Cattāri Brahmavihārā

This morning in the mad rush to get out of the house my wife was again in the position of micromanaging all of us to ensure that the morning proceeded as planned. Obviously, trying to keep such a tight lid on everything is stressful and one can’t always keep their cool.

So, as she was trying to get my lackadaisical eight year old to do what was necessary friction resulted and he started to mimic her in a show of defiance. At some point she said some things that seemed pretty hyperbolic so I smirked and she then turned to me, placing the blame on me for my son’s disrespectful behavior. In short, because I don’t take thinks as seriously she thinks I’m teaching him to make fun of her.

Now I’m not going to offer a defense, I’m just going to take what she says as the truth of the situation that needs to be acknowledged and worked with. It is absolutely clear that I want my son to respect his mother and even if I don’t necessarily believe my behavior is solely to blame for his actions I do believe that changing the way I relate to get during times of duress could help heal the rift and demonstrate to him that his mother’s today is no laughing matter.

Relationships are tough and despite the fact that it doesn’t always feel good or fair I need to find a way to teach my son respect and restore my wife’s confidence in my intentions. Failing that, I need to feel that I tried my best.