It’s easy to unconsciously paint yourself a mental caricature of the person you like to believe you are but it’s never very easy to reconcile that image with unexpected intrusions from reality. The last two days have been filled with in explicable outburts of anger (although yesterday was certainly worse) and I find myself without much of clue as to whence or why. I believe the fatigue and the resultant retreat to sensuality are mysteriously connected by subterranean tendrils but as I have not the insight to see the matrices below the surface I really cannot tell.
Be all that as it may, I am faced with the shameful situation of having acted on the basis of anger and enmity on more than one occasion of late. So what do you do? To me, the only sensible option is to beg pardon of those upon whom you’ve inflicted your impetuous wrath but isn’t that too facile? It may be for some less proud than I and it surely seems so in theory but humbling onself under an apology seems the only way to redress such faults.
May we all find freedom from bondage and know the happiness of release.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
We all have kleshas to work through. I am certainly no exception to that! And while in the heat of the moment we may get caught up in a rising tide of afflictive emotions clouding our clarity and then afterwards we may experience embarrassment, shame and/or guilt, the best we can do is to gently bring our faults into awareness without grasping onto them, reach out to those we may have been unskillful with and them try to stabilize compassion for ourselves and others. I remember some weeks back when I posted about a difficult situation going on in my life. You sent me kind words of encouragement to use the situation as an opportunity to cultivate upekkha. That really helped me a lot brother. It was just the word I needed to hear to release from the anger and confusion I was experiencing at the time. I realized I was holding onto all of that. And you know what…once I let go of it and tried to cultivate equanimity as you suggested, the whole situation changed for the better. Thank you for that. My you find peace today, this very moment.
By: Vajratantrika on 03/03/2013
at 2:15 am
[Resend with edits for typos.]
We all have kleshas to work through. I am certainly no exception to that! And while in the heat of the moment we may get caught up in a rising tide of afflictive emotions clouding our clarity and then afterwards we may experience embarrassment, shame and/or guilt, the best we can do is to gently bring our faults into awareness without grasping onto them, reach out to those we may have been unskillful with and then try to stabilize compassion for ourselves and others. I remember some weeks back when I posted about a difficult situation going on in my life. You sent me kind words of encouragement to use the situation as an opportunity to cultivate upekkha. That really helped me a lot brother. It was just the word I needed to hear to release from the anger and confusion I was experiencing at the time. I realized I was holding onto all of that. And you know what…once I let go of it and tried to cultivate equanimity as you suggested, the whole situation changed for the better. Thank you for that. May you find peace today, this very moment.
By: Vajratantrika on 03/03/2013
at 2:21 am
Thank you brother! MSukhi hotu!
By: Upāsaka on 03/05/2013
at 3:36 pm