Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 10/07/2016

Confession of Fear

Last night, when I got home, I found a homeless man sleeping in my apartment lobby. I literally had to do a double take to realize what was going on but add soon ai gained my bearings I asked him to leave. I don’t recall exactly what I said but I remember being respectful and saying something to the effect of “sorry sir, you can’t sleep here.”

Obviously he wasn’t happy with that and starred to complain so I, unthinking, immediately said I would call the cops if he didn’t leave immediately. Things took a turn for the worse and he began dating me to do so at which point I myrummaged through bag to find my knife while calling 911. As I was on the phone with the operator describing the man he decided to get up and leave which brought an abrupt end to the situation but in the hours since I’ve wondered if I could have handled it better.

Instead of immediately seeing him add a threat could I have approached him from a place of compassion and helpfulness? What if I had approached him without fear and offered him a flat or to buy him dinner while escorting him out? Who knows hire it would have turned out but I would have liked to meet the situation with care rather than aversion. May I do better in the future.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Confession of Fault, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: care, compassion, concern, homeless, police

Posted by: Michael | 10/06/2016

The Suffering of Beings

Over the last few days my thoughts have turned consistently to the task and potential catastrophes that imperil out world and to the innumerable moments of intense, subjective suffering all beings experience without end.

Take, for example, the mosquito that was buzzing around me yesterday in the courtyard of my wife’s school. The air was crisp and biting, a harbinger of Autumn. And my heart was instantly gripped by the realization that, soon enough, this little being would die of cold and starvation. Writing it I cannot capture the depth of the experience but suffice it to say I now have an itchy bite on my hand where I allowed her to take her fill.

Whether or not you think this was stupid, whether you hate mosquitos out not the point is that we’re all just like her. Deluded, lost and living in a world over which we have no control. Let us abandon cruelty and, with what time we have left, break through to stream entry.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Dukkha, Theravada | Tags: cruelty, delusion, lost, mosquitos, suffering

Posted by: Michael | 10/05/2016

The Fragrance of Virtue

Candanaṃ, tagaraṃ, vāpi uppalaṃ, atha vassikī —

etesaṃ gandhajātānaṃ —

sīlagandho anuttaro.

Listen: http://host.pariyatti.org/dwob/dhammapada_4_55.mp3
Of all the fragrances —

sandal, tagara, blue lotus and jasmine —

the fragrance of virtue is the sweetest.
Dhammapada 4.55

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Posted in Buddha, Buddha Vacana, Buddhism, Dhamma, Sila, Theravada | Tags: karma, morality, virtue

Posted by: Michael | 10/04/2016

Fear and Body Contemplation

After my experience the other day with body contemplation I thought it would be a good idea to use another of Ajahn Achalo’s guided meditations that combined anapanasati, metta and kayanupassana. The breath work grounded me well and then the metta bhavana worked to soften everything.

I suppose that’s why I was able to detect the underlying tension and resistance as we began to contemplate the earth. element. Contemplating the dryness of the hair didn’t produce much aversion but once we moved into the body proper I felt a tightening in my abdomen. Now, I don’t know if this was due in part to my fear that we would be contemplating the blood (this was the first time I used this meditative) or if it was a combination of that and a deep fear of setting the impermanent nature of the body. Just reflecting on the bones and their susceptibility to diseases was enough to make the reflection uncomfortable. And yet, I’m grateful that there is enough sensitivity to even notice these things. Clearly, if I’m having such strong reactions this is a place to continue the work.

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Posted in Anapanasati, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Metta, Theravada | Tags: ajahn achalo, aversion, body contemplation, discomfort, diseases, fear, guided meditation

Posted by: Michael | 10/02/2016

An Interesting Experience

I just got finished with a guided body contemplation meditation by Ajahn Achalo and had an experience that was uncomfortable yet revealing. We reflected on the earth element in the vertebrae and teeth to good effect but when the ajahn asked us to contemplate the blood coursing through our bodies I became immediately nauseous. Just the thought of my body being soaked in seven liters of blood was too much for me to handle for some reason.

I have only ever experienced this kind of discomfort during body contemplation but the intensity of this was such that I was literally squirming on the cushion. Clearly this merits more work and surely points to a strong attachment even if I can’t quite make sense of it yet.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Theravada | Tags: ajahn achalo, blood, body contemplation, discomfort, nausea

Posted by: Michael | 10/02/2016

Not Quite

Today was an uposatha and although u went strong for most of the day, cooking dinner for my family proved to be more than I could take and I gave in. Obviously, I feel worse for having giving up but it seems that, lately, I need to put a lot more work into aditthana parami than at other points in my life.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Theravada, Uposatha | Tags: aditthana, anger, uposatha

Posted by: Michael | 09/30/2016

Confession

The last week has been very difficult with regard to keeping my head above water. My wife has been pretty much consistently in an angry mood and it has been a constant challenge to remain calm and patient in the face of a seemingly endless barrage of complaints and criticisms.

And yet, this is precisely what I signed up for. This is the nature of relationships and there’s nothing wrong or unfair about it.

So, I’m here to confess my resentment.

I’m here to confess my self-pity. I’m here to confess that I’m not blameless, stainless and that I have a part in her misery.

May I do my best to guard my heart from aversion, cultivate love and reflect constantly on the results of my kamma.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Metta, Theravada | Tags: aversion, divorce, love, marriage, resentment

Posted by: Michael | 09/29/2016

Compassion without Distinction

Daily life practice is a great way to highlight for oneself the with that yet needs to be done. There have been times when I’ve thought that I really only need to work on extending a heart of love to those who are really difficult for me to bear. But, today, walking to the train and raising karuna to the various people I see, I realized that there were some people for whom it was not as easy as others.

To realize that I have very real prejudice and that there are still distinctions in the mind helps keep me motivated and honest. The guy in the Audi deserves as much compassion as the lame homeless man. Easy to say but not necessarily easy to see in the moment.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Karuna, Theravada | Tags: bias, compassion, distinction, prejudice

Posted by: Michael | 09/28/2016

Miserable conditions persuade you to practice virtue

The teaching above has taken on more significance lately and I am seeing ever more clearly that the lay life is the garden of so many sufferings. Truly, to make an escape from all of the suffering one has to take up a life of brahmacariya. Mired in sensuality and a slave to craving I just don’t see a way out.

Why settle for something that will go away or wither naturally when the Path to Nibbana is yet open?

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Posted in Anicca, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Dukkha, Theravada | Tags: brahmacariya, impermanence, lay life, Nibbana

Posted by: Michael | 09/27/2016

A Little Death

Everything that’s happened today has (fortunately) got me thinking about my attachment to this idea of myself as a husband and father. The truth that I am not truly either of those things, that those appellations will someday soon fall away by dint of death or circumstance hit me like a ton of bricks. And I saw in that moment just how strongly I’ve been holding on to things that are not me, are not mine to hold.

However this thing works out I’m blessed to have been able to receive it as a Dhamma teaching and I am indebted to my wife for it. Whether we work it out or not I intend to begin the work of severing the unhealthy bonds I have paid little attention to until now. If I do nothing now, what will be the state of my mind when death comes? If their death comes first? I shudder to think.

May I cultivate a boundless heart free of attachment and may my wife and children be free from all pain and suffering.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Parenting, Theravada | Tags: attachment, death, divorce, family, wife