Cattāri Brahmavihārā

My wife repeatedly makes this assertion. Yes, it is almost always in times of conflict when our wants do not align but she says it enough that I have become concerned that there may be a grain of truth to it. What is strange is that I have discovered many traits of a so-called narcissist in her behavior after having only cursorily reviewed the clinical and pop definitions. And, yet, this uneasiness remains.

Is it because I don’t want to be seen as a taker? An egotist? A  narcissist? Or is it because I really don’t want to be a source of pain and discomfort to those around me? What I often times frame as a struggle to balance my work and family obligations as well as my own needs for rest and diversion may simply be a case of fixation on my own wants with the so-called noble intentions serving only as a foil. In all honesty, I can never really know while still an ignoble worldling so, I have to keep the possibility open. It is possible that I act like a narcissist at times. I can accept that and yet I can always try to do better by putting others’ first and myself last while still attending to all of our needs in the most wise and compassionate way possible.

Post Script:

I’m listening to an interesting book on narcissism in our present age and thought it might be of interest to anyone stumbling across the blog:

The Narcissist Next Door: Understanding the Monster in Your Family, in Your Office, in Your Bed-in Your World

https://www.scribd.com/audiobook/241861714/The-Narcissist-Next-Door-Understanding-the-Monster-in-Your-Family-in-Your-Office-in-Your-Bed-in-Your-World