Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Gain/loss,
status/disgrace,
censure/praise,
pleasure/pain:
these conditions among human beings
are inconstant,
impermanent,
subject to change.

I’m here again, in this place where I’ve been censured, criticized and put down for my apparent problems and shortcomings. I’m, according to this person, an increasingly bad father, bad husband and, generally, an anxiety ridden failure. I should say that I don’t feel particularly anxiety ridden and the incident that bright on this latest paroxysm of fault -finding was a result of me deciding I needed to stick to my guns about a commitment not to get involved in something that I don’t believe I’ll have time for.

The point here, however, is that when these things happen, my spouse likes to use other people’s opinions of my behavior as evidence of how I am an objectively bad person. In short, I’m bad and everyone knows it but me. I have now reached a point where I simply have to disregard abutting people may have to say or think about our relationship (if, in fact, they truly are thinking these things) because they aren’t in it note so they know my mind. I sent her the following manifesto as I was out walking to clay my head and would appreciate it if any kalyanamitta has insight to share:

Allow me to make one thing clear and you may share it with whomever you wish: I am unconcerned with others’ opinions of me as no one but me knows my intentions or the experiences of which my life consists. Appeals to “my mom thinks” or “my sister thinks” or “my friend says” don’t affect me. I may love them but they don’t know my heart or mind and they certainly aren’t in our relationship.