As far as I’m concerned, if the germ of love and affection isn’t present in one or both spouses , a harmonious marriage is impossible. I can forgive, let go, show warmth as much as I want but it is like tilling rocky, barren soil.
Love and friendliness are the conditio sine qua non for respect and cooperation. With a mind full of hate nothing is possible, nothing is acceptable. Without a mind full of love everything is a problem.
But, my heart didn’t have to be shadowed by the hate of another. My mind doesn’t have to be tainted by resentment. Instead, I will work to still these thoughts and train the mind towards love and kindness.
1. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.
2. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.
3. “He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me.” Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred.
4. “He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me.” Those who do not harbor such thoughts still their hatred.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
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