Cattāri Brahmavihārā

I’ve been reading a book on Abhidhamma lately and it has both given me a feeling of depth which is sometimes lacking while simultaneously making me feel as though even the illusory, skilful self I am building is nothing but a tower of sea foam. And, of course it is but what I’m feeling and what DOES NOT follow is that it’s a futile exercise.

I think this ties in with a general feeling of malaise and detection resulting from my lack of discipline and other failings. Why though, if I can see so clearly how ephemeral the good me is am I so incapable of seeing the insubstantiality of the worse version? I hope to someday understand this process of ahamkara but until then I’ll try to keep practicing Right Effort.