Cattāri Brahmavihārā

My newest strategy for dealing with disobedient children and resentful spouses is to simply ask them to do whatever they believe is fair. To commit to doing whatever they feel is right in any situation.

For example, I asked my older kids to help me with the dishes last night and they both told me they were doing homework. I said, that’s fine if you’re telling the truth, but if not do you really want to lie about it? Please do what you think is right.

I was stunned to hear my daughter admit she has been making excuses and she came to help. My son insisted he was writing an essay and, he too, surprised me an hour later by asking me to proof it.

I am taking the same approach with my wife and although she yet feels too much resentment to take some of the burden off of me I am satisfied with it. I don’t have to worry about keeping an internal balance sheet and I can speak to the best in others. And, if they don’t do what I think of right, so be it. That’s the way of the world.