Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Last night I was unable to resist the feelings of resentment and ill will towards my wife. I allowed the seemingly incessant criticism and fault-finding to dig in and set up camp in my heart. At least I knew that this was a state of affairs that required a remedy so I went to bed and awoke this morning determined to overcome the bitterness.

In terms of formal, concentration focused meditation this morning was a mess but I knew I had to figure out a way to wash the hatred out of my heart. I began with breath, into metta and then devanussati by chanting om mani padme hum and visualising Avalokiteshvara sending love and compassion to me. I especially focused on the light of the heart of Avalokiteshvara perhaps inspired by the descriptions of the light of devatas in the Samyutta Nikaya. I asked for help and maybe I received it because the idea to imagine my wife as being reborn in the various apaya loka came to me and was immediately helpful.

Where before I was stuck on resentment, as soon as I imagined her afraid, panicked and in pain all of that dissolved and fell away. How could I be angry with someone who is possibly creating conditions for such a rebirth? In fact, my resolve to try to help prevent such a thing has only been strengthened.

All in all I feel grateful for the Dhamma and am incredibly happy that I was able to pacify the aversion and ill-will that will certainly lead me to the hell realms of left unchecked.