Posted by: Upāsaka | 10/30/2020

I Am a Selfish Man

My wife commented this morning how I can be extremely disciplined when it comes to things I find important like meditation or physical conditioning but, when it comes to doing things for other, I am lacking. She asked if I thought of myself as a selfish person and although there was an initial tinge of resentment I found myself agreeing and replying that, yes, “I am a selfish person.”

It was a strange moment in time: I was struck by the dissonance between my desire not to be a person one would describe as selfish, my habit of thinking of myself as a spiritual practitioner dedicated to practices intended to be of benefit to all and the fact that I am more selfish than I wish to be.

So, I agreed with my wife, not out of a desire to silence her nor because I think it is okay to be selfish but simply due to the fact that I yet have work to do until the mistaken view of self, the cloudiness of delusion and the stickiness of desire are cleared away by insight and wisdom.


Responses

  1. So how do we strike the right balance?

    • Hmm… well, for me there really isn’t a balance to be struck. When it comes to defilement, I can’t afford to give them any ground.


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