Posted by: Upāsaka | 09/07/2018

Falling Off the Renunciation Train

I can at least take comfort that I didn’t break any of the Five Precepts but I certainly did eat a whole bag of peanut M&Ms and broke my brahmacari commitments.

And why? Because I just didn’t have the wisdom to resist. Still, I was able to watch the mind as it first played with and then circled the ideas of these desired objects so there is at least that.

It is clear, however, that it will necessarily take more precious time to get back to where I was and I have detonated any calm I was building up. How can I expect to progress when I can’t control my impulses at the most basic of levels? I can’t and I need to remind myself of this when I spend a half an hour struggling to cut a path of clarity through the jungle of thoughts that crowd my mind.

Nothing to do now but pick myself up, dust myself off and begin again. What other option is there when the gaping maws of hell lie beneath our feet?


  1. Peanut M&Ms…? You don’t want to know how hard I fell off today. Trust me, it’s bad… Please relax and enjoy your wonderful practice 🙂

  2. Clear knowledge of the desire, which you seem to have, is half the battle.

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