Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Slowly the shock of circumstance is fading as I become more familiar with the shapes and forms of the new landscape into which I have been reborn. Slowly my formal practice has been returning and yet I feel as weak and fragile as an autumn leaf. It is as if I am just waiting for that first, strong gale to finish me off. So, where am I? What am I doing? How am I using my precious time?

Sadly, most of my waking hours are spent plugging holes and pumping water while I look for ways to make myself a more attractive commodity on the market. It is exhausting and is no doubt sapping me of strength and joy but the alternatives seem to me to be no less than failing my family.