience described in my novel Yoga Bootcamp. It’s something few Americans can wrap their minds around.
By: Jnana Hodson on 11/09/2020
at 2:52 pm
I’m sorry I didn’t see this before. That’s awesome. I’m all ears if you have any tips. Every good blessing to you.
By: Upāsaka on 11/12/2020
at 1:32 pm
It was a communal setting, so everybody was ready to keep each other in check. We males did have a kind of jockstrap made from two strips from our guru’s robe.
Still, it was rough for me. I was young, after all. The upside was that the females in the household were more like sisters and revealed much more about feminine wiles than they would have otherwise.
Soon after I left and returned to the outside world, I fell in love and married.
By: Jnana Hodson on 11/12/2020
at 7:59 pm
Thank you. I will look to see if I can find your book as well.
By: Upāsaka on 11/12/2020
at 10:11 pm